Chicken Soup for the SDMB

The BBQ Pit
#1

Recently, there has been a wonderful aura of forgiveness[/url"] and positive energy on this Board. Also, whiteho has requested that the [url=http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000310.html]BBQ Pit be elimitated. In the spirit of this newfound warm fuzziness I will personally be making some changes.

  1. I will be changing my screen name. It will either be AlphaCat or Kittengene.
  2. I do not have kids, but I will get some and refer to them using terms that are just darling like “cubs”.
  3. I will not be afraid to {{{{HUG}}}} or lol!
  4. I won’t take a shit without telling everyone of you about it in detail. I expect, of course, lots of positive support and well-wishing in return.
  5. I will make a massive list of all the harsh injustices of the world, like the time I went to Applebee’s and there was a waiter who took FOREVER to bring the check!
  6. I will watch out for people who find my posts annoying and inane and remind them to “start their own BB” if they want to be a “Board Cop”!
  7. I will do my best to be the most popular SDMB member. If I am not, I will do one of two things:
    7a) throw an online tantrum until I get the unconditional love and attention that I so richly deserve.
    7b) wallow in self-pity and sniff and sob until I get the unconditional love and attention that I so richly deserve.
  8. I will remember that dead people are perfect and did nothing wrong in life.
  9. Sarcasm and demonstrations of superior knowledge will not be tolerated.
  10. I will demand that moderators change their abrasive and sarcastic attitude. I will not rest until they become my ideal moderator, which is someone like Jim Anderson on Father Knows Best; dispensing folksy homespun wisdom and pithy plattitudes that make me feel better about myself rather than point out the obvious stupidity and irrelevance of my posts.

Thank you all, and take care of you!!!

KittyAlphacatgene :slight_smile:

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

#2

Oopsie! I messed up my urls!

Please check out the rampant forgiveness in the thread I call “Everybody Loves Connie”:
http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000313.html

And here is whitetho on his whitehorse doing his best to rid the world of the vile Pit:
http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000310.html

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

#3

OK, AuraSeer sees things that others don’t.

It must be that Alphagene sees an otherwise invisible bullseye…his posts are right on the mark. Beautiful job, Alphakittengene! :wink:

#4

Well, good. With you new outlook, perhaps you won’t be so acerbic at the next NY get-together. Maybe even allow Saxface and Uke to get a word in edgewise for a change.

As to your screen name, I posit that you are no longer an Alpha Male[sup]TM[/sup]. I propose BetaGina.

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

#5

AlphaGene, from another thread in General Questions.

And people who, all they do at parties is repeat tired old jokes in an attempt to insult the people around them, generally go home to sleep alone. Or with people who wish they were sleeping alone.

The alleged “joke” wasn’t funny, and it wasn’t meant to be. It was just another potshot by someone immune from repercussions.

-Melin

#6

[carefully checks and doublechecks to make sure he’s not guilty of any of Alphagene’s Ten Points…phew…looks good…nothin’ there about boneheads who posted in the “Your Favorite Wristwatch” thread]

All RIGHT! Way to go, Alpha! I couldn’t agree with you more!

Uke

#7

OK, you guys, no more jokes at Melin’s expense. She doesn’t like 'em.

#8

Is that the new rule, Ed? “Don’t be a jerk… to Melin”?!?

Yer pal,
Satan

#9

Gee, I think I broke damn near every one of those rules. Or I committed every one of those sins. Or whatever. All I can say is… whatever.

Best!
Byz

#10

Oh, I forgot…

  1. I will attempt to demonstrate that I am “above it all” by my casual overuse of the prepubescent interjection “whatever”.
#11

Heh heh heh. You said “pubes.”

#12

Yeah, I’m above it all. And I think the joke when right above your head.

Best!
Byz

#13

Right on AlphaCatKittenGene!!

I, too, am getting really tired of the small group of posters who are attempting to turn the Straight Dope Message Board into some kind of a touchy-feely encounter group (you know who you are!) . I come here to stamp out ignorance, laugh at absurdity, debate issues and trade witty banter with intellectual peers, but some of you are determined to turn this bastion of logical discourse into one big group hug, with all the mental stimulation of drowning in a vat of marshmallow cream.

