College Dorm Roommates - Why?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Don’t forget about the military. In my first training command, I had 3 roommates, and everyone on the floor used a community bathroom. Next training command, I roomed with one other, and she was a weird one - community bath there also. First permanent assignment, I had (I think) 2 roomies initially and a bath we shared with one other room in the suite, but I had enough seniority and they had such an overload of women assigned there that I was able to get permission to move off base.

Granted, this isn’t exactly like college, and it wasn’t too terribly hard to get a new room assignment if all concerned were agreeable, but still, you started out in a new place with new people and absolutely no place to go for privacy. It was kinda fun when I was 19 and 20, it would be sheer torture now. Fortunately, my current roommate is also my spousal unit and we’ve managed to work things out over the last 20 years or so. :smiley:

22

TeaElle:

Never been to summer camp?

23

It amazes me now that I spent four years living in a room smaller than my current bedroom; and that two of those years were spent sharing that space with another human being.

My freshman year roommate was not what I’d call a disaster, but we didn’t really get along at all. I ended up spending most of my time next door, with a woman who turned out to be a great friend and my roommate the following year. Having a roommate is, IMO, an integral part of the college experience, as is dorm life. It’s something everyone can commiserate about, and it teaches you how to accomodate and compromise with another person. I think my diplomatic skills increased tenfold after spending so much time in close quarters with people. But having a single in my junior and senior years was a really nice break.

I went to London my junior year and spent a semester living in a dorm at King’s College. It was very much like a typical American dormitory. I had a single room, which was very spacious but also very cold. The heater was basically industrial decoration. There was also a sink in the room and a particle board wardrobe into which a previous resident had scrawled, “FISH N CHIPS.”

The biggest difference I noticed–and largely enjoyed and would like to have had back in America–was that social life didn’t take place in someone’s room but in the pub attached to the dorm, or the pub down the road. Perhaps it was the fact my college was in Maine, or my choice of social activities, but I felt we spent a lot of time hanging out in other people’s rooms.

24

I’m 5’5"…my first roommate in college was 6’10". Tell me that wasn’t planned.

25

The school that the nephew of the OP attends requires that all unmarried students live in the dorms (they call them residence halls which I find totally pretentious) unless they are living with parents or family or are at least 25 years old. (There are a few other exceptions, I’m not sure what they are.) There is no distinction made based upon class standing

This is the common argument, but here’s where it falls apart for me: no other social situation has nearly the same intensity as having the foundations of your life – the place where you sleep and all of your belongings – bound up with a person not of your own choosing. While the lessons of getting along with a disagreeable roommate may give you tools which can be carried into other aspects of life, is the “learning experience” worth it if comes at the cost of having a peaceful place to lay your head every night? I’d say no, and I’d gather that the people who scramble to move and/or change roommates at the earliest possible convenience would agree.

Surely some are practicing some moderation – even the die-hard partiers. They aren’t always partying, they are doing some studying and attending some classes, that’s moderation. It’s not a lot of moderation, but it’s certainly some!

My nephew’s doing just fine (honor student, peer counselor, involved in lots of stuff on campus and off, and on the baseball team in the spring) save for the issues with the roommate. But as he put it “I just hate having to be in my room if there’s a chance that he might be there.” To avoid conflicts, he’s spending as much as possible elsewhere, going so far as to sleep on the floor under a study carrell one night so that he could sleep past 5:30 a.m. without interruption.

Nephew’s college imposes a curfew on all students in the dorms at all times, including weekends. He’s got limited choices – like the floor under a study carrell. And I’m fairly sure that if an RA or RD had discovered him there, he would’ve been on the receiving end of a talking to.

See, I don’t think that’s comparable at all. A romantic partner is someone you’ve chosen, and by the time you’re living with that person, your investment in the relationship is such that you have a good reason to work through problems because they’re an impediment to what you want, which is a connection to the person you love. Living together isn’t the center of a romantic relationship or the basis of the bond between the partners. A stranger roommate has no bond to you and living together is the entirety of the reason that you have a relationship with that person at all.

I’m not trying to be argumentative, really, I just still don’t see it.

