We still kid about this. It’s good stuff. Of course, it’s in the Vault, where I can inflict it upon children when my time comes.
Dick.
My girlfriend, grew up in Jakarta , Indonesia…and apparently her grandmother told her that if she lifted the lid of the rice cooker , somebody somewhere would die…she still get panicked if somebody gets to close to the rice cooker
Friends of mine who have a three-year-old and a mean streak of humour have this book: Great Lies to Tell Small Kids.
“When the ice cream van chimes that means he’s sold out”.
My favourite:
Camels
Pyramids
Date palms
The Nile
Pharaos
The Sphinx
What country are we talking about?That’s right, Ireland!
Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but while in the car the other day my kids started talking about how we messed them up with our bullshit. Essentially when we just spouted crap, and they believed it and took it to school.
Our old house was about a mile away from a busy retail strip that often had searchlights for sales, openings, etc. Right out our front window we would see the searchlights circling, meeting up, and separating again. When my eldest asked my wife what the lights were, she said it was angels dancing in the clouds. I guess she got into some pretty serious arguments with kids who weren’t quite as gullible.
When she was in kindergarten we would often walk or bike to the school playground. We noticed one larger rock - maybe the size of two fists - that was mostly buried in the gravel. I told her it looked a lot like a dinosaur skull, and we should try to excavate it. You know, maybe it was a new species we could name after her, etc. Took several visits before we got the thing out, and darned if it didn’t resemble a dino skull (with a little imagination). We hid our valuable find behind some bushes, and I understand my kid threw a bit of a fit in school when they wouldn’t let her back in the bushes to retreive her fossil.
Our house used to have a strip of woods behind it. Most folks would toss their brush back there in loose piles. The place was infested with mosquitos, but the kids hated putting on bugspray. So we got in the habit of saying the brush piles were bear dens, and we needed to put bear repellant on to keep them away when we walked back there. Problem solved. Then one day we met with the kindergarten teacher. I guess there was an assignment where each kid was supposed to give a health or safety tip. Most kids said things like “Brush your teeth,” “Look before crossing the street.” My daughter seriously advised her class to “Always wear bear repellant when hiking in the woods behind our house.” The teacher said that was good advice, and proceeded to the next kid.
“May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?”
I can’t believe I’m the first person in a two page thread to go there…
In the flurry of packing and moving, I missed this thread! Thank goodness for second chances.
When I was a kid, my dad had me convinced that cat food was made from ground up cats. His logic was impenetrable. As we walked down the aisles of the grocery store, he pointed out canned foods: look, peas! What’s on the picture? Peas. What’s inside? Peas. Look, chilli! What’s on the picture? Chilli. What’s inside? Chilli. Look, cat food! What’s on the picture? Cats! :smack: (Thank goodness we skipped the baby food aisle!)
I had my son convinced for years that Toys R Us was the “Toy Museum.” We’d go and look at all the “exhibits” and I wouldn’t get pestered to buy a thing!
(I saw this one a few years later in Reader’s Digest. I’ll never know if another person did it, or if my story was stolen.) When he was about 4, we spent a whole long day at the mall. He had been so good, but was really at the limit of his endurance. So I got him a special treat: one of those big chocolate chip cookies. The only chocolate chip cookie they had left, I might add. As the woman passed it down over the counter, his eyes were big as dinner plates, and his smile couldn’t be beat. As we turned away, prize in hand, he dropped the damn cookie and it broke into a dozen pieces. He looked up at me, tears welling, lower lip trembling. I thought quickly. “Look!” I exclaimed. “It’s a cookie puzzle! Let’s put it together and then eat it!” Worked like a charm.
One of my 7th grade teachers told the class that her father got her to beleive that Ethiopia had a sister country Oathieepia, and the second verse of “Twinkle Twinkle little star” went “Starkle Starkle, little Twink.”
My grandfather had me convinced for years that a small tree in his back yard was a money tree. He could walk over and pick dollar bills off that tree any time he wanted. I remember spending far too many hours of my childhood going over that silly tree looking for dollars. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized what he’d been doing the whole time. :smack:
I have successfully pulled the old “color was noy invented until 1965 & I can prove it” scam on each of my three daughters. Thanks to TV Land and other “classic TV” channels, the proof is relatively easy - just flip on Bewitched and the Bewitched *in color *& the proof is made. [note - just never let them see the dates on Bonanza or you are screwed]
I thought of doing that to my kids, too. Waaay too much work for the punchline though… 
[QUOTE=Cluricaun]
Sometimes you really think you’re outsmarting them, but sometimes it’s them outsmarting you. My nephew, who was 6 at the time, asked me one Saturday afternoon if I knew who Squanto was. This being around Thanksgiving I figured they were going over the pilgrim stuff at school. So I told him that sure, I know all about Squanto. Then I started to embellish the story a little bit. QUOTE]
I did much the same thing with my kids, except I always told them about the exploits of the three greatest men who ever lived - James Bond, Evel Knievel and Colonel Sanders. Man, there wasn’t much those guys (or their ancestors) didn’t do, invent or win at one point in time or the other.
mm
We go to the Garfield Park Conservatory here in Chi every New Year’s Day. in one room, they have “working” plants - taro, coffee, etc. And a gum tree. For several years I didn’t realize that the kids actually believed I was pulling wrapped pieces of Wrigley’s from the tree…
April Fools day. My friend Jerry is staying overnight. We’re sleeping peacefully, perhaps 7-8 years old…when my father starts shaking us awake. “The President is coming!” he tells us. So the two of us, not knowing what day it is, jump out of bed. He says “Come on, you have to make signs!” We work carefully for at least 10 minutes, then charge next door to the community meeting building, in our pjs, waving our signs.
That was the first time I actually saw someone laugh till they cried. This was the same man who bought a blow-up doll for a friend’s wedding anniversary and brought it into church when they renewed their vows (or so he told me, I DID see the doll.) 
My godfather used to tell me that if he unscrewed my belly button my butt would fall off. I believed that for years because my dad backed it up.
One of my uncles used to threaten to hang me upside down by nailing my toenails to the top of a door. :eek: I guess I must have been getting in the way a little…
We have a book full of things kids believed when they were little but the one that makes me laugh the most is just cruel - one girl told her younger sister that sometimes the tooth fairy gets drunk and takes an eye instead