Post your memorable encounter with a brain-dead clerk.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I popped into the chippie before work and asked for Large chips, Sausage, and a carton of gravy (all conveyed quite clearly), and two cans of coke.

The serving guy got the chips and the sausage ok, then went over to the curry sauce pot and proceeded to pour curry sauce on, I tried my best to get his attention before any curry went onto the chips but it was too late.

When He came back I told him (politely) ‘I said gravy, and in a carton, not poured on top’. So he went away with an empty carton and came back with a carton full of… Curry sauce.

With a smirk on my face (I was finding this amusing rather than annoying) I stared at the carton. He caught this hint - “ah, gravy?”

When he finally placed my meal on the counter… “And two cans of coke please” (still with complete level-headed politeness, as if this was all normal)

I am thinking to myself that I am posting too many ‘Post your…’ type threads lately and don’t really want to post another one, but I kind of think it will be amusing to hear other people’s encounters and I’ve typed it all now so what the heck.

Me: order :slight_smile: Him: ok :slight_smile: Me::eek: no curry, not on chips! Him: :smack: in carton, me see carton :dubious: Him::confused: :smack: bring back gravy, Me: :smiley: :rolleyes: :slight_smile: coke?

me ride bike away :cool:

2

Lobsang’s thread… Buried alive.

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

3

Hmm…

When I moved from Georgia to Washington State, we drove the entire way. We stopped at the very first gas station we came across in Washington, and I went inside to pay for gas.

Me: Hello!

Girl at the counter: ~blank stare~

Me: $10 on pump 7 please.

Girl: ~rings up money, hands me change~

Me: Thank you very much, have a nice day!

Girl: ~blankly stares at me as I walk out the door~

Me: ~puzzled~ Maybe it was my accent?

After having lived in WA for a while, I figured out the real problem. I was polite and friendly.

~J

4

Yesterday, at the movie theater. My sister was in town for the long weekend, and with the lousy weather in DFW we decided (along with a million other people) to catch a flick.

At the counter:

Me: Two large Diet Cokes.

Pimply-faced-clerk: OK, right, two Mr Pibbs.

Me: No, two Diet Cokes.

PFC: Oh, right.

Clerk returns and places two drinks on the counter.

PFC: OK, two large Mr Pibbs, that’s $7.

Me: No, we wanted two Diet Cokes.

PFC: Oh, right…ummmmm (shifty-eyed criminal look begins)…two large Diet Cokes…that’s $7.

Me: What’s in these cups?

PFC: Uhhhhh, Diet coke?

Me: Wrong…please get us two Diet Cokes.

PFC: Gives me the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL eye and gets us our drinks.

:rolleyes:

Two things: I could watch him make the drinks (should have thought of this the first time, but didn’t), so I know he didn’t spit in them.

Secondly, for those unacquainted with Mr Pibb it’s a knockoff of Dr Pepper, which is…well, it’s just Dr Pepper. Soda, but with something else…some people love it, others hate it. YMMV.

5

I ran into this in California (being Southern, where talking to the clerk isn’t just a hobby, it’s a way of life!) where I’d be chattering away and getting blank stares. I knew I was back home in the South when the clerk and I carried on a five minute conversation while I was checking out.

6

I work at Wal-Mart. I think today I was the brain-dead clerk. :frowning:

My second customer of the day (before I got into the swing of things) was Asian, and English wasn’t his first language. And through no fault of his and no intentional fault of mine, I couldn’t understand his accent. He had intended to purchase a can of air freshener that wouldn’t scan because it hadn’t been entered into the system, and I had to call the department so they could bring me the price or an alternate one to scan, or something. The customer helpfully suggested that he could go choose another one - he seemed to feel bad that the line was waiting for him. I didn’t understand him and had to say “What was that?” and then I didn’t understand him again, and I had to say “Pardon?” Then I guessed that he meant he just wanted to pay for it without the air freshener and he repeated himself again and finally I understood. Oops. I felt like such an idiot!

Anyway, I hope he doesn’t think I’m too dumb… I’ve always had trouble understanding thick foreign accents. It’s just not a knack of mine! :frowning:

7

No exceptionally cerebrally lackin clerks lately, but one scene is repeated at least once a week in my experience.

Me: I’ll have the arterial plaqueburger with a side of lard.

Clerk: $5.04 at the window.

::I hand the clerk a $5 and a quarter::

Me: Keep the change.

::clerk hands me two dimes and a penny::

::I get my internalized frustration smile::

Take my money, dammit!

8

A number of years ago I stopped at a Kinko’s copy center to run off some copies of a test I was going to give to my class. I was in there for maybe five minutes, using one of the self service copiers they have; I didn’t speak a single word to anyone while I was there, just walked in, took care of my business, and left. On my way out, one of the employees followed me out to the sidewalk:

Clerk: Sir, don’t you want your color copies?

Me (confused): Uh, does the copier I was using make color copies?

C: I’m talking about the color copies you ordered.

M: I didn’t order any color copies.

