College Dorm Roommates - Why?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I spoke with my nephew today. He’s a sophomore at a small Christian college in the midwest and he’s fairly miserable right now. He and his roommate were strangers to one another (roomie is a transfer this year) but they exchanged a couple of e-mails and thought they’d be compatible (not that they had a choice) because both are runners, both are vegetarians and both have majors in the same department. As its turned out, nephew and roommate have completely opposite schedules, roomie is a disdainful vegan while nephew is a laissez faire ovo-lacto veggie, and while nephew is a psychology major, roomie has griped on several occasions about the “worthless” psychology classes he has been “forced” to take to fulfill requirements of his major, social work. :eek:

Needless to say, nephew is already actively searching for a new situation for next semester, and has even attempted to strike some deal with his mother to get her to loan him enough to cover the cost of a private room with promises of paying back the difference from earnings at a summer job.

All of this has left me thinking about the practice of having strangers living together in very close quarters in college dormitories.

I’m very clear on the practical reasons behind it, with most colleges hurting for dorm space with doubles and triples as the norm, it wouldn’t be feasible to provide singles to every student who wanted one. That’s easily understood.

But college, in my view, is about expanding one’s experiences, knowledge and thinking. It’s a time of new and previously unknown independence and learning how to temper that with moderation and responsibility. And the average college student is still an adolescent (though at the tail end of that life phase) with all of the attendant desire for autonomy and personal space, and the occasional bout of moodiness which is coupled with the desire (need?) to be left to themselves for a while.

None of those ideas seem to jibe with the strictures or the irregularity of having to live in a tiny space with a stranger, and trying to find a comfort zone in which to sleep, dress, study and simply live day to day with the limits to privacy, conflicts in scheduling and potential clashes in personality which are part and parcel of having no choice but to spend (at least) several months in that small space with someone not of your own choosing.

The only other institution I can think of that forces strangers to live together in confined spaces without choice of roommate or ability to easily move elsewhere or change partners for a set period of time is jail. :eek:

Who decided that this was not simply a good idea but a scheme which should be de rigeur, considered by many to be an integral part of the college experience? And why do some people consider it a personal shortcoming if one does not fare well in a stranger-roommate housing situation?

Having never personally done the dorm thing, I have no personal knowledge of what this sort of situation is like, but having seen it from afar – during my college years and in the (ahem) decades since – I simply don’t get it. So, my fellow Dopers, school me on this topic.

2

Ah, the memories. My college roommate and I didn’t even have the stuff your nephew and his roomie had in common. After two terms of hell, he finally moved out. The guy who lived across the hallway, who had a single, had an old Far Side cartoon, where they show the college housing office intentionally placing opposites together. Actually, it may have been Close to Home, not Far Side. Often times, it does feel as though they intentionally mismatch people. I don’t know why, since they can’t watch it when the fireworks go off.

3

If I may interject with a question, how common is it for American students to live on campus with other students while they are at college?

I ask because it’s a recurring theme on this board, in American movies and on television, but it’s something of a rarity here in Australia. (The majority of kids here attend a university in their home city and commute daily from the suburbs. The few students I knew that lived in dorms were from overseas or the country – and they all had separate rooms.)

4

In many American colleges it’s actually mandatory for students to live in dormitory housing for at least their first year.

5

At my undergraduate institution, roommates were only pre-assigned for first-year students, and even these pairings were done based on personality profiles that the first-year students themselves submitted, which included, among other things, questions about sleeping habits and sensitivity to noise. After the first year, students could choose their roommates, or even choose to live in a single (if any are still available by the time their housing lottery numbers are called). About the only time non-first-year students would be randomly assigned a dorm room and roommates is if their housing lottery numbers are so bad that none of their preferred dorms have rooms still unreserved by the time their numbers are called. In that case, they could apply for summer placement and hope that some of the rising juniors who have reserved nice rooms are accepted into fall study-abroad programs, which would require them to relinquish their reservations on those nice rooms.

After my first year at this college, I went for two years without a roommate, and then chose to live in a double for my final year. During the course of our final year, my roommate remarked that if he had known me better during our freshman year, he would have chosen to room with me for all subsequent years. I could have responded, but did not think to do so at the time, “better late than never.”

