Clinging to Michelle

You know, I was going to let it go… but with five separate threads in MPSIMS and counting, it’s reached critical mass, as far as I’m concerned.

This is not a knock on Michelle. She seems nice enough. If her pic on the TM homepage is any indication, she is physically attractive. And that’s as complimenting as I get in the pit. Especially since she’s already gotten more compliments than Ricky Martin in a gay nightclub.

But Jeezus people, get a GRIP! We are serenading her (and very poorly I might add) now? Mundane and pointless is one thing, fucking embarrassing is another. I don’t think this message board has a drainage system adequate to handle all this drool.

Come on! Some people are considering making travel plans to meet this girl! Michelle is handling it well, for now. But I think it’s only a few more Florida plane ticket sales away from being downright creepy.

If you want pics of hot babes in “tight sweaters”, I can point you in the direction of some fine (much of it free) erotica.

If you want a long term relationship, try to find someone in your own area code.

If you want to offer your love to someone, don’t base it on a handful of UBB posts and a JPEG.

If you want an exciting sexual encounter, get MarkSerlin to pour Drakkar Noir on your crotch.

If you want to flatter a woman in a way that will ultimately either get boring or get you a restraining order, by all means stay the course.


Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

But, Al…we’re doing it “ironically.”

C’mon. I almost peed myself when manhattan started singing “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here.”


Dammit, if I’ve learned one thing in the pit, it’s that ranting and UBB code don’t mix.

Listen to the mating songs of the Lonely Internet Male:

See a thread I call “Prelude to a Court Order”

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

Uke, I know that you are being ironic. I can grok irony, man. Like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

As for manhattan’s song, “Lolly” could be a metaphor for any number of things. Although it’s not nearly as explicit as “Conjunction junction what’s your function?”

Many posters in MPSIMS are irony-deficient. And thus deserve to taste the red hot steel of Alphagene. Properly perfumed first.

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

I’m shy.

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

Okay, I posted in the threads, so blast me for playing both sides of the court if you want, but I was wondering some of the same things Alphagene was.

I actually think Michelle has gone above and beyond the norms of gracious behavior on this, especially with people threatening to show up in her home town. I have commented on her looks, and posted some lyrics in that serenading thread (but come on, it was BNL). I have not asked her for a date, haven’t offered up a resume (as though boyfriend is a position you can interview for), and most definitely will not be showing up in Tampa or wherever in Florida she is. Cheers to Michelle for being such a sport about this, but perhaps we should just let the joke die.

“Bodie, I noticed you stopped stuttering.”
“I’ve been giving myself shock treatments.”
“Up the voltage.”
-Real Genius

Hey sorry there, just saw an opportunity to have a little fun. I think it’s interesting that message boards seem to abide by typical social norms, but in an exaggerated and accelerated fashion. Michelle, if you’re embarrased, I humbly apologize. But you seem to be enjoying the attention, so it seems harmless. Or, at the very least, Mundane and Pointless. Q.E.D.

Actually Michelle, I think I’m just leeching off your newfound fame. Beware of people like me as your star is on the rise.

And I had so many other Michelle threads planned. Auditing Michelle, Forgetting Michelle, Affirming Michelle, Waiting for Michelle, etc. Dag.

If I had the balls, I’d start a “Doing Alphagene” thread. If anyone needed doing…

Properly perfumed, of course.

Felching Michelle?

How 'bout a thread like “Splicing Alphagene?” Except I think AG took his name from laboratory beakerware, ala Nalgene, not hereditary information carriers.

“Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I’m worried about the difference between wrong and fun.”
~P.J. O’Rourke~

It’s true, Unk. Al’s first username choice was “Pottery Barn,” but we talked him out of it.


Hello? Acme Plastic Products? Yes, I’d like to order a straw that will reach from Chicago to Tampa, Florida.

Jiminy Crickets! Did I just hit submit?


You sure it wasn’t Tupperware? In the Guy Stuff thread he was awfully good at burping.

::making an effort to ignore Stoli::

Hey, neat trick, Coldfire! You threw your voice and made it sound like Drain’s!

“Bodie, I noticed you stopped stuttering.”
“I’ve been giving myself shock treatments.”
“Up the voltage.”
-Real Genius

No felching, please. Thank you.

I crave an art that passionately transcends the mundane instead of being a device for self-deception.–Griffin, from The Griffin and Sabine trilogy.

Lighten up, Alpha!!! Was all done in good humour (speaking for myself, of course :)).
P.S.: Still waiting for the photos, though…

PP.S.: The doing/splicing Alphagene threads do hold promise.

Of course, this thread was the most meaningful to me. Being mentioned in the Pit shows that I have really made it to the Big Time! :slight_smile:

I crave an art that passionately transcends the mundane instead of being a device for self-deception.–Griffin, from The Griffin and Sabine trilogy.

This of course begs for a new Pit topic…