C (starts getting serious now): Yes you did, sir; I talked to you myself about the color copies, and you’re going to have to pay for them.

M: What? I was in there for 5 minutes and didn’t speak a word to anyone the whole time.

I go back and forth with him for a while…“Yes you did”…“No, I didn’t”. I didn’t really want to be rude, just leave, and let him think I was trying to get away with theft; I was just genuinely puzzled what this was all about. After about three minutes of this back and forth, he basically just gave up and said, “I’m sorry, I guess you didn’t order anything”, but he didn’t sound too convincing, more like he was just giving up.

I never did figure that one out.

9

The old standby…

Moving day. My brother-in-law and I go to Taco Hell to pick up a bunch of food for a bunch of people.

“We’d like 17 tacos, 4 bean burritos, 3 taco salads, a burrito supreme, 3 taco supremes, and 6 cups each of pintos and cheese and rice.”

“Is that for here or to go?”

(Thought: “Yeah, it’s for here. Between the two of us we’re gonna eat enough food to choke a hippo.”)

Reality: “Uh…to go.”

D’oh!

10

The last time I went to Del Taco (and I’m afraid I do mean the last time), I ordered one of their lovely veggie burritos. Now, I’ve seen their website. I’ve read the ingredients. I drove all the way to Del Taco, past three other Mexican fast-food establishments specifically so that I could get a giant all-veggie burrito while the rest of the family could fulfill their desire for meat. Unfortunately, when I got it home and unrolled it to put hot sauce in it, I noticed there was something besides the veggies in it…why, yes, it was ground beef.

Rather than sulk and resolve never to go to Del Taco again, I hopped back into the car with my meat-adulterated burrito and went back. I went in, told the manager what had happened, showed him the burrito, and he agreed with me that it did indeed contain meat. He apologized very nicely and offered to either refund my money or make another burrito. I thanked him and asked for the food. I watched as he promptly made the burrito, and I was back on the road in no time. I got it home, put my hot sauce on it, and ate it happily down to the last three inches, when I bit into a huge fatty chunk of meat.

Now, I was very polite to him, he was very polite to me, and we both seemed happy with the outcome of the situation. I don’t think he really meant to put meat in there. I understand that people make mistakes and that no one’s perfect. But what kind of fast-food manager is incapable of keeping meat out of a vegetarian burrito the second time?

11

Two ex-wife stories…

She’s allergic to pepper and was a vegetarian. We go into a restaurant that had very little vegitarian choices. She orders a chicken pasta dish without chicken. She takes a bite and asks the waiter if there’s pepper in it. He replies no. She takes a few more bites and tells me she thinks there’s pepper in it. I take a bite and the pepper is quite strong.

We find a passing manager who takes the food away and then returns with a cheese pizza. When the waiter sees that the food was changed he asks what happened. When we inform him that the food had pepper, he replied, “Well, I really didn’t know.”

Number 2.

She orders a sub with no onions from a food court sandwhich place. There’s onions. She takes it back, gets another one. Onions. She takes it back, gets another one. Eats half of it, bites into the second half… the second half had onions.

12

Several encounters for your amusement:

Going with 2 friends to concert, stop of at Mickey D’s for dinner. Order: 3 big Macs, 3 large fries, 3 diet sodas to go.
Clerk looks at register, goes to back of counter, gets 1 hamburger, walks to counter puts in bag. Looks at register again, goes to back of counter gets 1 more hamburger,walks to counter, puts in bag. Looks at register, walks to back of counter… well you get the idea. He did this with each individual item in the order–9 trips total!!

At Burger King, order placed for 1 burger, 2 chicken sandwiches. Conversation follows:

“One burger, 2 chicken sandwiches please”
“Will that be all?”
“Yes”
“O.K. 1 burger and 5 chicken sandwiches”
“No–only 2 chicken sandwiches”
“Right-- 1 burger and 5 chicken sandwiches”
“No–we only want 2 chicken sandwiches, not 5 only 2”
“Sorry-- 1 burger and 2 chicken sandwiches-- go to the first window please”

Anybody wanna guess how many chicken sandwiches were in the bag when we got the order???

Multiple episodes: Order large black coffee from various coffee places–am repeatedly asked if I want cream and sugar.

13

I’ve never worked a cash register, so maybe somebody can explain this to me, because it happens all the time. I don’t usually pay in exact change, but often I’ll pay so as not to get any pennies, nickels, or $1 bills. So if the total is $7.87, I might pay $13.12, which results in $5.25 in change.

There’s a single button they can press on the register that just opens the cash drawer, and I assume it leaves it up to them make their own change. I don’t actually know what it does, but I know they push it a lot. I guess they’re used to people giving them a $10 bill. They don’t seem to notice that I’ve given them a bill and six coins until they press this DIY button, and suddenly realize that they can’t do math in their heads.

I don’t have any problem with people not being able to do math in their heads. I probably couldn’t make change on $13.12 consistently either. But I figure that’s what the number pad on the register is for.

