Christmas songs with parts that irritate me

[cochrane]

@Shoeless

“Little St. Nick” - the line about half a dozen reindeer and Rudy to lead. What happened to the other two reindeer?

I know that Comet had to stay home and clean the sink.

[DSYoungEsq]

@cochrane

I watched the video. It’s an anonymous background singer, not Richard. He sings a couple of lines afterwards.

He would HAVE to sing it for a video, since in the video, Richard cannot be singing both lines…

[Steve_MB]

@ElvisL1ves

Fortunately, “O Come All Ye Faithful” is usually not performed with the second verse,

True God of true God, Light from Light Eternal,
Lo, He shuns not the Virgin’s womb;
Son of the Father, begotten, not created

It’s been a while since the Arian and Monophysite heresies amounted to much of anything, but I guess some people just can’t let go of the struggle.

[cochrane]

@DSYoungEsq

He would HAVE to sing it for a video, since in the video, Richard cannot be singing both lines…

I don’t get your point. The camera zooms in on the singer, and he doesn’t sound like Richard.

[WOOKINPANUB]

@terentii

I feel the same way about “Sleigh Ride.” First off, I fucking *hate *snow, not despite my background (Minnesota and other subarctic environs) but because of it. Second, no friends of mine would be douchebags who stand around outside in the middle of winter going “Yoo-hoo!” Third, every time I hear that whip I have visions of an entirely different sort. Fourth, I don’t want to hear fucking sleighbells “ring-ting-tingling too.” Neither do I want to hear a fucking horse being told to “Giddy up, giddy up, let’s go!” I especially don’t want to hear “Let’s look at the show, we’re riding through a wonderland of snow!” I don’t want to look at any fucking show whose main feature is something that can suck the life out of you in thirty minutes flat. :mad:

All of these complaints are valid but you omitted the the worst part: Karen Carpenter’s soulless, over enunciation. And what’s with the way she sings “yewwwwww”? I know she has a lot of fans but the sound of her makes me want to do mayhem.

John Mellencamp’s version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is tolerable but when he sings the line “then I saw mommy tickling Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white” it sounds like he saw mommy tinkle on Santa.

[Shoeless]

@AlsoNamedBort

My biggest problem with that song is the line “Christmas comes this time each year.” Which might be the worst lyric in any song ever. What, like I forgot and thought Christmas was in October?

Let’s face it. The Beach Boys just need to stay the hell away from Christmas music. Have you heard their version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”, with big band orchestration intermixed with circus music? WTF?

[Chronos]

Another one from “I’ll be Home for Christmas”:

“Please have snow, and mistletoe, and presents ooo-oon the the tree”.

Who the heck puts presents on the tree? And if you’d just put them under the tree like normal folks, you wouldn’t even have to stretch out “on” to two syllables.

[MovieMogul]

I despise “The First Noel” because it’s such a pain to sing, since virtually every other syllable covers multiple notes. Having one word (especially a mono-syllabic one) cover a note change occasionally is standard, but in that song, it’s incessant.

Here are some of the classic, very singable carols

“O Come All Ye Faithful, joyful and triumphant” (12 syllables, 12 notes)
“Joy to the World, the lord has come–let Earth receive her king” (14 syllables, 14 notes)
“O Little Town of Bethlehem, how still we-ee see thee lie” (14 syllables, 15 notes)
“Hark the Herald Angels Si-ing, glory to the newborn king” (14 syllables, 15 notes)

Now here’s the Fucking First Noel

“The-uh Fir-irst No-oh-el, The-ee angel did say…” (9 syllables stretched across 13 notes)
“Ih-in fiee-elds wher-ere they, lay-ay keeping their sheep…” (9 syllables, 13 notes)
“A-and by-ey the-eh light uh-of tha-at same star…” (8 syllables, 13 notes)
“A-and to-oo the-eh earth, i-it ga-ave great light…” (8 syllables, 13 notes)

And so on ad nauseum. HATE, HATE, HATE!!!

[terentii]

@WOOKINPANUB

All of these complaints are valid but you omitted the the worst part: Karen Carpenter’s soulless, over enunciation. And what’s with the way she sings “yewwwwww”? I know she has a lot of fans but the sound of her makes me want to do mayhem.

I hate the song no matter who sings it. You should hear Johnny Mathis’s version. It’s cringeworthy.

[Darren_Garrison]

Exactly where is Santa Clause Lane and is it anywhere near the bunny trail?

