(This is my first rant, so if you don’t like reading newbie rants, then fuck off. If you’ve got nothing better to do than critique my level of venom, then I’ll let you polish my knob to pass the time).
This rant was sparked by walor in http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77488
Now, I don’t mean to single out walor; I don’t even know the guy, so it’s nothing personal. It’s just a good summary of the shit I heard over and over again back when I was a Christian. I’m sure most of you have heard it. A Christian with a shit-eating grin stands up in church, Bible study, the fucking supermarket, or wherever, and says that religion doesn’t save; Jesus does.
Guess what, genuises? BELIEVING THAT JESUS SAVES IS A RELIGION!!! Believing that you must submit to Allah is a religion. Believing that God’s word is contained in the Torah and the Talmud is a religion. We call these religions, respectively, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism.
No, walor, Jesus did not despise religion. If he had, he wouldn’t have said anything like “No one gets to the Father except through me.” He would have instead said something like “Think for yourselves, dammit! I’m not the key to the Father, you’re not the key to the Father, hell, there might not even BE a Father!”
I’m sorry, Mr. Shit-Eating Grin Christian in the Supermarket, but your statement that you can have Jesus without religion is pure steamin’ bullshit. walor and friends, if you reject religion, you cannot be a Christian. If you want to say, “I believe in Jesus, but I don’t think you need to eat crackers on Sunday to be saved,” then FINE, say it. If you want to say, “Baptism, schmaptism, I love Jesus and that’s enough for me,” then FINE, say it (although I reserve the right to induce vomiting).
I don’t know why (many) Christians like to do say that they don’t like religion. I suspect it’s some sort of wannabe-ism. “Oooh, Ms. New Ager gets to pray to crystals and smoke weed, while I’m stuck listening to some hymn written in 16th Century Germany [one of the happiest places ever!]. Fuck that noise, we don’t need these stodgy rituals! We can be cool too!”
So let’s review, shall we? Christianity is a religion. Face the fucking music and accept it. No one thinks you’re “cool” because you pretend it’s not. And you’re not fooling anybody. Well, except maybe others with cranium-studded colons.