Characters who are much bitcher than they let on

Cafe Society
1

“Probably more of a bitch than she lets on” is, of course, how a trash tv talk show described Lois Griffin. No description could be more apt. Though her veneer is that of an attractive, long-suffering, rational & moral wife saddled with a improbably fat, stupid husband (in the tradition of Alice Kramden, Wilma Flintstone, and Marge Simpson), she is in fact just as much of an evil monster as Peter. Consider the following:

  • Not only does she verbally abuse her daughter Meg at every opportunity, but she made out with Meg’s girlfriend in front of her to prove that Meg was not a lesbian, and then callously cast aside the obviously-enamored teenage girl whose tongue she had just been sucking.

*Not only does she enable her husband’s mad, stupid schemes but when said schemes begin to annoy her, she has been known to use her martial arts prowess/supers-strength/general awesomeness to beat him up.1 Not only that, but, on TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS that we have seen, she has forced him to have sex over his repeated protests.2 Moreover, whenever Peter is attacked by his arch-enemy, the giant yellow chicken, she never lifts a finger to help–even though, given that she once defeated THREE KRYPTONIANS at the same time, she should certainly be able to handle Big Bird. Clearly she enjoys the sight of Peter’s bruised and bleeding body.

*She’s as much as admitted to getting tattoed under the influence of meth, and to not remembering the details.

*Hers is the womb that spawned Stewie Griffin.

I won’t even mention the larceny, cocaine use, presidential infidelity, and constant canine cock-teasing.

In short, Lois is a child abuser, a callous seductress, a spouse beater, a rapist, and the mother of the Anti-Christ. Clearly **much **more of a bitch than she lets on.

Any other nominations?

  1. Admittedly Peter generally earns much worse beatings than he gets. But that’s not the point.

  2. Also admittedly, Peter seemed to change his mind during the second rape, but that’s not the point either. I don’t know what the point is, but I know that there is a point and that’s not it. Anyway he could have been faking out of fear.

2

Darren, on Bewitched.

Outwardly, he’s a loving, caring father who wants to do well by his family, but at home, he’s constantly berating his wife for using magic.

3

Brenda Walsh - the original 90210.

Sure, she’s bitchy up front. But she’s 10 times more bitchy on the down low. No moral character at all, really.

I think Shannen Doherty was type cast.

4

Not bitchier than she lets on, except when feigned innocence gets her what she wants, but Judy Miller (Jami Gertz) on Still Standing was a step or three closer to evil than the other passive-agressive wives on that glut of “fat, stupid guy with a hot wife” shows of a few years back. They actually were a well-matched couple, equally stupid, venal, self-serving, and manipulative, and of all of that ilk of shows they were the only ones I could imagine staying together for any reason besides masochism.

5

Phoebe on Friends would say and do bitchy stuff all the time, and never get called on it because of being pegged as all sweet and New Agey.

6

Actually I think it was for different reasons. Monica, Rachel, & Ross were all a little afraid of her, as she had demonstrated that in any physical confrontation between her and any two, they’d be her bitches. Joey was always half in love with her; he was willing to beat up a complete stranger for knocking her up and not offering to marry her and required no further information, and was willing to marry her himself to keep her from being alone. And Chandler, of course, was entranced by her very excellent boobies.

7

Wilson from Home Improvement. Westerners that invested in Eastern spiritualism inevitably are covering for deep hostility and aggression.

8

Princess Peach. Oh yeah, she’s so sweet. She gives Mario a kiss on the cheek and sometimes bakes him delicious cakes. Then WTF is her deal with Bowser? She obviously has a thing for him. This will not end well, mark my words.

9

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer;10327615

  • Not only does she verbally abuse her daughter Meg at every opportunity, but she made out with Meg’s girlfriend in front of her to prove that Meg was not a lesbian, and then callously cast aside the obviously-enamored teenage girl whose tongue she had just been sucking.

*Not only does she enable her husband’s mad, stupid schemes but when said schemes begin to annoy her, she has been known to use her martial arts prowess/supers-strength/general awesomeness to beat him up.1 Not only that, but, on TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS that we have seen, she has forced him to have sex over his repeated protests.2 Moreover, whenever Peter is attacked by his arch-enemy, the giant yellow chicken, she never lifts a finger to help–even though, given that she once defeated THREE KRYPTONIANS at the same time, she should certainly be able to handle Big Bird. Clearly she enjoys the sight of Peter’s bruised and bleeding body.

*She’s as much as admitted to getting tattoed under the influence of meth, and to not remembering the details.

*Hers is the womb that spawned Stewie Griffin.

I won’t even mention the larceny, cocaine use, presidential infidelity, and constant canine cock-teasing.

In short, Lois is a child abuser, a callous seductress, a spouse beater, a rapist, and the mother of the Anti-Christ. Clearly **much **more of a bitch than she lets on.

[/QUOTE]

I cant fault anything you say but shes HOT!

10

Frasier on Frasier (though he could be bitchy on Cheers too). I think that he was often used as a foil to the undoubtedly bitchy Niles, but when push came to shove, Frasier was the biggest bitch in the room.

11

Giggity.

12

Tell that to Brian. Poor, blue-balled Brian.

13

And she was one minute away from rocking his world!

14

Well, Superman is kind of a dick sometimes.

15

:: shrugs::

I know without checking that you’re posting to Superdickery. Doesn’t count; it’s pre-Crisis. The current son of Jor-El is a mensch.

16

I was going to say Kelly Taylor. Especially after Brenda left. She comes off as all sweet and nice, but she has this mean, self-centered side.

17

I would argue that all the girls from Friends were bitches. I agree with you, though, that Phoebe should have been labelled “flaky/bitchy,” not just “flaky.”

Another contender - Phyllis from “The Office.” Angela is an in-your-face bitch, but Phyllis is a behind-your-back bitch.

18

Willow from Buffy. Realistically so, in some respects. Seems like the all-giving, all-caring, devotedly loyal sidekick, especially in earlier seasons. But has serious inferiority issues, a wide selfish streak and becomes considerably less self-effacing the stronger she gets.

Not that she’s a horrid bitch objectively of course ( just more 3-dimensional than just a sweet-natured patsy ), but subjectively she’s rather more of one than she lets on as per the OP.

19

Well, except in Season 6.

20

Nitpick - that was Rachel.