The worst one though, I have to admit, was pretty bad. The check was $5.55 and I gave her $6.05. Literally, 30 seconds of contemplation and two wrong guesses before I told her the answer. Must have had a lot on her mind. :slight_smile:

14

I once left a convenience store without buying anything, but carrying a bag from another store. I got about 10 meters away from the door, and suddenly got rudely pulled aside by the security guard of the store. It might be important to know that I was wearing my work attire: a rather expensive dark grey pin stripe suit, shirt and tie.

Security guard: “Come with me, sir. We saw what happened.”

Me: “Come with you? Why would I?”

SG: “We saw you put the items in your bag, sir. Now come with me, and we’ll arrange things inside.”

(NOTE: over here, a security guard has no right whatsoever to aprehend me in the middle of the street, but he CAN keep me in his store if he catches me inside. He’s obviously trying to sweet-talk me into walking back into the store, but I know better.)

Me: “No. I didn’t steal anything. Do I look like a fucking shoplifter to you?”

SG: “We caught you on tape, sir. You were putting lady’s nylons in your bag.”

Me: “Lady’s nylons? Riiiiight. Look, I’m going now. Have a nice day. Hope you find the right guy, but it wasn’t me. Bye.”

SG: “Can I at least see the contents of your bag, sir?”

Me: “No, you can’t.”

SG: “I’ll send the cops after you!”

Me: “You do that, buddy.”
Never saw any cops, of course.
I realise the guy was just doing his job, and probably just mistook me for someone else. But I wasn’t going to be treated like a criminal just because some security guard didn’t watch his monitors closely enough.

15

So, how did those nylons fit, anyway? :smiley:

16

Coupla years ago at Toys ‘R’ Us:

Clerk: Hi, is there anything I can help you find?
JerH: Yeah - could you tell me where the Silly Putty is?
Clerk: Um…what’s Silly Putty?
JerH: Well, it’s a pink putty, it comes in an egg…<realizes in mid-sentence that even if I can get the concept across to her, there’s no way she’s going to know where it is>…y’know, never mind. I’ll find it myself.

17

Not clerks but waiters, but my family still laughs about these two:

My mom asked the young perky waitress how the fish was prepared and she replied “Oh, fabulously!”

Exchange between my dad and a maitre d’:

MD’: How many?
DAD: Five.
MD’: Five people?
DAD: No, two people, two dogs, and a duck. Seat the duck at the head of the table, please.

Dad’s a bit of a smartass. :slight_smile: The five of us thought it was hilarious, but the maitre d’ was unamused.

18

My favourite brain-dead clerk was… my dear friend!

Back in second year of university, my friend took on a part-time job as a cashier at Sears. She had a full course load, so she was understandably a little “fatigued” at work.

I had to get some stuff (don’t remember what), and as it happened, she was working that day. So I went to her till.

She looked at me and said: “Did you find everything you needed today?”
Me: “Er, yeah.”
Friend: “Will that be cash or on your Sears card today?”
Me: “Card.”

She rang through my purchase, swiped the card, checked the signature, handed my my card and shopping bag. Then she did as trained and (after reading my name off the credit card): “Thank you for shopping at Sears, Ms. Crayons. Have a good day.”

Me: “Er, thanks. Bye!”

At no point did my good friend ever realize that I was ME. Not even after reading my name from my card. She doesn’t remember me being in the store at all.

Really, she’s not normally clueless.

19

Another waiter one, in Gillette, Wyoming:

Me (looking at the menu in a pretentious restaurant in the fanciest hotel in town, which lists a “Soup de Jour”): “What’s the soup de jour?”

Very young waitress (who had obviously learned what the words meant only the day before), visibly brightening: “Oh! That’s the ‘soup of the day’!”

:smiley:

20

Jodi, Lobsang, and DeaconBlues, your stories are funny, but I may have an explanation to take the edge off the stupidity of your clerks.

You see, often customers don’t realize that they are speaking softly, enunciating poorly, facing away from the clerk when speaking, or standing in an environment (such as many fast food counters) with extremely poor acoustics. After eight hours of clanging pans, beeping machinery, and especially if you have been wearing a drive-through headset, it’s often nearly impossible to deduce what these customers are saying. When asked to repeat themselves, they will do so in exactly the same low tone, or slurred phrasing, or still facing away.

For example, Lobsang, although I don’t know the audio circumstances of your story, I can easily imagine a situation where all the clerk is catching of your request is “c___r___y.” With the similarity between the hard c sound and the hard g sound, the medial r, and the terminal y, the difference between “curry” and “gravy” is not always as apparent as you might think. I’m not saying that this is what happened in your case, only that it’s a possibility.

Jodi, your maitre’d may have been repeating what he thought he heard back to you in order to receive a yes or no confirmation. Numbers are often mumbled or pronounced as mere blips in the sentence - hence, often, quantitative mix-ups such as DeaconBlues experienced.

Sorry to disrupt the flow! Some clerks are genuinely stupid and you may proceed to mock them. However, some customers think that they can speak any old way and still be heard and understood.