A week or two ago, I heard that the CIA had come up with a plan to stop school shootings and was about to announce it. I haven’t heard anything since. I can’t find anything in newspapers or online. Can someone fill me in on what I missed?
The CIA gathers intelligence about foreign countries and other threats to US interests. Why would they be interested in school shootings?
It’s a conspiracy.
It was on 60 Minutes II last night. The Secret Service is putting on a road show for educators to show them how to recognize potentially dangerous kids. After attending one of the presentations, educators in (I think) New England thwarted a student’s plan to kill people. Basically, the idea is that all of the kids who went on violent rampages to date have talked about their plans beforehand. Al they have to do is listen and pay attention. Sounds reasonable, but not really foolproof.
From a CIA press briefing released last week:
“In order to halt the actions of the likely ‘Goth’ coup, the CIA has been training the football team in the latest anti-dweeb tactics. If violence breaks out and the anarchist Goth minority attempt to overthrow the preppy-jock controlled, democratic student government the football team will be led by expert CIA dweeb and nerd bashers in countering said insurgency. The football team has been trained in classic ninjitsu ‘noogie’ and ‘gimmee your lunch money’ techniques as well as being trained in the use of the modern dweeb canon…”
hehe but i jest…
Aaah so it was the Secret Service. That would explain why I couldn’t find it. Thanks, Johnny and Goose!
Friedo, there are many reasons why the CIA would be interested in school shootings. Since school shooters are hypnotized and trained by the CIA to commit the murders for the purpose of rallying the public behind disarming itself so we won’t be able to fight back against a UN invasion, the CIA might have decided that their work was done, the conspiracy was far enough ahead, and it was time to start mocking us.
“Our report on how to end school shootings:
We’ll stop perpetrating them! Ha!
You’re welcome…”
Another possibility is that with so much these days being called “terrorism”, via convoluted bureaucratic processes the CIA got word of this new threat to national security and decided to investigate and snuff it out. A statistically insignificant fraction of us would now be safer and we could all sleep better at night.
But of course, making firearms less accesible to our children would be stupid and Un-American. right?