And he told me a few days later that he sent a romantic interest expensive flowers and Italian chocolates. He also claims he can’t yet repay me. What would you do in this situation? I never lend money I can’t afford to lose … but this straight-up pisses me off.
Consider the money an unintended gift and back away from the ‘friendship’.
I wouldn’t go that far, but I would never loan said friend money again. He should eventually pay you back.
Did he deceive you with respect to what the money would be used for, or do you simply not approve of the way he used the money he borrowed?
Don’t just lend money you can’t afford to lose, lend only the amount you can live without if you never got it back.
If it’s the principle that you’re upset about, well, at least he did you one favor: you now know he’s not a trustworthy, dependable friend.
BTW, did he say he can’t repay you ever or just not now? If it’s not now, just ask when you can expect it and then mark that date on your calendar. Some people are just shit with money (which is why you have to be careful who you lend to).
What were the original stipulations of the loan? Did he say “I really need $100 so I can buy groceries this week” or something like that?
“I lent my friend twenty bucks and I never heard from him again. Best $20 I ever spent!”
Institute a don’t lend policy as the wise Dave Ramsey recommends. Otherwise, you’re going to get pissed. I know firsthand.
And if your brother has just died and your SIL asks for $5000 until the insurance comes in and then never mentions it again?
^
This.
What did he say he needed the money, and how quickly did he say he would repay you?
Is that a hypothetical cause it’s a tough one? All I can say is I’ve never had good luck lending money and it leads to some pretty powerful negative emotions when the borrower takes vacations and buys nicer electronics than the lender and claims to be unable to pay back the money.
My sister-in-law needed to borrow $1500.00 from us and promised to pay my wife and I back. Told her give us a day to think about it.
Wrote up a “contract” with her wedding ring as collateral and a due date several months out. S-I-L balked so we told her she must not need the money that bad. She agreed to the terms and paid us back the day before we could have kept the ring.
I’ve made a gift of the money right up front, and sometimes for only part of what was requested, when this has happened in recent years. And I’ve never regretted it either.
Before I changed my approach, when friends or family borrowed money they never repaid it or only paid part, and I find that it still irks me to this day.
We’ve borrowed and lent money (short term/interest free) among friends and family on rare occasions. Each time, we drafted up a simple note - whichever end we were on. Really helps lessen chances of subsequent differences of opinion. And if someone is unwilling to sign a note, then I am unwilling to enter such an agreement with them.
Absolutely!
If somebody specifically asks me for a loan, then I write a simple note with the details and ask them to sign it.
Everyone who has signed has paid me back.
Everyone who refused to sign didn’t get the loan.
(I have occasionally given friends or folk clearly in need a gift. That’s my pleasure. But a loan is different.)
No it is not hypothetical. But I don’t want to hijack this thread even more to go into detail.
It seems to me the OP spotted a friend some amount that covers flowers and chocolate. I realize you can easily spend $250 on flowers and chocolates but if you’ve got expensive taste like that but can’t afford to spend it, you probably aren’t going to be hitting up a friend for it. Assume it’s something around $100. Perhaps if the OP ever returns, we’ll get a better understanding of events and amounts involved. But whether it’s $100 or $250, it seems hardly worth the informal written contract between friends who are close enough to lend one another money. Seem to me the issue is with how the money was used, not how much was borrowed or whether it would be paid back.
But it’s unlikely we’ll ever hear back. So I guess we should all consider ourselves lucky that it wasn’t us that lent money to the OP.
I had a friend whose policy was, you get one loan. If it’s $5 or $50 or $500, until it’s paid back, don’t ask for a loan again.
An old joke suggests lending money to people you don’t like, so you don’t have to see them again.
The Shakespeare line, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be, and to thy self be true,” gives us the joke name Nora Lenderby.
Italian chocolates? I thought the good stuff was from Belgium and Switzerland.