Hi my cousin got married but it wasn’t a church wedding. I asked my mum about it and she said the bride was catholic while the groom comes from a Lutheran family. I wondered why they didn’t have a Catholic wedding and my mum said that that would involve promising that any children you have go to their church. She said not to ask the couple about it. Is that really a (south) Australian Catholic church policy? Thanks!
It’s a general Catholic thing. The Catholic member of what the church calls a “mixed marriage” has to promise to do all in their power to ensure that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church. Some older priests just won’t conduct marriages unless both parties agree. It used to be that they had to refuse to marry them.
Cool thanks!
In theory the non-Catholic has to agree to not fight it. Apparently in this case, the husband did not. If they eventually have kids and their mother gets a sudden attack of Catholicism at that point (something pretty frequent), there will be trouble.
And the requirement makes sense: one, because there are enough causes of trouble in a marriage when it did not start with “we will baptize them!” “we will not!” before the ‘them’ had even been conceived. And two, hey, if you want your marriage to be recognized by this particular denomination, that means this particular denomination has enough value for you that you’d want to transmit it.
Note that they do not have to promise to take the children to Mass every Sunday or anything like that: they need to be baptized Catholic or in a denomination whose baptism is recognized by the Catholic Church (such as Lutheran) and “raised in the faith”, but the second is exactly as vague as it sounds.
The non-Catholic party doesn’t have to agree- he or she must be informed of the promise made by the Catholic party, but doesn’t need to make any promises or declarations of his or her own. And that’s been the policy for at least 30 years.
That doesn’t mean that no priest anywhere has made up his own rules , or that dispensations cannot be denied if the Catholic party appears to be “going through the motions” , or if the non-Catholic party seems to be hostile to the idea of children being raised Catholic - but there are many other reasons why a nominally* Catholic party might not get married in a Catholic church. Anything from the Catholic church wasn’t available for the time and date they wanted to get married , to the non-Catholic party being more interested in getting married in their own church (maybe because they are more devout, or the pastor is a close friend of the family) to the alternate location being better for photos to one was previously married and the annulment hasn’t come through yet. There are so many reasons that it’s pointless to speculate.
- And I say “nominally Catholic” because more devout Catholics wouldn’t get married in another location for most of these reasons. Maybe if the non-Catholic party felt strongly about getting married in his or her own church, but not the other reasons.
It happened to my brother, but this was over 45 years ago and he had to agree to have the children raised as Catholics. They were, but it didn’t take, AFAIK. His oldest married a Jew (by a reform rabbi, who was willing to call Jewish for his purposes) and I never saw that the other two were especially religious, although their mother was devout. But I have not kept in contact in the 17 years since he died.
I checked the Vatican’s website for information about marriage with non-Catholics and found this papal instruction dating from1966 which gives the church’s formal response on this subject:
I also searched the Catholic Church of Australia’s website, available at www.catholic.org.au, but did not find directives or advice on the topic of marriage with a non-Catholic specific to Australia. Their website does have an “Ask A Question” function that is managed directly by the church.
It’s also possible that the Catholic Theological Union librarians at the Paul Bechtold Library in Chicago, Illinois might be able to help you find more information or resources regarding church policies. They can be contacted via their website at http://www.ctu.edu/library/contact-us
I know a woman who married a Catholic, promised to raise the children Catholic, after three of them, divorced him, and he was never really in their lives again. I don’t even know if she got proper child support out of him; he definitely never visited, nor remembered their birthdays.
Needless to say, she didn’t bother to send them to CCD or sunday school, or ever make them go to a church service (although they’d all been duly baptised Catholic).
She told me once that every so often she felt a little guilty about it. She didn’t really care about church-- although they always had a Santa-and-trees-and-gifts Christmas, and one of her daughters ended up going to her husband’s Baptist church (I think it was the non-fundie American Baptist), and had some sort of confirmation there. She just felt guilty because she made a promise and broke it. Her son was autistic, and probably wouldn’t have had a special ed. CCD class to go to at any rate, and her other daughter was a practicing atheist. She was married my a justice of the peace, and used to try to reassure her mother that she was quite happy never having “wasted” (her word) her time at CCD or church services.
I found it quite interesting that even though the woman didn’t give a damn about Catholicism in general, she felt bad about breaking her promise.
Getting Married FAQs - Australian Catholic Marriage and Family Council “This document is an authoritative source of Catholic teaching… Download now: Getting Married”
It says what everyone else has said.
How does that work?
My daughter married a Catholic. Although neither of them go to church, her mother and his parents are regular church-goers. They were originally planning a Catholic wedding (even though we were not happy about that). In the end, after they found out about all the business of asking the Bishop’s permission, they got spliced in a C of E Church where all are welcome.
Well, if she’s feeling constantly guilty, she’s halfway to being Catholic right there!
I’m glad they found somewhere where they were welcome.
But asking the Bishops permission? I’m sure they had to fill out a few forms and contracts along the way. “Asking the Bishops permission” is a formality much less complex than choosing the wedding dress.
Give penance in the form of “Hail Nobody”.