Take a thin plastic dry cleaning bag and tape the hanger hole closed, Cut a 3 foot piece of half inch balsa wood in half and make a cross held together with scotch tape. Attach the balsa wood cross to the bottom opening of the bag. Make a small tin foil container and fill it with Sterno. Attach the container to the center of the cross and add four birthday candles to the cross, one on each leg mid way between the container and the edge of the bag. Light the Sterno and candles and very shortly the bag will fill with hot air. Release the bag. Chase it with your bike. It would stay aloft for about ten minutes and usually land on someone’s roof.
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam.
In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play.
In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…
When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out…
But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
