I had my first Christmas in isolation from family twenty years ago, and the first time round was tough. But I’ve since celebrated it in a huge number of ways in many parts of the world, and I am about to again today (it’s already Christmas where I am - merry Christmas!). It’s actually good to change it around a bit, and doing new stuff is fun.
The advice ‘make your own traditions’ is good. Remember, the traditions that you grew up with were largely created by your family too. Now it’s your turn.
My girlfriend is visiting and we’re having fun arguing about when we should open gifts, what we should have for breakfast, etc. That’s the way these things are born. I’ve booked us into a nice restaurant and we’ve nothing else planned - we’re going to have to wing it. We’ll Skype our families late in the day… and that’s about it. But I know it’ll be a good day - and it will for you too.
Christmas is a very kid-centric holiday. So it’s easy to think that how it was when you were 7 or 12 is how it must always be. Obviously that’s silly thinking. But we’re more ruled by emotion & memory than we are by cold reason.
Adopt a new role. Ask yourself: “What is the holiday *really *about?”
For religious folks it’s about Jesus, mangers, traveling wise guys, and all the rest. Emphasize more of that. For everybody else it’s about winter (or summer down South), good will to all, peace on earth, and parties with various groups. And maybe gifts. In a word, fellowship.
So do some of that. Then do more, or different next year. If your friends, neighbors, or co-workers aren’t having parties, have one (or three) yourself & invite them. The local college will have some xmas-y performance; go see it. Going mall hopping is fun if you don’t actually need or want anything. You can either get swept up in the frenzy or feel smug about not getting swept up; whichever reaction makes you smile is good.
IME dealing with this for a 10+ years now is that the empty feeling gets a lot bigger on the 26th after you’ve played bah humbug than it ever is on the 23rd when you’re stumbling around for something to do. So do something.
While I’m not one to raise Xmas to insane heights, I agree with the folks upthread who suggest doing something, anything, every few days from Thanskgiving on. The massive build-up & anticipation was much of the fun as a kid. We don’t have the opportunity or the need for that much stimulation as adults. But some is good.
One thing’s for sure, you’re never going to experience the wonder of age-7 Christmas again. Neither are you going to experience the limitless fun potential of age-8 last day of school. Or the angst of that first kiss. Or the thrill of a new driver’s license. Being grown-up is different. Own it. Ride that bitch for all he/she’s worth.
I am a big believer in wallowing in self-pity. Do it right and get it over with!
Most of my family and too many friends are dead, and on specific holidays or birthdays, I feel good and blue, and gaze out the window like Susan Hayward or Lana Turner in a Ross Hunter film, my chiffon scarf billowing in the breeze, sad background music . . . I find that being a huge drama queen and *really feeling sorry for oneself *is great therapy. Sadness is part of a full life, like Special K and a healthy breakfast!
It took some getting used to (okay, not really that long), but now I love the part of the holidays with just me and my husband. I strongly second (third? fourth?) the suggestion of make your own traditions. That is what we did and I would hate like hell to give that time up to any friend or family member.
Our tradition for the last 15 years or so; Xmas Eve (or whatever date works - he is frequently on shift during holidays) we have a candlelit dinner for two, put on loungewear, light all the candles in the living room, open presents, watch a movie, drink too much, eat some really good chocolate, have some special holiday sex, and generally give about 6 hours over to hedonism.
I’m not being snarkey- have you talked to your wife about this? This seems like a prime opportunity for a real heart to heart, and I bet you’ll find some resolution when you’ve shared this with someone involved.
{{hugs}} I’m sorry this is the way things are for you now. That does not mean it has to be that way in the future. It’s never too late to make new friends or get in touch with old friends. All of my friends and family are far, far away but I feel close to them still. My “decorations” this year consisted of a wreath that I left behind in my temporary camp-site when I left to go south.
I went through this at Thanksgiving. Last year it all changed drastically for me, and it was hard this year to remember the awesome Thanksgivings we used to have and seeing how much it now sucks. I vow that next year will be different, though- I’m going to have a dinner at my house, and invite people that will make it nice, and create new traditions and memories. Christmas always has sucked for me, as my kids have always been at their dad’s and it’s just me, usually, so hey, no problem- I’m used to sucky Christmases.
Diggerwam at least you have a spouse in the house you could talk to, as even_sven suggests a few posts up. Contrast with PapSett, up-thread, who doesn’t even have that.
Dare I speculate that SDMB sees a big jump in activity on weekends like this, with all those people for whom this is all there is?
MAD Magazine did an “article” many many years ago, titled “You Know You’re On Your Own When . . .” (one of those Dave Berg pictorials, IIRC). One entry said something like “You Know Your On Your Own When you celebrate Christmas by inviting the janitor in for a beer.”
Another was “You Know You’re On Your Own When you celebrate your birthday by sticking a candle into a cupcake and having a good cry.”
And that was years before there was SDMB. Now, You Know You’re On Your Own when you spend Christmas Eve on SDMB.
It’s me, Mrs. Digger, hoping I’ve done right by him. Had the remaining family members over, went out for a nice dinner, said supportive things. Basically, trying to move toward creating our own new habits and traditions and hoping they stick.
I have had to adapt several times too, but have no idea what he must be feeling these last 2 years and admit that. I can only try to listen, make suggestions, and hope the brief time with his cousins + tomorrow with my family can be enough.
Our holiday get-togethers used to consist of about 25-30 people. My mother would set up long tables down in the den to accommodate everybody. I’m talking those folding-leg tables like you’d see down in the Fellowship Hall at church. One bowing from all the food, the other one lined with “places;” napkins and silverware. The plates were stacked on the food table like at a buffet.
