I want to start by saying that I know not everyone who attends these local fairs and carnivals are the way I’m about to describe. After all, I wouldn’t know had I not been there myself yesterday with little_tiger. So everything that follows does not apply to everyone that attends these things. That said:
DAMN!
To paraphrase Obi-Wan Kenobi, I have never seen a more wretched hive of dorks and hillbillies. The number of people there was greater than the total number of teeth in their heads! I looked on at the little 5-year old children, missing their two front teeth, which is cute at that age, and thought that in another 25 years, they would have exactly the same smile only with fewer teeth! There were so many women with so much fat flooding from their too-tight clothes that I thought either nobody owned a mirror or the local Goodwill had a clearance on tube tops and spandex.
I swear, at one point I heard someone yell, “Hey, Rufus, stop necking on your cousin! Your sister’s feeling lonely over here!”
Now what goes best with drunken rednecks? Why rides that do nothing but spin them in circles at high speeds and flip them upside down of course! I won’t describe the one scene I was unfortunate enough to witness, but let’s say that I know the man had eaten barbecued chicken, baked beans, cole slaw, and cornbread for lunch about an hour ealier.
Anyway, we either need to start having some sort of special Fair and Carnival Police to turn away Goober and Gomer when they don’t behave and to enforce some sort of dress code. (One guy, not wearing a shirt of course, had his chest hair shaved in a “V” - WTF??!! This other lady was wearing clothes way too small, was by far the worst offender. She was so big, she didn’t have stretch marks, she had valleys! I woke up in a cold sweat and screaming last night.)
Bwaah-ha-ha-ha! I read an article this morning about those “Billy-bob” fake teeth that are floating aroung, and was wondering where they got the idea. Now I know… County Fairs!
However, since we are in here (this forum), I don’t even go to those stupid things anymore. My biggest complaint is how much they charge for total crap. Most of the rides suck, but even if a particular ride intrigues, it’ll cost you 3 or 4 bucks for a 2 minute ride, and they hide this price behind the ticket concept. They figure you won’t realize that you spent 4 dollars if what you’re really paying with is 8 stupid little tickets that cost $.50 each.
Good Lord! Thanks for noticing. A few years back, my wife, who had never been to a state fair, insisted that she wanted to go and see one. That one was pretty much enough for her.
I’d say the only thing more frightening than the freaky folks on the whirlygig/flip’em over/spin-them-around-like-the-washing-machine-they’ve-obviously-never-used rides, are the people who OPERATE the aforementioned rides. Yikes…now there’s a handsome bunch!
I have to agree with you Boo Boo, er Bratman. Our local fair is on now. The patrons fall into several categories.
The harried parents trying to keep up with their children as they run down the midway. You have the normal suburban types in their Tommy clothes as well as the more shall we say rural rustic types.
The teenagers looking to get laid. They always go on the scariest rides when their intended target is present. They are also the biggest users of the rip off booths which give out big prizes.
The farmers showing livestock. You can pick them out a mile away. They wear Wrangler jeans with cowboy boots and plaid workshirts. This uniform also appears on the women.
The low life scum. They always wear sunglasses even at night. You are afraid you will catch something just by looking at them. You sometimes have a hard time telling them apart from the more direputable carnies.
The gray haired grannies who look for the bingo hall and sit there for hours. If their is no bingo hall they are usually found in the room where they exhibit the prize winning breads , veggies and flours. They will look at the handcrafts knowing that they could do better themselves.
The pre teens want to ride EVERYTHING. They get the braceletsa and wait in line all day. Think South Park.
The local anabaptists, in this case Hutterites. They wander around the midway, but they never go on any of the rides because they know they will go to H**L if they go on the rides.
The gawkers who go to look at the masses of humanity. They never go on rides and don’t spend money. The crowds provide all the entertainment they need.
The local politicians who go to be seen. Something about them always looks out of place. It may be the fact that they are the only ones wearing dress shoes at the fair.
There are other types but they aren’t as common or wide spread.
Erckle, but what a bunch of…oh, this isn’t the Pit.
Erckle, but what a bunch of culturalistic snobs!!!
