I always thought you were a gay dude.
No, actually I didn’t. But you should take it as a compliment. You’d make a great gay dude. Just butch it up a little.
Q,
When we say things to ourselves, it may not affect us as much as hearing it from someone else. I assure you, your buddy that wants the $200 isn’t as anguished about this as you are, and probably not as mad at anyone as you are at Featherlou.
Think about this, you are a nice person that people can take advantage of, it is doubtful that there is a companywide conspiracy. It is probably that you are just known as a nice person, and when you are in a jam it is easier to go to the nice person than the asshole. That being said, one of the burdens of nice people is to make sure they don’t end up getting walked on. You are getting walked on. They may not mean to, but that is how you feel about it and that is what you need to act upon. If this guy needs the money that bad, tell him what has happened in the past, tell him how it has affected your opinion of your coworkers and ask if it is ok if you end up feeling that way about him if he doesn’t pay you back.
There are some people who don’t give a shit who they hurt and view others as suckers. I don’t think the vast majority of the people are that way. Your coworkers didn’t set out to make you feel this way. Think about your relation to each one, ask yourself is the self-beating you are giving yourself is worth the $20 you loaned that person. If it is collect. If it isn’t, write it off in your own mind.
A wise man once told me, never lend money you can’t afford to not get back.
Another wise man said “the borrower is always a slave to the lender.”
Oh, and using past favors is blackmail. If he came up to you and said “hey, I have helped you in the past, now loan me $200” you probably would have told him to fuck off. YOU invoking it tells me that you feel indebted to him and would loan the money, not from altruism, but out of guilt relief.
Forgive me- I don’t read a lot anymore and I thought for some reason you were male. My apologies! :eek:
I loaned $300 to a coworker and watched her slowly twist from the guilt of not wanting to pay me back. She eventually got another job but I never got repaid.
I just don’t think it’s worth the drama to loan money to someone you see daily. Especially if it’s someone you like working with.
Never loan money. Either give it or don’t, but don’t expect to be paid back.
You don’t owe these people anything, and you’re letting them walk all over you. featherlou said what I was thinking.
Your coworkers have proven themselves untrustworthy in repaying their debts, so if you want an excuse to give people, tell them, “I let too many people borrow money they never repaid. They ruined it for everyone else.” If the person insists he’s different, just shrug as if to say, “Sorry. I’m not budging.”
What featherlou and those of you agreeing with her are missing is that I do not need you to call me a schmuck, remember?
I can think of about 100 different ways of answering me than the one she chose.
To put it another way, if I’m already beating myself up over this, why do I need you to jump on me as well?
I had a problem, I wrote to y’all about it, I know I caused the problem, and I own it. I got some very good suggestions and very good advice from some of you and I appreciate it, but what featherlou did was mean-spirited, and I cannot see it any other way.
Basically what she said was “I see you’re down about this, so I’m going to keep kicking you till you get the message.” I would not say what you wrote me to anyone else, but I guess I am at fault for holding you to my standards, huh?
Thanks to the those of you who chose the “high road”.
Again, it is very much appreciated, and the Bank of Quasi is closed .
Q
Quasi, dear, I just tell my co-workers that I can’t really afford to lend money. That way no feelings are hurt, and it’s true, 'cause if you lend to one, then you lend to another, you could easily end up short yourself, since they don’t pay you back.
And hello, I’ve missed you in the other places I used to see you.
I do the same thing if I can. I never lend money unless I’m prepared to never see it again. I feel like if you feel strongly about it being returned, you shouldn’t lend money out in the first place. It’s definitely setting yourself up for disappointment.
Money is one of those things that can kill a good relationship, working or otherwise. I consider borrowing and lending to be a personal thing done between friends and family members, and I don’t know that I’d be comfortable doing something I consider so personal at work.
To the OP I’d say that if it’s making you obsess over it and feel bad, you probably should just adopt a policy of not doing it. Starting today.
Quasimodem, I’m not trying to be mean, but if you are already kicking yourself about being a schmuck, then stop being one*. Giving away money at work to someone you don’t want to lend money to = being a schmuck. By scoffing at her featherlou’s response, you’re basically telling us you don’t want the complete truth.
You won’t be a mean person if you just say, “Sorry, dude. I’m going through some lean times right now and I can’t help you out.” Offer to buy the guy a cup of coffee or a donut from the vending machine, if you want to help get him through his tough times. But $200? I wouldn’t even ask my mama for $200!
