Back at the grocery store, Friday and Saturday nights were usually dead. So we used to goof off all the time.
-Getting those little toys out of the kiddy machines-you know, like those balls you throw at the wall and they stick? We’d get those, and throw them around when there weren’t any customers.
-There was the time a TURKEY flew into our window. That’s right, a wild turkey hit the front window, and the glass pane just shattered. Unfortunatley, I wasn’t there to see it happen.
-The time the power went out and we sat on the window ledge eating and making faces at the customers who drove up and tried to get in.
-Taking the little stickers you put on various meat and deli products, and putting them on our vests. (Like, “Hot and Spicey”, “Sweet”, etc. One of my co-workers dared me to put on, “Try Me-$1.49!” But my manager made me take it off. Another good one: “Great On the Grill”).
-A co-worker and I were both huge Beatles fans, and we used to serenade the customers with Beatles songs.
-Begging for slices of American cheese from the deli employees.
Good times, man.
I just remembered a few more.
I used a whole tube of caulk on my best friends locker, his lock was the size of a softball.
Varoius condiments get put in the keyholes of everyones locker.
Switched the labels on some canned goods.
Dollar Tree beef stew became Dollar Tree brand Dog Food, Chunky with liver. (Honestly I think the cans are from the same place anyways, At least they smell the same.)
Oh, I love superglue. Its almost a fetish.
Pennies to the counter, peoples lunch to the table, markets to the wall.
I have superglued just about everything to just about everything possible.
Vaseline, ketchup, pepto bismol, mayonaise in a pump soap despenser works great too.
My best friend will take a crap, wipe his ass and toss all the used TP into the trash. It looks like somone took a massive shit and didnt wipe.
Speaking of the bathroom, Turning the lights out on fellow employees whilst pooping is good for some laughs too.(its why I always have a flashlight.)
Ahh good times.
I worked my way through college at a QuikTrip Convenience Store. I remember one shift where a rather inebriated young thing came into my store and wanted to buy a six pack of beer. The total came to (let’s just say… ) $3.37. Well, she had $3.35, plus she had a $20.00. She asked me to let her slide on the .02. Being the super good QT employee I was, I said I couldn’t allow that. She got pissed, and paid with the $20, and received a shit load of change. On the way out of the store, she dropped her six pack (bottles) and half of them busted on the floor. She blamed me! Then she marched back to the cooler to get another 6-pack that I ‘owed’ her. I ran over and held the door shut, and said that wasn’t my problem. Well she walked over, picked up what was left of her broken 6-pack, then proceded to run her arm down one of the shelfs of the drug aisle like a human bulldozer, knocking hundreds of tiny bottles of asprin, tums, etc. onto the floor, while saying “Take that, you mother fucker!”
~sigh~ I shoulda let her slide on the .02… don’t you think?
E2
I remember this one time when me and my pal were scaling the side of Leo Leonardio’s building, then this potted plant dropped onto the side of the building, and we realized we were scaling part of the roof.
Enright’s story has sparked a few good memories.
We used to lock our store at 11:00, not the best 'hood. A lady came up at about midnight wanting to use the restroom inside. We told her we weren’t allowed to open the doors. She begged for about 5 minutes, then got back in her car. And proceeded to run right through the store! Her car got stuck, and our alarm went off. The police sub-station was only 2 blocks from our place, so she was busted before she could even get to the bathroom.
Once a very drunk lady got out of her car to come in for cigarettes. She forgot to put her car in park, and the thing rolled right into the car wash.
I was working at Hardee’s when a customer, a young lady probably 17-18 years old, came up to the counter with a lit cigarette. Of course it was against policy for her to be smoking there so I told her she had to give it to me. She protested, I insisted, and when she handed me the remaining half of her cigarette, I stuck it in my mouth, took a drag, and asked for her order.
Heh, I do have an extensive collection of nametags and hair nets*, so let me see what stories I can recall.
When I worked at Wendy’s, I was a closer and the assistant manager would steal money from the drawer, give it to one of the gals who worked there, and send her to the liquor store to buy booze. We’d then close the store, get hammered and eat everything we could.
When I worked at Circle K, me and one of the other employees (who’d stop by on his way home), would go up on the roof late at night and smoke dope.
Took old florescent light tubes outside and used 'em like javelins. Took two liters out and spiked 'em just to see what would happen.
I just finished reading over that link Blackeyes. Best read I’ve had in a while, very amusing.
