Christmas shopping fun

I was at a Toy’s 'R Us this weekend, hunting for a teddy bear and savoring the chaos in the air. In the electronics aisle I was approached by an old woman looking for help (I suppose thought I was an employee because I was the only young guy in a button up shirt and slacks). She was holding an armful of videogame controllers.

“Excuse me, my grandson wants a new control for his video game, can you help me”

“Er, sure. What’s he asking for.”

“He needs one of these” Indicating the six or so she had in her arms “they have buttons that make the game do things”.

“Um, Riiiight. Well first off, what kind of system does he have?”

“It’s hooked into the T.V.”

“Um… okay, that’s a good start. Do you know if it’s a Nintendo or a Playstation?”

“It’s a Zenith.”

“No, no. I mean the game system.”

“Oh! Well, its gray.”

“Sounds like a Playstation. Are the games little disks, or little boxes?”

“Little boxes.”

“Then it’s a Nintendo”

“Little boxes with little disks inside them.”

“Then it’s a Playstation.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, unless it’s a Dreamcast.”

“Your not trying to confuse me, are you?”

“No, I let the companies do that for me. Okay, when did he get the game system?”

“For his birthday”

“No, no. I meant what date, what year?”

“April third, I think it was a Tuesday, but don’t hold me to it.”

“This year?”

“No, I think it April third was a Thursday this year. But we had the party on Saturday because he had school. I remember because we also got him a pair of nice warm flannel pajamas, and he’s already grown out of them…”

“Okay, okay. It’s a Playstation. Was there anything special he wanted the controller to do?”

“Yes, he wanted the ones you have to feed.”


“Feed them.”


“Yes, with some games you can feed things.”

“Oh I see, “Feedback”, he wants “Force feedback” controllers.”

“That’s right, what do they do?”

“Well they have little vibrators in them…”

Needless to say, that line raised her eyebrow.

“…And when you drive over rough ground they shake, What did you think I ment?”

“Nothing, nothing. Will I need anything else?”

“Well, improved memory might help”

I honestly think she thought I’d insulted her.


“Memory cards, next aisle.”
Isn’t Christmas over yet?


Last year I witnessed two ladies get into a fist fight while waiting in line with their children to sit on Santa’s lap.