*I don’t think you’re a schmuck. I think you’re a really nice guy who can’t say no. As someone who has absolutely no problem telling people “Hell to the NAW!” (except when it comes to party invitations), I’ll let you in on something. People will not hate you if you turn them down. Saying “No” does not mean that you are not nice or dependable. There are a ton of ways of being a friendly co-worker besides loaning money.
Which you did. Well, good for you.
I cannot believe somebody hurt someone else’s feelings on an anonymous message board on the internet. Shocking! No further offense, Quaismodem, but you do seem to take things a little seriously. I like that it makes you go into deep thought regarding your values, but I just worry that you must torture yourself constantly while others just walk around in a daze.
Then again, sensitive souls are pretty rare. Maybe you should hang on to yours and not listen to me.
My former co-workers at a couple of jobs used to have a sou-sou and I just couldn’t take the risk. I rarely carry cash anyway but would just not loan to anyone regardless, except maybe change for the vending machine. If I treat for lunch I know I don’t expect to get paid. Same with people selling on behalf of their kids; I just say no to all so as to not get trapped into anything.
Well, I’m a schmuck too - I’ve “loaned” lots of money to people and never gotten it back.
So now I only “loan” money to people if it’s not more money than I’d be willing to give them as a gift, because most likely that’s what it will wind up being. If someone actually pays me back, I chalk it up to a bonus. Then I can feel OK, and not feel like a schmuck and still help someone out.
Honestly, if a person is so down on their luck that they have to borrow money from their co-workers they’re not exactly what I would consider a “good credit risk” IOU or no IOU. If you wouldn’t give the person $200, then don’t loan it to them either.
It sounds like you have a hard time saying no to people, but nothing else will deter people from asking you for money. Interest certainly won’t – how much harder is it for them to not pay back interest in addition to not paying back principal?
I wouldn’t loan money to coworkers, beyond money for lunch if they’re short. Don’t defend yourself when they ask you, just say “sorry man, can’t do it”. And remind your past borrowers that they still owe you money!
Glad to hear it. 
And don’t beat yourself up about this!
I also have a reputation for being one of the really nice people in my office ('cuz, well, I am). I have no problem helping out people in need. Not with money in my case, but by pitching in when a department is short-handed or helping a coworker to decipher a complicated court ruling.
Unfortunately some people in the office take advantage of my willingness to help. One coworker, who I thought was a friend, got in the habit of making ridiculous demands on my time, wanting me to put aside my projects when I was on deadline so that I could help with projects that she left until the last minute. She, of course, would go home when her project was done, leaving me in the office by myself to finish the work I’d put off to help her. I put my foot down a couple of weeks ago when she told me to drive 10 miles out of my way and pick her up for a coworker’s baby shower so that she wouldn’t have to waste her gas (she got pissy and made a big production out of not speaking to me). Sure, she came to believe that it’s my job to take care of her, but it’s partly my fault for not saying “no” in the past.
There’s a fine line between being nice and being a doormat. If you genuinely want to help your coworkers, that’s great, but don’t do it because you feel guilty. It’s not your job to take care of everyone else.
If you decide to loan the money, get the transaction down in writing and add interest.
Then, see ya on Judge Judy!
FCM, are you from India and is your nickname Mona? Because there you sounded a lot like a roomie I used to have! The one who was mighty surprised when I told her I’d found a new place, she told me I had to pay her my part of that month and I replied that no, according to my accounting, she owed me… this in front of all her friends, to whom she owed money too.
The closest we come to loaning money to coworkers around here is paying for machine coffee. Good policy, if you ask me. The company subsidizes the machine, but they prefer a machine to having a Mr Coffee because it avoids fights over “who took the last cup and didn’t make more”.
No, I’m not from India, although a couple of my coworkers are… And I promise you, I have never seriously uttered “…cutest sweater on SALE” in this or any prior lives. Anyone who has seen the way I dress soon realizes that fashion is nothing to me.
Interestingly enough, First National Bank of Me got hit up this morning, by my own husband!! Somehow he always seems to know when I’ve hit the ATM…
I think lending money to co-workers beyond the occasional lunch/coffee/soda money is a bad bad idea. I’ve had to have “the talk” with staff who were asking co-workers for money. This is frowned upon here. I’ve also had staff who lent money to co-workers come to me complaining about not being paid back. Of course there’s nothing I can do about that because that comes down to one person’s word against another’s, plus, the lender took a risk knowing that the lending or borrowing of money etc. is frowned upon.
Quasi you’re a good person. People know that. That’s why they come to you. I’m glad to see you posted that the bank is now closed. That’s a good policy.