[terentii]

@WOOKINPANUB

John Mellencamp’s version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is tolerable but when he sings the line “then I saw mommy tickling Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white” it sounds like he saw mommy tinkle on Santa.

Whoa! Santa Claus is into water sports? :dubious: Who’d’a thunk it?!? :eek:

[ElvisL1ves]

@Darren_Garrison

Exactly where is Santa Clause Lane and is it anywhere near the bunny trail?

Carpinteria, California. Unless that’s a copyright trap.

It’s down at the end of Lonely Street.

[kaylasdad99]

@ElvisL1ves

No, I don’t mean those that are simply overrepeated on the radio, like Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas”. That’s not so bad in itself, and I know there are those who love it. Or “The Little Drummer Boy”, who badly needed to have those drumsticks jammed somewhere …

Funny you should bring that up. I’ve fixed the last verse to make it more plausible as something that would happen when a woman has just given birth and the baby is finally asleep.

*Mary nodded (pah rum-pah pum pum)
It was a secret sign (pah rum-pah pum pum)
Then Joseph took my arm (pah rum-pah pum pum)
He led me from the barn (pah rum-pah pum pum)
(rum-pah pum pum)
(rum-pah pum pum)

Then he smiled at me (pah rum-pah pum pum)
and fed me my drum.

(right up my bum)*

You’re welcome.

[kaylasdad99]

@aceplace57

The only Christmas song that gets tiresome is* Twelve Days Of Christmas.* There’s so many verses and it references gifts that are unusual today.

I think of it as 99 Bottles of Eggnog on the Wall…

[kaylasdad99]

@CalMeacham

Honestly, though, how many people know of “Christmas Ghost Stories” not by Dickens? I notice that your linked article doesn’t refer to any.

Dickens, by the way, wrote more than just that one Christmas Ghost Story – he also wrote The Man that Haunted Himself, one of Dickens’ other, much less successful Christmas books. It’s sort of Christmas Carol with the Scrooge-guy’s future self as the ghost of Christmas future. He also wrote a story -within-a-story of “The Goblin who Kidnapped a Sexton”, a sort of proto-Christmas Carl, inside the Pickwick Papers. Betcha nobody here has even heard of these, let alone read 'em.

You lose.

I have a slim volume entitled A Norman Rockwell Christmas, which, in addition to having a satisfyingly large collection of Christmas-themed Rockwell reproductions, contains several short stories, including The Goblin who Kidnapped a Sexton.

It wasn’t really that scary.

[Hampshire]

Feed The World:
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you

Dear Lord,
I sure am glad you choose them to screw over instead of me.
-Amen

[kaylasdad99]

@Shoeless

Let’s face it. The Beach Boys just need to stay the hell away from Christmas music. Have you heard their version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”, with big band orchestration intermixed with circus music? WTF?

You want WTF, you should read about The Man With All the Toys.

Guy’s out in the cold, sees a shack with a light in the window. Looks in and sees it’s Santa’s workshop. He probably wanted to go in, but instead he went out and told everybody about it.

He’s the Ma-a-a-n Wi-i-i-th A-a-a-ll the To-o-o-ys

[kaylasdad99]

@Darren_Garrison

Exactly where is Santa Clause Lane and is it anywhere near the bunny trail?

@terentii

Whoa! Santa Claus is into water sports? :dubious: Who’d’a thunk it?!? :eek:

NOT a copyright trap. I’ve driven past it many times. It’s been a while, though, and I’m not certain the 20-foot high bust of Santa Claus is still there.

[kaylasdad99]

@ElvisL1ves

1. “Do You Hear What I Hear?” - A child, a child, shivers in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold. What kinda good is silver and gold gonna do him? Bring the kid a blanket instead, okay? Don’t you know he’s shivering? Just stop at the Bethlehem Wal-Mart and spend some of that silver on what he needs.

I have a different take on this. The king should be saying “What do you mean ‘Let US bring,’ commoner? You got some silver and gold there in your pocket? Tell ya what, though. We can bring him your talking lamb and say it’s from both of us.”

[Sherrerd]

@Hampshire

Feed The World:
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you

Dear Lord,
I sure am glad you choose them to screw over instead of me.
-Amen

Yeah, the sarcastic mockery of some hypothetical someone who apparently is thanking God “it’s them,” doesn’t come off at all well.

Nor does the actual title of the song: “Do They Know it’s Christmas?”–that question carries an implicit suggestion that Christianity is far more important than any religion the benighted denizens of Africa might happen to follow. Insulting, to say the least.