6

Like Nemo says, usually it’s mandatory to live in a dormitory for at least a year. Sometimes two. (That’s assuming the college inquestion HAS housing for students. Smaller schools, or schools in big cities, sometimes don’t.) I’m going into my fourth and final year at college and I elected to stay in the same dorm for all four years. But I haven’t had a roommate since my freshman year, lucky me. :slight_smile:

Although for the record, my roommate and I had a lot in common - though he was out more often, he was a music student with a busy schedule - we had similar laid-back personalities, both dug the Simpsons, etc. We never had any problems.

7

IMO, it’s purely an economic issue that universities rationalize with “It’ll be good for you” reasoning.

I got a form prior to my freshman year that asked questions I considered intrusive and possibly racist, so I filled it out with crude, absurdly racist answers (with my left hand, in pencil in block letters). I got assigned a black roommate, presumably to teach me a lesson in tolerance.

8

Really? I’ve never heard of this practice. You mean they will force you to live in dorms, with a roomate, instead of commuting from home, or live in off-campus housing? This seems weird and a tad unbelievable.

9

If you live in the same city as the school, zuma, then you obviously won’t live in the dorm. But most American college students go far away from home to attend school, and are required to live in the dorm for a year or two. I don’t know why, but nearly all colleges seem to have that rule.

10

My first roommate and I never did get along. I was a music education major, didn’t drink alcohol, enjoyed Star Trek, and liked to socialize with the other people on the floor. He was an architecture major, drank copious amounts of alcohol, enjoyed Babylon 5, and socialized with people off the floor. Basically, we fought near-constantly during the time we roomed together (3 semesters). Some of it was my fault; some of it was his. From what I understand, his opinion of me has softened in the last couple years; and my opinion of him has softened as well. We probably would have been friends had we not been forced to share 200 square feet of space. My second roommate and I were completely different as well, but we just clicked instantly from the start. I don’t know why, but we lived together in peace rather the constant warfare that was present with the first roommate.

On a happier note, I think many colleges are realizing that forcing two of more people to share a room may not be a great idea. I’ve noticed that many (but definitely not all) colleges build apartment complexes or apartment-style residence halls now. My college’s last four residence complexes have been apartments or single-person occupancy rooms. Of course, these are mostly reserved for upperclassmen. Freshmen will more than likely find themselves in the older residence halls (and have a roommate). So I agree that colleges go for a “It’ll be good for you to expand your experiences” sentiment when it comes to the dorms.

At any rate, it’s a better trend than the '60s/'70s trend of high-rises with tiny double-occupancy rooms and community bathrooms.

11

Most colleges that do have a policy mandating living in the dorms for a year or two also allow exemptions if you have family in the area; if you are married, a parent, or both; if you came out of the foster care program or were emancipated as a minor; or if you are over 25 years of age. I fell into the last catagory when I first attended a university, so I just had to fill out a one-page form and I could happily get an apartment with my fiance and cat.

I understand the policy. College life is a shock to a lot of freshmen who are leaving home for the first time. Living in the dorms can help a new student to make a new set of friends and find a support system, but homesickness is still common. Many teens drop out from sheer lonliness. I imagine it would be even more dreadful if a bunch of eighteen-year-old commuters were coming home after class to a deathly quiet studio apartment.

12

It’s certainly an economic issue: the cost of housing is bound to go up if the college has to support twice as many dorms. But let’s face it: part of life is dealing with other people. Having a roommate does teach you social skills, if only how to deal with a difficult person.

13

I have spent most of my adult life living with strangers. Every place I’ve lived has involved meeting strangers and becoming their friend as time goes on.

I’ve lived alone for two years now, and I love it, but living with strangers is hardly a hardship.

14

I’ve always wondered about this, and sometimes lamented it too, because I’m not very good at sharing living space with others, though I think in the end the experience was good for me.

