Christians FROM SPAAAACE...!

“This crucifixion is too dangerous!” The Ewoks tell you that there is no messiah in their species, that they believe the only way to Heaven is through Jesus.

For full disclosure, in case y’all think I’ve gone wrong in my mind-tank by thinking of Christian aliens, I took the idea from this video, a caller rings up an Austin-based public access atheist show. Warning: That video may make your head hurt.

Interesting parallel with C. S. Lewis’s Space Trilogy, in which Jesus came once and to only one world. Mars rebelled to a minor extent but its patron archangel dealt with the crisis himself, but Ransom became aware, in Perelandra, that if the Fall occurred on Venus then something even more drastic than the Incarnation would be called for.

The Martian inhabitants aren’t human, but the Venusians are, skin-colour aside; sapient species originating A.D. share the form in which Maleldil became flesh.

Ok in all seriousness I’d want to know how long they’ve been worshiping Jesus Chris, and get some scientifically irrefutible evidence to support it. Perhaps something that could be carbon dated and examined by experts who could say, “Yup, this painting/sculpture/whatever is definitely several hundred years old. There’s no way this thing was made any time recently.”

If the aliens could produce irrefutable evidence that they had been worshiping Jesus Christ since the resurrection and all that jazz, I would probably reconsider my own atheist perspective on the universe.

I’d also be curious as to the physical mechanism that God used to lead them to Earth. Did he speak in a booming voice from the clouds? Did he build them their space ships that would lead them here? Etc, etc. I’d want to see the proof of how and why they came.

I was going to bring this up - Perelandra is one of my favorite Lewis books.

Although I disagree with Lewis - I think Jesus redeemed humankind; if there are other species created in God’s image that require redemption I think that the story of their reconciliation with God could be quite different.

In that case I don’t think you are disagreeing with Lewis as much as you think - from Perelandra and elsewhere I seem to have picked up a line to the effect that “God never tells the same story twice”. And of course for the space aliens in this story, redemption could mean making the pilgrimage to the planet where the Incarnation took place. Or indeed they might be an unFallen race who do not need redemption but are making the trip out of pure love. :slight_smile:

Then we are invaded by Shoggoth, who believe that Jeshu Cthulu was deep fried in tempura batter to redeem the Universe and all other forms of belief must be exterminated by force.

I’d want to know what happened to the Space Jews.

In space, no-one can hear … the Spanish Inquisition!

I wasn’t expecting that. :eek:

They are all Jews out there. Haven’t you seen tentacle porn - all the tentacles are circumcised, right?

That about covers it for me too.

Mormons? How about Scientologists?

Of all the crazy shit I’ve heard about Scientologists, that they’re Christians is the craziest one of all.

I won’t say the obvious response here … :smiley:

Given this,

*Luke 24:51 and it came to pass, in his blessing them, he was parted from them, and was borne up to the heaven

Mark 16:19 The Lord, then, indeed, after speaking to them, was received up to the heaven, and sat on the right hand of God*

I would be inclined to think the aliens were probably the illusionists who made all the “miracles” happen and then took Jesus away in their ship. (I mean come on, folks, have you not seen The Life of Brian? Check their ductwork.) Probably been fucking with humans’ heads for millennia. They need to be killed slowly in the worst way possible: leave the safety of the ship and all bets are off.