or been told when you were one. This was fun last time around and I’ve got a good one.
We were going to get a bite to eat before going to see the dolphins so my niece (7) immediately suggested “McDonald’s!” I told her we can’t go there because I’m not allowed back. I refused to go into too much detail but I said I had made a mess and didn’t clean up and didn’t say sorry so now I can’t go back. It’s been about 8 months and she still remembers it well. She’ll suggest “McDonald’s!” then say" … oh, right" sadly.
I am trying to teach her to be more skeptical but it’s hard work. Kids are so gullible.
My dad’s birthday is the day after mine. When I was very small, he used to ask me how it was that I was older than him, which caused me much consternation.
He also told me to never swallow cherry pits, as a tree would grow in my stomach.
I convinced my cousins that I had a tiger in the laundry room. And I would feed them to it if they didn’t shut the fuck up.
Man, kids will believe anything!
You know those round, white-painted stones some people lines their driveways with? When I was very little, my older sister told me those were skulls of people who had been buried standing up. I totally believed her.
My brother was playing with our neice when she was, oh I don’t know… 5? Anyway, she was telling him what she learned in school… about the food chain I guess.
You know, how fish eat smaller fish, and birds eat mice, but other animals eat birds, and so on.
He took that opportunity to plant the nugget that tigers eat toast.
Apparently it came up later at some point and she was quite proud of her “knowledge” of the animal kindom.
I lived for a while where there was a farm field behind the houses. When the field got plowed, the kid next door pointed at some yellow-topped plants and he told me, “Those are mustard plants. They grow upside down, and you can’t see 'em 'til the plow turns 'em over.”
Knowing his family, his daddy may not have known he was lying when he told it to the kid.
My son, aged 7, has believed for nearly 4 years that he was literally in his daddy’s heart before coming to my tummy and therefore will someday have a baby in his own heart. He also believes his grandfathers have had babies in their hearts, which is too gross to contemplate.
I used to tell my kids I was a witch. They didn’t want to believe me, but you could tell they weren’t a hundred percent sure. Sometimes a situation would come up (such as, if I was watching them play without their knowledge and later referred to something they had done) and they would say, “How did you know that?” and I would just rub my hands together and cackle at them. I would also do “magic” like telling the traffic lights when to change.
My daughter had never seen/heard of a blood orange; she was around 9 years old. I bought some blood oranges. I made up a spooky story about how if she held an orange in her hand and concentrated on some person who had wronged her, we could chanel her powers to draw the person’s soul into the orange. She thought I was full of shit. But she was intrigued at the same time.
So, I send her to the kitchen for an orange. She grabs one from my fruit bowl. I do a convincing seance-type chant, with her holding the orange and my hands over hers. Then I take the orange and slice it in half. And she screams.
Your sister has a disturbing amount of imagination. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get that image out of my head for a while.
I’m a new grandfather, and the tykes aren’t quite ready to be victims yet, but I want to use some I learned from the father in Calvin and Hobbes, like “The reason ice floats is that it’s cold and wants to be closer to the sun,” and “Your eyes close when you sneeze so they don’t pop out.”
To keep my nieces out of my room, I told them that there was an alligator under my bed. They never went in there afterwards. I was busted on that a couple of months later when my SIL accused me of terrifying her kids.
My mother-in-law managed to convince my then-little-girl wife that the ice cream man sold fish, which my wife hated at the time.
“But Mommy, why are all the children running after the truck?”
“Because their mothers force them to go buy fish. You want me to do that to you?”
“No!”
My wife would run when she heard the truck’s chimes from then on, until her younger brother was old enough to try the same thing on, and he called his Mom on her BS.
We used to live in a very hilly area, and I once pointed out all of the “hill cows” to my daughter. You know hill cows, right? Their legs are longer on one side than the other, which is how they can stand straight up on the hillside. Regular cows would fall over and roll down the hill. There are two separate species: clockwise hill cows and counterclockwise hill cows. The reason they’re classified as separate species is that they can’t interbreed, for obvious reasons
I was about 6 years old. For some reason I didn’t want to finish my dinner. So, my mother tells me “If you don’t eat it, you won’t have dinner again until tomorrow”.
So I started crying my eyes out and my parents were desperate because I simply couldn’t understand that I still was going to get breakfast and lunch the next day…
I asked my cousin how she managed to grow her hair so long. She told me she taped salt in her belly button. So I walked around with a belly-button full of salt for days.
Same cousin was asked by her daughter why she sometimes had hairy armpits and sometimes not. My cousin told her “sometimes the hairs are sleeping.”
My husband told my son that rubbing cornbread on his face would give him a beard. My son is 5. My husband told him this right before he took off for work (gone at least a week at a time). He made sure to tell my son that it should start popping up in a couple days, and that if it didn’t, to keep asking me about it.
He’s a little bit evil.