Some customers insist on telling me to smile, Now I am a happy person in the inside, just not outward manifestations of my inner joy shows. So I tell the customer who insists, “I am sorry, I cannot smile.” They ask why, I answer deadpan, in my best monotone, “Because working here sucks the life/soul/joy right out of you.” The look of shock horror and disbelife is quite enough to make me giggle. Then they laugh. Then I go back to not smiling.
Well, I am off now, to get my soul sucked out by the mindless corporate entity known as Dollar Tree.
If you think any of what I do is mean(like anybody cares) check out this thread: Wouldn’t it be nice?
I used to work at a grocery store as a bagger. As demeaning and repetitive as the job was, I did actually enjoy it (particularly since we’d get pay and a half if we worked on Sunday! Wohoo! 
) During closing time there’d be nobody around and so I’d goof off. Some things I’d do-
-I quickly discovered that the pallet-mover (non-motorized version) made a very fine scooter. A wide wheelbase combined with very sharp turing radius meant you could make incredibly sharp turns with this thing without fear of tipping over. I used to ride it around up and down the aisles, and when I’d get to the end I’d throw a sharp left and just whip around to the other aisle. Do that until I get caught/yelled at 
-Joyriding in the motorized scooters that non-mobile customers use. I’d often get my chance after helping load groceries for an elderly/handicapped patron. After they were all set, I’d have to take the scooter back. Which usually meant a six minute derby through the parking lot, dodging traffic and zigzagging past pedestrians.
-The bakery frequently would have bogus calls, with people ordering cakes/pastries and never coming to claim them. Often times, they’d just give it to the staff (same goes for some catering orders). I swear I never walked home hungry after work at that job
-Having an angry customer come up to me with a fresh Tiramisu, and demand, “Here, take a bite of this- doesn’t it taste funny?” And me taking a bite, then saying, “Hold on…” then taking another, and another, until the whole thing was gone, and reassuring the customer, “You’re right, there was something up with that tiramisu. It was DELICIOUS!”
When I was a teenager, I worked for a popular fast food chain that will remain nameless…and only making 4.75 an hour, my co-workers and I had to compensate ourselves in other ways, including entertainment.
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Insisting over the drive-through speaker that you can’t understand what the customer is saying. Example:
"Welcome to -------. Can I take your order?" "One large coke, two large fries." "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" Exasperated sigh. "ONE large coke, TWO large fries." "Sorry, still can't hear you, can you repeat?" "ONE LARGE COKE AND TWO LARGE FRIES, DAMMIT!" "Okay, that was two large cokes and one large fry, anything else?" -
Eating on the job. Forbidden, but we would find subtle ways of stuffing our faces nearly all day.
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Spitting in milkshakes. Happened at least twice a day to rude or impatient customers.
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Stepping on people’s food. Anyone who was even the slightest bit rude over the drive-through intercom usually had their burger dissassembled, the meat patty laid on the floor, and a nice dirty footprint or two stomped into it before reassembling the sandwich and handing it to the driver with much cheer.
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Serving food out of the trash. Our dining room closed at midnight, but the drive-through was open til 1am. Usually, when it was 10 minutes til 1, we’d jump the gun and start pitching all the food in order to get out of there quicker. But sometimes a customer would roll up at 3 minutes to closing and ask for 10 burgers and 10 large fries. Well…we certainly weren’t going to cook fresh stuff so close to quitting time, so we’d dig the food out of the trash, microwave the burgers and give the fries a quick warm-up in the oil, and pleasantly serve the customer. (This practice was MANAGER-APPROVED!)
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Generally being rude and obnoxious to people. As far as customer relations go, it is nearly impossible to lose your job at a fast-food restaurant unless you yell or curse at a patron. So you had a lot of room to be an ass.
It happened at the fast food place in which I worked, too. Some kid dropped a pallet of frozen burgers onto the floor. They threw them out in the dumpster out back. Later that evening, they started running low on hamburger patties, and sent one of the workers to dig them out.
I think anyone who’s ever worked in fas food has a similar tale of horror. It’s why I don’t eat fast food.
Oh, there was the time this guy came through my coworker’s line and dropped a baggy of white powder on the counter. “You didn’t see that,” he said. He wanted to know if we did Western Union, but we didn’t.
A couple of hours later he came back, higher than a f**king kite, his face all bruised, asking us if we had seen a bottle of Peptobismol or something like that.