Hey! Nowhere in my post did I describe Board members as “people who can type.”
Subject to review of financials I’d be willing to go somewhere around half a million. But I’d want to know the extent of the rest of the property that would come with it, especially if any of it is real estate.
I bid $500,000.50.
Wait, we’re playing by eBay rules, right?
I think you better withdraw this offer before the Reader accepts. I’m suspecting you didn’t check the exchange rate. You just offered US$798m.
But that’s what Cecil Adams stands for!
Who is this dzero fellow you’re talking about? :smack:
Careful, Xap. I’d put you in the editor’s seat!
I bid US$10,000,000 for the Chicago Reader. However, I do not have ready access to these funds at this time. They are being frozen in my accounts overseas and I need to pay processing fees to have these funds released. So, if Creative Loafing will kindly wire the sum of US$4,500,000 to my lawyer, Mr. Yuben T. Richt, in Lagos, I will give the matter my utmost attention and pay the $10 million, plus the $4.5 million in good faith money, plus an additional 25% interest for the inconvenience as soon as my funds are made available to me.
I interpreted it as a call to move towards dumber and snarkier. But, I am pseuso-peripteral.
TO: Chicago Reader
Dear Mr. Reader.
I am Doctor I.M. Matches. I am the emloyee of the united first bakque of mongolia. In my positen, I often find missing airs of fine people of deceased wile our account was had. I am led to you because of this fine people who have died.
Your relateve have died and is now dear and left a will for 25 million dollars US naming Mr. Reader as the persen they want to have this fine money. It will be my pleseauer to offer to you my services for me to get you this 25 million dollars US to you. I will need to help me for this 25 million dollars US to be sent to you from the united first bakque of mongolia.
I will need this information to begin to send to your place your 25 million dollars US claime. Once it is complete, you will receive your 25 million dollars US in 3 weeks from the united first bakque of mongolia.
Please send to me title to any business you may have that show me you are interested in me getting you this 25 million dollars US. When I reciieve these papers, I will trust you to accept this 25 million dollars US and a payment of 25 million dollars US will be sent to you from the united first bakque of mongolia.
If you would like to know about me. I will to refernece me people who no me and the goode I does for all my fine friends like your dead good friend who remembered you. You may see that I have asked for nonthing of your 25 million dollars US. It will be all yours, no taxes for our help here.
You need to tell me your place where I must send this 25 million dollars US .
Your faithfull service
Doctor I.M. Matches
PS. My good friend morgenstern has said he will be quite happy to run the social dope boards while this transaction in process of processing out payment. You can send him the keys to the vault please.
Class, today’s lecture is an especially important one. Now, my illiterate baboons, pay attention for once. I want your slack jaws closed, your eyes propped open with toothpicks, and some sort of recording device in your fingers. The eraser goes to the right. Your other right. Any ear buds will be driven so deep that they may intersect with the randomly twitching brain cell that is all you have in operation.
The subject of today lecture is how to marketize the Chicago Reader’s assets in a modern online media environment. Come back here, Adams. I will hunt you down if I have to!
Outdone!
*Bows
We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!
“Embracing ignorance since 2012 (it’s actually pretty easy).”
I suddenly feel like I did when we were assured that C Band satellite would still be subscribed to.
So you DOUBT my abilities, Mr Mapcase? I, for one, would feel perfectly comfortable running a paper like the Reader. I’ve certainly done it before.
But it’s not dumbing down the smart that’s necessary. It’s changing the target of the smart. Stop outsmarting the readers and helping the readers outsmart the elected and appointed officials. Do that and they’ll love you until they turn on you.
Like starving zombies.
There’s some fun stuff in the news reports on this.
And on the Chicago Reader home page
Nothing that hipsters love more than tater tots.
Perhaps we should all subscribe…“I am interested in your views, and wish to subscribe to your…whatever the hell it is.”
Damned hipsters. How can they not understand that, since no one reads The Reader, it is therefore cool - which makes it required reading. QED.
They’re just a bunch of pseudo-hipster poseurs.
…"‘the smartest-kids-in-the-room kind of lecturing everyone else.’"
She spelled kinda wrong.