Point taken about the military, though. I hadn’t thought of it. Not summer camp, though – every camp I’ve been to (um, 4 of them) had barracks style housing with 10 or 12 people in a huge room all together. Somewhat different than 2 very different people stuck in a small room, I think.

26

Questionnaires? Ha. The only thing they asked me was if I smoked, and if I objected to a roommate who smoked.

Actually, I think I had more problems living with friends than with my random first-year roommate. We found out that we enjoyed each other’s company, but not 24/7. We remained friends but went separate housing ways.

27

At the community college I went to they had dorms, but they were quads. Each quad had 4 bedrooms (each with their own entrance) which were about 8 by 10 feet. Each room had a small fridge, a hot plate, sink, desk, bed and cupboard. Each room opened into a 10x10 room with a sink and mirror, and there was a bathroom off of it that was shared by the 4 roommates.

So you were living with 4 people, but still had your distance. Worked out pretty well.

MtM

28

This is a bit difficult for me to comment on. There are quite a few people on these boards going to large state universities. Here at our school it is not uncommon for you to know just about everyone on your floor. [or I think it is from what students have said] plus our RA’s are well paid and the incentives are pretty good to be an RA.

TeaElle - what exactly don’t you see about the whole methodology behind the roomate system? I’m having difficulty figuring if you are just concerned for your nephew or if you don’t like the idea of a begining year student having to live with a complete stranger. Maybe you could clarify this.

29

I’m living in a dorm (residence hall, whatever…just another term…) right now, and did last year too.

I like it. This year especially. I like it because it’s ON CAMPUS, i.e. I literally walk across the street to class. I like it because there’s food to be had IN THE BUILDING, i.e. I literally go to McDonalds IN THE BASEMENT or a couple other places IN THE BUILDING. Really convenient. I like it because there are a thousand other people within four years of my age living here too, and you really do get to know them, or if not know them, at least recognize them.

I did not like my roommate last year, I have a single room this year. If your nephew was here, he would have some options. We have about a two week period at the beginning of the semester where we can request a roommate change if we want. We can change rooms at semester, too, so at least he wouldn’t have to try to last the whole year. If I were him, I’d definitely shell out the extra bux to get a single room next semester, or at least find someone he’s met at college and make a deal to room with him.

30

Dorms are really a mixed bag.

On one hand, they do a lot of good. The provide a built in support/friendship network for a bunch of displaced people. They allow people perhaps the one chance they may get to be a communal living situation before they spend the rest of their lives isolated in some suburb. A lot of people have fond memories of their dorm days.

On the other hand, I hated them. Perhaps it is because I grew up with just my mother and myself and was not used to living with lots of people. Perhaps it is because I was in godforsaken triples both years I was in dorms (I couldn’t afford a single- a plight that really made things miserable for those two years). It might be because I never got along with other girls too well. Maybe it’s because I got stuck with dirty, loud, mean, drug dealing, underwear-stewing-on-the-flooring, Sweet-Home-Alabama-playing, roomates. Whatever it was, it was hellish.

I never felt like I was at home. I rarely slept in my bed, which I resented. Sometimes I sneak off to one of the smaller libraries and sleep there just so I didn’t have to be around my roomates. Whenever I’d go into town, I’d look with great jelousy upon the people that had actual homes, not a claim on a bunkbed and four square feet of floor space in a room shared with two demons. I was never alone or had any semblence of privacy. I’d dread having to go home even to fetch my toothbrush. For those two years, my living situation was definately the biggest problem in my life and I never became at ease with it or comfortable in my surroundings. If you search, you can find many rants about how miserable I was during those years.

I would have been fine in a single, even the tiniest one imaginable. Communal living is a great idea, and I fully support it for all walks of life. But people also need just a tiny bit of privacy and space to call their own. My college has wised up and most of their new building is apartments with single rooms.

31

The scene: seal and his parents have unloaded all his stuff in dorm room and set it up. No sign of roomate. Leave for lunch, goodbyes.
seal returns to room later.
What he finds:
His new roomate, lying on HIS bed, listening to one of HIS albums on HIS stereo, smoking one of HIS cigarettes.

The good news: VERY liberal campus, seal moves in with girlfriend in her dorm.

