Earlier this month, Citibank sent me some checks at a very nice interest rate with an offer for me to do some balance transfers. “Nifty!” I think. Mr. Athena has quite a bit of money on high-interest credit cards, and as we’re trying to buy a house, consolodating them at a low interest rate would be great!
Problem is, the balance on his account is about $4K more than the credit limit on the Citibank card. I call 'em to get a credit line increase. Seems that using these checks give an automatic $2K increase, and the helpful lady increased my credit limit another $2K. I say “OK, tomorrow I am going to take one of these checks, make it out for $X dollars, and deposit it in my checking account. I will then write checks to pay off my other credit cards out my checking account.”
“Sure!” says the perky account representative. “Go ahead! Write the check! We’ll lend you that money at low interest! No problem!”
I go to Wells-Fargo the next day, deposit the check. Wells Fargo tells me the money is available immediately. I think “great!” and happily write out the checks to pay off the other credit cards.
Fast forward a week, to last Sunday evening. I decide to check the balance of my checking account on-line. The balance? Negative. Five figures negative.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
I call Wells-Fargo. They inform me that Citibank has refused to honor the check. They refused to honor the check that I called them about, TWICE in fact, and told them I was going to write out.
I call Citibank. Seems that the $2k increase I requested cancelled out the automatic $2k increase promised in the checks. Did the CUNT on the PHONE when I called TWICE mention this to me?!? Fuck no. When I said "I’m writing this check out for $X, she said “Go ahead! We’ll honor that! We LIKE to lend you money!”
I get the fucking son-of-a-bleeding-bedsore-ridden-whore to up my account balance to the amount of the check I wrote out. This takes a few hours, so I call back the next morning. Yippee! It’s been upped. However, the fucker didn’t mention I have a $5.00 balance on the account. They will not honor the check I wrote, the check that they told me a week ago to “go ahead and deposit” because of a $5 balance.
I talk to a supervisor, who allows me to do a phone payment of the $5.00. Fine. I talk to Wells Fargo again, they say they’ll resubmit the check and everything will be fine on Wednesday.
Today’s Wednesday. There’s still a hold on my account.
I call Wells-Fargo. Of course, the woman who I spoke to before and left a message for yesterday is neither available nor did she return my call. I talk to another supervisor. After 35 minutes on hold, I get cut off.
I call back. The person I was talking to is now “unavailable.” Donkey cock feltchers.
I talk to yet another supervisor, explain the whole story. She tries to call Citibank, who claims to have no knowledge of the check. She comes back and tells me there’s nothing else that Wells-Fargo can do, they resubmitted the check on Friday, they haven’t heard a thing from Citibank.
Bleeding cunt whackers.
I call Citibank. They claim everything is hunky dorey, and the problem is with Wells-Fargo. I spend another 30 minutes on the line with them, trying to talk to Wells-Fargo, then I accidentally hit the wrong key on my fucking phone, and cut myself off.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Back on the phone. I hate goddamn banks.