While visiting a my first choice college I found out that their acceptance date is March 15th.
WTF! Are they so stupid as to want to test fate. I can just imagine the should-be-smote-by-Zues head of admissions (who in my mind is a sexualy frustrated English Teacher) “Let’s set the Ides of March as the date on which we shall tell them their fate. I’m so clever I will go critique Walden and drink some fancy Californian wine.” Now my fantasy ends with me gutting this limp-dicked tempter of fate with the sword of Damocles and then going off to teach all the liberal arts co-eds that a scrawny white dude knows what Barry White is talking about. But I digress. What will probably happen is I will receive a note scribbled in the blood of my sister on the tombstone of my mother saying “No”. Not because I don’t deserve to get in but because they picked the Ides of March. Why don’t I just open a broadway show on November 23 while juggling burning chaisaws and chanting “My hubris is bigger than Zues’s penis”! Christ on a moped don’t these people know that fate should not be tempted.
Everyone agrees with me right?