32

My college requires all non-married students to live on campus until age 21, and we must live in one of the dorm buildings for our first year. After that, we can move into one of the two on-campus apartment complexes. I think the arrangement is kind of obnoxious, really. I resent having to live in a three-story human filing cabinet, and being forced to shell out even more money to the University than I already am. I was really lucky, though, in that I got a single room, thank God. We had to fill out a housing application six months in advance and make a lot of phone calls, but I haven’t regretted it for a second. The proximity of so many people is bad enough, if I didn’t have somewhere to go and just hide out I’d probably go stark-raving mad. Honestly, there isn’t one thing I see as an advantage to living in my dorm building. If it weren’t for the rules I’d be hapily off-campus right now; I dont like being totaly immersed in an institution, it makes the world too small. As it is, I go off campus to do something every couple of days and get some space. I’m sure there are people who like constant interaction with their roommate or whatever, but I’m not one of them.

33

The students that are changing roommates, as well as your nephew are all learning to cope and not rely on Mommy and Daddy to solve all of the problems life will be throwing at them.

Sounds like he is adapting to college and learning how to get sympathy from his sweet understanding aunt.

So if you learn to survive that type of relationship, then all others should become easier.

I don’t understand what you think should be done about the situation.
[ul]:frowning: [sup]The #1 lesson we all have to learn is that life isn’t fair![/sup][/ul]

34

The dorm arrangement does seem a bit old fashioned, doesn’t it? Way back when, it was common for siblings to share rooms, so living in a dorm wasn’t that much of a shock. Nowadays, there are many who never share a room until college. It also seems primitive to trudge down the hall to go to the bathroom, but many hotels used to be that way, too, way back when.

It was also weird, learing about tenements in American history class, and coming home to the narrow hallways, crowded rooms, and shared bathrooms of the dormitory.

Colleges like dorms because they create community on campus. You don’t have everyone rushing away at the end of the day back to their apartments or houses–people are still on campus, and it fosters a greater attachment and fondness for the place. The commuter students I knew at my large state university had a tougher time making friends and feeling like they belonged. I suppose that many who feel that way eventually drop out. That inspired many colleges to require dorm living for freshmen. I think that might be going too far, but I do think it should be encouraged. Where else can you, when lonely or bored, just open your door and people will stop by?

I like the new apartment-style residence halls because they reflect more the way we live today. You can have a roommate, or not. You can have a meal plan, or not. You can have your own bathroom. You are still on campus, and you still have people planning the community events, etc. that makes a residence hall different from a regular apartment building.

It’s tough to live with people you don’t love or even know, though. There always ended up being this weird, awkward silence at times. Maybe it was me. It’s much easier being married, though :).

35

I am in my seventh semester living in a residence hall. In the course of my first five semesters, I went through five different roommates. Here’s the rundown.

Roommate #1: lived with her for about a month. She was fine, except for the fact that she crammed a whole frozen pizza into my miniature fridge (not a freezer!) and it leaked pepperoni juice all over my pudding cups. But the room was awful and I just wasn’t happy there. A girl in one of my classes and in marching band needed a roommate, as hers (an OCD neat freak extremely butch lesbian, FWIW) had moved out. And her room was so much nicer. So I moved in with her.

Roommate #2: We got along fine for awhile, but towards the end of fall semester/beginning of spring, she got increasingly weird on me. She was neverendingly perky and cheerful, even when she was pissed off or sad, which was just freaking creepy, and eventually I could barely stand to be in the room with her. Stuck it out til the end of freshman year. She got less creepy over the past couple of years and we’re still friends. She’s now an RA in another building.

Roommate #3: Randomly assigned, she was a transfer student. We were perfectly compatible personality-wise, and she’s still a good friend, but she’s rather neat and I’m… not. She couldn’t stand the fact that I don’t make my bed and I leave dresser drawers open, and I accidentally locked her out of the room once or twice. She moved out at the end of the semester, and the semester after that she got a job as an RA, so it doesn’t really matter.