Then, in one five month period, we buried six family members. It was like a train wreck, a plane crash where all the members of a family are lost, except they just started dropping life flies, individually, from various illnesses.
And then we were three.
Three friggin’ people! s’posed to whoop it up? Merry ho-ho-ho?
Our older son had gotten married and had his wife’s extended family to celebrate with.
We three who were left…our younger son would escape as soon as possible to go over to friend’s house, secretely smoke dope, and compare CDs.
So my husband and I started going to a move on Christmas Day. Different for us because he doesn’t care anything about movies or TV. Different for me because I’m too cheap to pay full price for anything.
But it was Christmas. A time to splurge for a pleasure that DIDN’T last and couldn’t be pulled back out each winter. It had to be repeated each year.
And those are my heavy words of wisdom to you. Start creating your own traditions. not what you’d expect’s suggestion is good; take your mind off your own stuff and concentrate on somebody else.
Or blow a bunch of money on over-priced popcorn.
But do SOMEthing that becomes yours. Time passes…things change. But those of us who are still here ARE STILL HERE.
Shake your butt and boogey, even if it’s while you’re standing in line.
Sorry to hear that Christmas is generally sucky. I feel for you. I often have to work on Christmas (this year I am off because it falls on my scheduled weekend, no other reason.)
Children with ex-wife, parents a little too far away to justify a down & back trip (gotta work early tomorrow), so it’s me alone time.
But I am a firm believer in making the best out of the situation. I woke up a little early this morning and gave myself my first present, a long soaking bath with epsom salts! It has been years since I have done that. Soon I will fire up the dvr and watch some football I have not had a chance to watch. In a couple hours I will start the turkey & all the fixins for me. Just me.
I have spent the past few years catering to the whims and needs of others. My present to myself this year is re-direction. This is a gift I heartily suggest for everyone else.
We had a sucky Christmas, too, won’t get into it, but when we came home we drove around in the festive Christmas rain to look at the Christmas lights, as is our custom. This year we spotted not one, not two, but three Festivus poles set up on lawns in our neighborhood, each wound round with lights. Happy holidays, indeed!
for an Adult with a job, everyday is Christmas. I can buy what I want and give to others within my budget. The season of Christmas has always been a job related personal hell I could have done without but even then, it’s what I make of it as a traditional holiday once the workday is over.
I guess I don’t understand what the op is missing in both the literal and symbolic sense.
I understand exactly how he feels - he’s simply mourning the fun Christmases past. (It’s like Thanksgiving with me - we had wonderful times when I was young and my father was alive, driving down to visit my rich uncle in the suburbs of NYC. We’d have a fabulous meal in their stunning home and next day off to sightsee and see a Broadway show. Flash forward several decades and I don’t even cook a turkey, we make reservations - me, my disabled brother, and elderly mom - and go out to eat. A huge hassle in itself, but then the day is done. I accept it, one step at a time, and it’s over, but though I still think about the past, that’s only a memory. In my new reality, I’m happy to make bro and mom’s day happy, and I go home relieved and feeling I’ve done a good thing.) You do what you can to make the Big Giddy Holiday bearable to yourself, find something to make you happy. Serving meals at a soup kitchen, taking a hike, drinking wine and watching your favorite movies, ordering takeout. Just get through the day, focus on the good parts, and stop thinking about the fun times in the past because they’re gone.
I almost could have written the OP - I’ve been thinking many of the same things.
Before I was born, my mom and her 3 sisters decided to take turns hosting a Christmas Eve party. One of my aunts died when I was too young to remember her, so then it was just my mom and her 2 sisters taking turns. These annual parties were one of my favorite things about the season. All my aunts, uncles and cousins were there.
When I was in my late teens, one of my aunts, due to her health, decided she could no longer host. So then it was my mom and her one sister. Then after a few years my other aunt decided she wasn’t up to it. My mom did one more party, when I was 22, and decided she didn’t want to host every year, and it was time for the next generation to take over. So that was sort of the end of an era.
Since then, random cousins have offered to host each year. But now the family is so expanded. It’s not just my aunts, uncles and cousins - but it’s also my cousins’ spouses and their own kids and in-laws, and the family is so spread out that it’s just too much damn work and nobody wants to host such a crowd indoors. I would have liked to host but our house isn’t big enough. So this year, for the first time, nobody hosted.
So, each section of the family sort of “regrouped.” Two of my cousins rented a cabin with their spouses and kids. My aunt drove to her out-of-town daughter’s house to spend Christmas there. My parents hosted Christmas Eve for just me and my sisters and our families. So we are back to a grouping of sisters - only now I’m one of the sisters instead of my mom & aunts. But it just seems very odd not to see “everyone” on Christmas Eve like we used to. And it was a little depressing for me, without all the people and the hubbub. It just didn’t seem “special.” I see my sisters and parents all the time, because we all live within easy driving distance of each other.
I like the advice about making your own traditions. I guess that’s what me and Mr. Ipsum will need to do. We don’t have kids, and no current plans to have any, so it’s just us.
OK, I got the general gist of that but thought maybe there was more to it. Yeah, If someone had a good childhood with traditions that continued into adulthood that all eventually fades away. If I’ve learned anything it is that nothing is permanent.
to look at the Christmas lights, as is our custom. This year we spotted not one, not two, but three Festivus poles set up on lawns in our neighborhood, each wound round with lights. 
Happy holidays, indeed!