You want high manners and good culture? Go to the opera or a play or a symphony. I go, I love them. I know and appreciate the difference between symphony and a concerto and a cantata. I believe that Beethoven’s Ninth is the single most important piece of music ever written. I think that high school football teams should have to put on fund raisers to support pep band. I think that everyone, while they don’t have to LIKE him, should be taught in grade school why Picasso was such an important artist.
But I also enjoy spending time eating greasy fried food and hanging out with people who say “ain’t got no”. I love the look on the face of a twelve year old when the judge in the dairy ring pins the purple ribbon on the sow that that little girl has worked for and cared for for a full year. I love drinking shit beer while watching a bunch of guys rev their cars up to full speed and smash into each other ON PURPOSE.
I’ve never lived in a trailer. I thoroughly enjoyed the Weird Earl’s trailer house site. But ya know, just because someone can’t afford a stick-built house doesn’t mean s/he’s a lesser human being. Yeah, they may not always be the brightest bulb in the marquee, but if your trailer burned to the ground they’d give you the shirt off their back, if they had a spare. Can you say that about your neigbors?
BTW, you wanna know why those farmers wear Wranglers and plaid? You can pick the jeans up at the local fleet store for $20 and the shirts for $10. And they last forever, which is useful when you’re spending more to raise your livestock than you are selling them.
I was gonna rant too, but sandyr beat me to it.
What will a bunch of pitiful snobs not say to boost their own shaky self images.
Peace,
mangeorge (Takin’ a deep breath.)
Let’s just say not all pasttimes appeal to all people, 'mkay?
That said, sandy and mange are right. The word you may be grouping for is “poor”, and possibly “rural”. For people who farm, whose livelihood depends on agriculture (the little guys, who aren’t corporate agribusiness), the fairs can be a chance to show stock, crafts, baking, etc.
Yeah, the amusements are tacky; they’re portable. They never pretend to be in league w/ Disney, X Flags, etc.
'Scuse me whiles I kick the cow flop offen ma boots, but there’s enough room in the world for lowtech (and class, face it) as well as haute-and-trendy everything else.
I love state fairs! The rides suck, but it’s comfy fun to pat the bunnies, look at the quilts, talk to the ladies who canned that scrumptious looking chow-chow.
I don’t know where you are looking. You don’t evidently get off the midway.
I personally know that most county fairs have a whole bunch of hard working FFA and 4H kids that are trying to show the adults that they are responsible and prove this by all of the time patience and dedication they give to their animals and projects.
Not to mention (literally)the blood sweat and tears,shed in the past year.
Not many will win that ribbon.
A lesson in life.
And most will come back and do it next year.
Blue jeans Plaid shirts and boots, the uniform of the day.
Hey pal It’s you that don’t fit in.
But I’ll bet none of the kids have complained about you.
Walk through the cattle barns,the swine building,the sheep barn. Look at the poultry and the rabbits.
But watch where you step. You might get your Tony Llamas soiled.
Two hours later and I haven’t calmed down yet, but I MEANT to say:
“when the judge in the dairy ring pins the purple ribbon on the heifer”.
or:
“when the judge in the swine ring pins the purple ribbon on the sow”.
You <generally speaking, not aimed at anyone in particular> have no IDEA how hard those little kids work to make their animals look good. And, obviously, you’ve <see <this> above> never seen that little old lady beam when the judge tells her that her rhubarb dessert is just as good as her grandkids have been telling her all these years.
No, it’s not the National Spelling Bee or the General Electric whatever-the-heck-it’s-called. It’s people doing what they do best, be it knitting, dairying, model-rocketing, or demolition-derbying, and the people who love and care for them show up to support them.
And as for those less-than-stellar carnies, let’s see…perhaps you’d rather pay their welfare checks? or be your portfolio manager? Someone has to do the shit jobs.
Damn, but this is burning my ass. I’m really sorry if I’m beating a dead horse here, but the OP really pisses me off.
You know some of those guys that are wondering around the midway are probably farmers who do not really much care what they look like. Some of them own their farms. Those farms, at least here in SE Iowa are currently selling for $600 to $2400+ per acre.Lets see 300 acres at $2400 per acre is…Yes Sir makes you think doesn’t it.