Roommater #4: One of my best friends from freshman year on. Her roommate until that point, another great friend of mine, got an RA job and so she needed a roommate, I needed a roommate, it all worked out great, we were just fine living with eachother. Best roommate I had. And then at the end of that semester she got an job as an RA and therefore I was once again roommate-less. ::sigh::

Roommate #5: Russian exchange student. Very nice girl. Spent almost NO time in our room. She got a boyfriend soon after arriving who lived off campus, and she spent every night at his place. So I rarely saw her. And it was great!

After that, I realized that I could not stand to have another roommate. So I shelled out (well, my dad helped me) the extra $450 a semester for a mini-single (cheaper than a regular single, which is a double room with only one occupant, this room is a little smaller and only meant for one person). So I’ve had my own room last spring and this semester and it is fantastic. I am just not meant to live with other people, I think. It was bad enough I had to share a room with my sister for the first 14 years of my life.

So… umm… what does this have to do with the thread? Oh yes. My college requires students who are either under 22 or have less than 90-something credits to live on campus unless they are married, living with parents, or have children. I think the deal with roommates is that it is cost-effective, and for the most part, living on campus really is a good way to experience college. I know I enjoy it. Even if all my friends got RA jobs and I’m the only one still paying for my own room… ::grumble:: I enjoy it a lot more now that I don’t have a roommate, but there’s only so much you can do. It’s pretty much a necessary thing, though.

Did that make any sense or have any relevance at all?

36

I find it odd that he got stuck with a stranger as a Sophomore. The vast majority of colleges allow people (at least after Freshman year) choose their roommate.

I know I was with a stranger as a Freshman, having only talked to him a few times on the phone. However, the next I had my choice of roomies.

37

Many hotels still are, outside of the US, not to mention almost all hostels. If nothing else, dorm life is great training for backpacking Europe (or the other way around).

And if I have as many young 'uns as I’d like, they’ll definitely be sharing rooms – both because I doubt that I’ll be able to afford a house with separate bedrooms (let alone bathrooms) for all the kids, and I’m not sure the amount of individual space upper-middle-class Americans have come to expect is all that healthy.

38

Hmmm. The American dorm experience, at least the one I see on TV, does seem quite a bit different from the Canadian experience. Firstly, the dorm I lived in featured two people per room and a shared bathroom between each two rooms. No trudging down the hall to public showers/bathrooms here. Also, we could choose our roomates (as I did, luckily). Perhaps most striking is the time American students seem to spend in dorms. Here in Canada (well, at least here at UWO), its very un-cool to be living in dorms after first year.

I’m in 2nd year and living off-campus in a house. I’m hoping next year I can be an R.A or a Floor Soph and move back into rez (we get single rooms though).

39

This is my second year at college, and I’m sharing a suite in a dorm with seven other girls. There’s four bedrooms, two girls per bedroom, one bathroom (!) and a downstairs (kitchen, living room, etc.) The nicest suits are the slightly smaller one with only two bedrooms, with four girls to a suit. There’s also what’s called a “flat”, one ground floor room housing two girls. It offers more privacy but no living room or kitchen.

I was surprised how easy I adjusted to living with seven strangers. At any given time, most of us aren’t here – class, boyfriends, parties, church, etc. empty out my dorm. The bathroom situation isn’t as bad as you’d think either, since half like to take night showers and half are morning showerers. There’s enough cabinet space for everyone to stash their own little box of poptarts and what-have-you. R.A.'s get their own rooms if they want them. We worked out a cleaning schedule so everyone has their own little asigned duties that keep them busy.

The only downside: I can’t get away from anyone. This campus is insanely crowded this semester and I relish my weekend trips home, where I can wander around in the woods for a few hours and not see a single soul.

40

Trigonal Planar, it’s not that different in America, at least not with the state universities with which I’m familiar. Newer dorms are built with a greater number of smaller bathrooms, but the communal ones will be around as long as the older buildings hold out. Sophomores and up do choose their own roommates from among their friends, assuming they have any, but of course incoming freshmen must have roommates assigned as they do not always know anyone else on campus. And yeah, most people do get apartments or split houses after the first year, although of course this depends on the school’s policy.

I think television and movies concentrate on dorm life so much because dorm life can quickly establish a character as a college student.