I just think once people get used to living in a particular situation, they just never leave. That can be people who live their lives in a NYC apartment and wouldnt want to leave for a cheaper area or persons living in a rural area who have advanced skills and degrees but dont want to move to an urban area where the job market is better. And I have known both. Its just hard for them to break out of their rut.
This is why I like Kansas City and most of the midwest in general. The housing isnt terribly expensive and their are good jobs. If I wished for the urban life without a car, we have that downtown. One can get a house in a rural area and still be only 30-45 minutes from all the city has to offer.
Yeah, I forgot Raleigh Durham. For some reason everyone does, but it should have been on my list. Certainly not close to Boston and SF, but as much as some of the other cities I mentioned.
I keep trying to get my company to move to Kansas, but have thus far been unsuccessful!
One other special thing about NY, I believe it’s true in SF proper but I’m only familiar with it in detail in NY, is rent stabilization. If you can get yourself into rent stabilized apt in NY, which obviously isn’t easy just showing up in town, but there are over a 1 million such units and a few 100k of other types of subsidized places, then you really have to come to hate NY to ever leave. That explains a lot of the people who ‘live their lives’ in NY apts, the ones who aren’t just loaded.
One amusing data point is that the people in Dallas are doing exactly what confuses the OP. In the hip areas of Dallas proper, studios and one bedroom apartments go for $1500 or more a month, and they can’t build them fast enough–they are popping up like weeds. All those people could rent a house in Lancaster and commute to work, but they don’t want to: they like living in a vibrant community, they like their restaurants and bars and friends all close by.
Those same people will, when they settle down, buy $500k homes in East Dallas when they could get twice the house for half the money 20 miles out–partially because the commute sucks, but also because this is home, while the suburbs feel weird. On the other hand, I live in a first ring suburb, and half the parents at the local pre-school grew up in that same suburb, and they would neither move further in or further out. Don’t overestimate the value of something feeling like home. My parents have moved like 15 times since I was born. They’ve bought and sold 12 or so houses. And you know what? They keep moving into houses and neighborhoods and communities that look the same–even now, when they really could downsize without missing the space. Home is a powerful force.
For people who have lived in one of those locations their whole life, it may seem as if anywhere else is “the boondocks”. They’ll cringe in horror at their cousin who took up stakes and moved beyond the suburbs, to an actual little village which will hopefully not be turned into condos within at least a couple of generations.
For people who were born in another place and who moved there for college or the start of their careers, moving out may mean at least in part the end of a dream. If they do find a career opportunity somewhere with better conditions they may take it, but depending on what their jobs are this can be difficult. Also, a favorite place with better conditions is “back home”; when each member of a couple is from a different place (or when they’re from the same place but one of them couldn’t wait to get out), moving back home can involve some serious negotiating within the couple itself.
If that expensive place has good colleges and your children are reaching college age, it may actually be (or seem) less expensive to stay put than to move. For many college students, the cost of living wherever college is, is many multiples that of college itself. Same for certain types of special needs, for which you may be able to obtain much better services in a very big and very expensive metro area than in a small place.
I work in the video game industry, and there are a lot of companies which are in expensive areas. Luckily I got my start in a relatively cheap area- Austin, TX. As a result, I was able to get my career started without having to spend a ton of my income on housing. Many people I’ve worked with haven’t been so lucky- quite a few got their start in LA or the Bay Area. Ya gotta go where the work is.
I’ve been offered jobs in San Francisco, and I’ve flat-out told them, “You can’t afford to pay me enough to be able to live there.”
I recently got an offer for a job in London. The recruiter said the offer was the largest she’s ever seen from a London studio, but it was actually less than what I’m currently making and in a *much *more expensive area.
When it was looking like I’d be transferred to Dallas we did a bunch of house hunting. We wanted a nice condo in the hip part of town between Turtle Creek & City Place along the streetcar line; I can’t think of the neighborhood name just now. Found many examples of $500K 1100SF 2/2s that were ordinary apartment quality throughout. Something with real cachet or in a taller building cost $750K on the low floors.
So we transferred to Miami instead where I paid less for more and get to live at the beach with no ice storms in Feb. Win win.
The trendy hot parts of Dallas (or Fort Worth, but not quite as much) are *not *cheap. They’re not like Manhattan or San Francisco proper. But they’re trending that that way at a decent pace.