And the carnies,I’ve been told that those big teddy bears cost them $2.00 each. Now whose gene pool needs cleansing.
I have no problems with state fairs and quite frankly have eaten my way through a fair number of them (Speidies, cheese steaks, fried dough, all with extra grease please). My reply to the OP had nothing to do with the hard working kids and farmers who wait all year to attend. Tradition calls for checking out “Big Pig” and the butter sculpture and my kids love all the animals. The fact remains that IMHO, these fairs attract a wide range of people, including, again IMHO, a fair amount of creeps and sleazeballs. Why? I don’t know just my observation. But as a result, you can be damned sure I’m not letting my kids run around loose in this environment. If you want to be pissed off about that, then so-be-it. Parental responsibilities come first.
To help put things in perspective, the majority of my family lives in rural Kentucky, a town called Cayce. They drive to Union City, TN to go shopping, this is how small Cayce is. I am not making fun of all rural area inhabitants.
sandyr and justwannano what the hell are you talking about kids and animals for? Nobody mentioned kids and animals. In fact there were no kids and animals competing for prizes. This is in Madison, Il, about 10 minutes away from downtown St Louis. Metallica was just performing in Madison last Monday along with Korn and some other group I can’t remember. This is not a farming community, where people sweat and bleed for their crops to make a living, this is very urban setting.
I was talking only about the handful of drunken idiots I saw out there, not everyone who attends fairs (I was there, after all wasn’t I? It wasn’t my first local fair and it won’t be my last. I like the cheesy rides and overpriced junk food.)
The OP was meant tongue-in-cheek. I’m quite sure there were more teeth than people. Along with the others who have posted here, I hereby apologize to the toothless out there.
Any else who is still offended, email your address so I can send you information on how to take a joke.
Reading the title, I didn’t expect this to be limited to rural county and state fairs.
In the (sub)urban area where I live, my experience has been that certain people are more apparent at local fairs and parades than in daily life. For example, I see more tatoos and leather at a community fair than I do in the grocery store during the rest of the year. And I don’t believe those characteristics necessarily signify agriculture or poverty.
My guess is that people whose tastes run towars leather halter tops and chaps might enjoy trying to flaunt their appearance, hopefully shocking the more conservative folk. (Or perhaps they really need to rev their Harleys over and over right next to the parade route.)
Also, when we frequently travel in rural Michigan, it certainly seems that people have more tatoos and worse dentition than in the Chicago area. It is unfortunate that basic dental care is an unaffordable luxury for so many. Of course, the majority of folk we talk to there manage to afford cable …
God I feel so bad. I didn’t think that I was saying anything that would offend anyone. If you look closely at what I said about farmers et al. I didn’t say anything defamatory about them I just pointed out that you could tell them a long distance away. Yes I know they wear the clothes they wear because they are work clothes. I did not mean to say or imply that they aren’t a vital or important part of the fair. Yes, I only referred to the midway in my post. I have been to the show rings. I have watched cattle being judged. I have seen how hard the people work preparing their animals for show. I think that it’s ironic that our local fair is sponsored by an Agricultural society, but the agricultural aspects of the fair are hidden away in a back corner of the fairgrounds. If I offended anyone I would like to apologize sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t realize that it would look like the work of a total :wally
Best state fair I have ever been to: The Punkin Chunkin Contest. It is something that MUST be experienced. It’s held every year in Lewes, Delaware over the first weekend in November. It’s got the standard Midway attractions, rides, overpriced games, craft tents, antique car shows, greasy fried foods, etcetera, but the central attraction is the Contest itself. It is a sight to behold. The idea is to build a machine that will launch a frozen, 8-pound pumpkin over the greatest distance. There a several divisions, from the Childrens division to the Human Powered Division, to the Unlimited Division. The real treat is the Unlimited division, where the longest throws tend to come from the giant converted battleship guns (I kid you not) that use pressurized water and launch the pumpkins OVER HALF A MILE. I think the current record stands at over 4000 feet. The particpants are people with WAY TOO MUCH time and money on their hands, but the result is pure entertainment for the spectators.
The other I particularly liked was the Cecil County fair in Northeast Maryland. The main attraction there was an antique tractor pull. Pretty cool stuff.
:eek: :wally