Scenario:
State is Maryland
Kids are 14 and 17
I make about 50% more than my ex
At this point kids are with her essentially 100% of the time.
I have a 14 year old son and a daughter who will be 18 on 12/05 of this year. There is no specific proviso in my divorce decree to continue child support for any reason, educational or otherwise, beyond the age of 18. I have always promptly and faithfully paid my child support, and much, much, much more in terms of paying for tons of lifestyle and associated expenses for the kids, because well… they’re my kids.
I don’t begrudge any of these expenses, but I am curious. Once my daughter becomes 18, my total CS expenses (according to the State of Maryland tables) fall by 36% in that only the 14 year old is considered. On the flip side she will still be living in her mother’s house, eating her rmother’s food etc. while she is in Jr. College.
Assuming I’m willing to continue support for her (my daughter) as long as she’s getting an education I have two questions.
1: If I continue to pay the full CS amount as if she was still covered is there any way this can come back legally and bite me in the tail in terms of my options to only pay the reduced amount if I am so inclined in the future? Am I setting up some legally enforceable expectation if I continue to pay the full amount?
2: Would it make more sense for me to pay my 18 year old directly, as she (my daughter) is constantly complaining about how badly she needs/wants money, and my ex and I really want her to focus and get settled academically before she gets a job. I figure she and my ex could work out a sum she would pay her mother, or is this the set up for a huge conflict between her mother and she?
What my Ex did with his oldest daughter was continue to make the same payments but made them directly to her. (She set up a checking account just for this and he had the money direct-depostied to her account.) He was not legally obligated to continue the payments past 18, but felt that it was right to do so while she was in college and since he hadn’t been able to give a lump sum to help with tuition. (She ended up with all academic scholarships so her only expenses were for room and board. ) He continued that until she decided to move in to an apartment with her boyfriend. At that point he felt that she should be responsible for her own living expenses.
In all honesty, my husband and I probably had more disagreement about when to give money to our daughter and how much during her college years than we ever did while she was child. And we were not divorced. Knowing that I would think that it would be better to begin giving money to your daughter directly or supporting the things she wants to do financially if it something that warrants your support. Our kind of “line in the sand” was as long as you are pursuing your education we will help you as much as we can on the things that you need to accomplish that goal. Figuring that out is hard enough. I think adding to the mix having the support funds go through another person would make it even harder. You and your ex-wife probably both agree on the basics child support are spent on such as food, clothes, etc but you may not readily agree on some of the things your daughter asks for help with as she moves out on her own. It gets trickier.
So I would start paying some funds directly to my daughter if I were you, but in the interest of her continuuing to become self-sufficient, I would limit the time frame on that and then start helping her (if you decide to) on a case by case basis.
The joint checking account plan Salem spoke of is the best way to go. The account we established with our daughter is still active “just in case” we need to give her some emergency funds. Overall it is really a non-issue now. And on that positive note, I will just say good luck to you and hope it works out well for you and your family.
I’ve never been married and have no children, so take this as you will.
I would suggest giving the $$ directly to your daughter, but perhaps for a trial period have it going into an account that’s co-signed by either you or your ex (say for the first year).
The money is you daughters, and she can use it for books and pizza nights and whatever, but she has to clear the expense first. My parents did this when I was a youth and it helped me learn some budgeting skills. For instance, I would take a weekly allowance out of my account for crap - spend it on whatever I liked - when that was gone, I had no access to the $$ for further crap - I had to wait until the next week. Obviously my basic needs were still being met, but if I decided to spend the whole allowance on shoes on Sunday, then I had no fun $$ for the rest of the week.
Not child support, but I thought my ex-wife and her third husband worked things out well.
When she left him and decided to go back to school, they worked out a settlement that was essentially a scholarship. He paid her tuition and books, she had to keep a B average and she was responsible for everything else.
Now that your daughter’s 18 (mine’s 22) she’s old enough to earn her own money. But college? I’ve got three in college right now, and that’s what parents are for.
I’m paying for a college for her all the way through, as long as she can keep up her end of the bargain. I just don’t want this to be a money/power battle between her mom and she, if I give her the portion of money (directly) that was previously going to her mother as CS for both kids.
After 18, unless it is stipulated otherwise in your divorce decree, then you are no longer obligated to pay child support to her mother. You are choosing to continue to give your daughter financial assistance and that’s between you and your daughter, it has nothing to do with her mother legally. Personally, I would opt to leave mom out of it. Much cleaner that way.
How responsible with money has your daughter been? Do you have set expectations on where this money should go or is she free to spend it as she sees fit? If you are concerned about her money-handling skills, you may want to do something like pay certain bills directly and then give any remainder as “an allowance” with or without expectations on how the money is used.