The ratio of “General Questions” to “MPSIMS” used to run about five to one, but within the next couple of weeks, the number of posts to “MPSIMS” (where the bulk of the whiny prattle is being disgorged) will overtake “General Questions”. I, for one, think that will be a sad day, and a telling commentary on the Teeming Millions.

With lame-o threads that run to such subjects as “I’m sad today”, “I need advice” and “Isn’t this sweet”, this subversive treacle is smothering the once sparkling repartee of this board under a smarmy wet blanket of politically correct drivel. The content of your posts falls way below the level of “mundane” or “pointless”, to the point of brainless twaddle. If you feel you must practice this diarrhea of the soul, take your fussing, fretting and unctuous emoting over to iVillage.com; at least they expect it from their simpering clientele.

Stuart Smalley, Get Your Own Message Board!

TT

“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide

#14

Gee people, if the Mundane and Pointless threads bother you for being so Mundane and Pointless, why go there? I don’t believe I’ve been to that forum since about the second week this site was up. I felt I have nothing to contribute there as nothing I say can be Mundane or Pointless…

Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
“You cannot reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason.”

#15

Alphagene and Dr. F:
In defense of MPSIMS, where else could you learn about felching?
Inquiring minds want to know these things?

Armed, dangerous…
and off my medication.

#16

DrFidelius has the right idea:

I lurk in most of the forums, but I mainly post in Mundane. It’s stress relief for me. If I see a thread that doesn’t intrest me, I don’t read it.

If I go into a thread and it turns out to be something I don’t want to read, I hit the “back” button.

Damn. Talk about “Mundane”.

It seems to me that the moderators do an excellent job of keeping personal stuff in Mundane and Pointless, where it belongs. One of the things that really drwas me to this board is the diversity and intelligence of the posters, but yeah, sometimes it’s fun to get a glimpse of the human side.

There is nothing stopping you from having witty conversations in Mundane: start a thread of your own.

If you don’t like that, then stay out of Mundane.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

#17

Here we go again. Nothing like the “Don’t be a Board Cop” defense.

You know, I’m not asking that MPSIMS be shut down. I’m not even saying that the whole forum sucks. If you’ve noticed, even the Mighty Alphagene has posted there on occasion. The only way that I know for a fact that some MSPIMS threads suck with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns is that I have actually read a few of them.

But my right to choose which threads I read also involves the right to mock then openly.

Lately many posters have felt oh so slighted by the Evil Straight Dope Empire. I felt the need to show that the easily-offended, warm-fuzzy, huggy-foo-foo attitudes that describe the majority of these anti-SDMB Establishment posters are extremely nauseating.

Ultimately, I feel fortunate that we as a society have been so instilled with the concepts of free will, equality and democracy that some people become grossly offended when someone is the butt of an executive decision made by the powers that be on an internet bulletin board!

…it is rather for me to rant here, dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that this bulletin board under Cecil shall have a new birth of freedom, and that this message board of the people, for the people, and paid for by the Chicago Reader shall not perish from the earth.
Sorry for the rant. You now may all return to your regularly scheduled villification of Ed Zotti.

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

#18

::Hugs and kisses::

#19

Alphagene: Your last name wouldn’t be “Dingus”, now would it? :wink:

I understand that there has been shitloads of syrup lately. I guess my perspective is based on my experiences in Top-40 BBS, like Yahoo.

you think it’s bad in here…

I guess I just figure that being too nice is better than constant insult fights, ya know?

That’s why all I can say is that you have the freedom to rant, and joke about it(yes, the OP was funny…I love satire).

I was really responding to the statement that the nicy-nicy posters need to move.

They don’t. They have every right to be here.

That’s why I say if ya don’t like what ya read, ya gotta either post your own threads and draw viewers, or move elsewhere.

And Alpha? You know you’re the greatest! :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

#20

If the Teeming Millions page was up I’d submit Alphagene’s post for the classics.

OK, I admit it. I’m only saying that now because I know that as long as it’s down I don’t have to do it. If it were up I’d actually be too lazy to do it.

Live for the moment…