Can any other international Dopers comment on whether this is strictly an American phenomenon? I had a friend in college who spent a semester abroad in England, and he said the standard university housing over there was a big flat housing about 20 people, where you shared living areas and bathrooms, but everybody had his own bedroom. Sure, the bedrooms were tiny, but at least you had a place where you could be alone when you wanted to. It has always seemed slightly horrifying to me, NEVER having a place where you could go to be alone.

15

TeaElle - I work at a college where the freshman have to have a roomate their first semester and if they can find something better after that, and both parties agree a move is warranted.

Tempering ones independence with with moderation is something most college student learn when they are exiting college. In my opinion, doing things in moderation is not what traditionally happens in college. I’d venture to say more than 70% of college students learn by the excesses they participate in, not by practicing moderation.

I see them entering my class on MWF at 8:30a.m. hung over to no end, or skipping class etc…etc… I usually get them the day after they have had a long night. As a prof. You get used to it with some students, others you expect it from and still others you do not expect it from.

It varies, but back to your original post, I think the essential college experience comes from learning how to make it on the outside. For some it’s very difficult, others they are just fine. But living with a roomie can be very difficult, its learning how to manage your life that is the key. If your nephew can do that, he will make it just fine throughout the college experience.

16

That’s terrible! Assuming that they might have had even an inkling that you were serious (I don’t know how “absurd” your answers were), what a thing to do to your roomate.

Or maybe someone there just had the same sense of humor as you, I don’t know. But better safe than sorry.

17

I don’t think sharing a room with a stranger is a major hardship either, at least not if both parties are mature enough to set reasonable boundaries and deal with conflicts in a constructive way. (And if they aren’t, it’s better that they learn these things as college freshmen than when they’re having their first live-in relationship, or after they’ve signed a lease they can’t break for a year.) Having students share rooms makes good economic sense for the college and provides a crash course in social relations for the students. Despite the fact that my freshman roommate and I never really warmed up to each other, I don’t have a problem with it.

BTW, at my college, the dorms actually did allow a fair amount of freedom of movement; several people on my hall switched roommates by mutual consent before the first semester was over.

18

Heck, my college imposed curfews on first-year students. So if you didn’t like your roommate, you were SOL, because you couldn’t even stay out all night to avoid her ass. :wink:

Actually, though, my and my roommate’s room turned out to be a haven for people who hated their roommates, so we had FOUR people living in our room–two to each twin bed.

I can’t imagine how the hell I survived it.

19

I had single rooms when in the dorms, and roommates in an apartment for a year. It was after I ran out of money for school and joined the Navy that I got the true roommate experience.

In basic and advanced training, I shared a room with 50-70 other guys. I had a single roommate when in the barracks overseas, before I moved to an apartment with no roommate. On the ship, I was in a 96-man berthing space. Ashore in Norfolk, I had two roommates in an apartment.

There are other institutions that force you into shared living experiences, not just jail and college.

There’s good and bad to it all, of course. It was great training in the fine art of getting along with people you may not want to get along with.

20

If you learn how to live with a stranger, and even make them your friend, you’ll be better prepared for living with a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. later on, should that become an issue. Growing up in a household isn’t that comparable, because you had to live with your parents (and sibling(s), often), and their habits are usually seen by you as what’s “normal” even if they don’t entirely match your own. Living with other people lets you see how other people live and become hopefully flexible in relating to them or in working out problems.

I went to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, a large state university (~45,000 students, I think) with many students from across the US and other countries. I don’t believe that dorm living was mandatory - as a matter of fact, I recall one in-state student who was living in a privately-owned dorm only because the available university housing had filled up by the time she’d applied. Many students typically spent their first two or three years in the dorms, then moved out into apartments with friends they’d made - housing is so pricey in the campus area that your own apartment is possible but rather expensive.

Dormitories allow students who are away from their home city to make friends more easily, and to hopefully keep an eye out for the students who are depressed, stressed out, or otherwise in some distress over their new situation. I know that when I started college, for a short time I became very agitated over the new level of academic demands on me; people I’d met in the dorms were a help in adjusting and calming down. Through staying in the dorms, I met my husband, and friends that we still see a decade later. I can think of one friend that I met through classes who I still have, though it’s quite possible that I would have tried harder to make more friends in classes if I hadn’t stayed in the dorms.