So both my wife and I have student loans. Every single day for the past two weeks, Collegiate Fucking Services has called asking us if we want to partake of their services to consolidate our Student Fucking payments. The conversation goes something like this:
Them: If you consolidate your student fucks with us, we can give you a great rate.
Me: I already get a great rate because my student fucks are garunteed by the federal government. Hard to beat the fucking interest the US Government charges right now.
Them: But if you have us directly deduct your fucking payments from your checking account, we’d be happy to drop the rate another quarter point.
Me: I pay my student fuck payments from multiple accounts. I also regularly overpay, unless I especially need the money for something else this month. So, no thanks. I’d rather not have you regularly deduct my minimum student fuck payment from my account at the most inconvienent time for me.
Them: But you can save money!
Me: No, I can’t. Do your own math. If I repay my college fucks my way, I pay them off faster with less overall interest. If I pay your way, I get a slightly lower rate but have to make twice as many payments. Big fucking savings there.
Them: But we can help!
Me: Fuck off and let me take care of my own Student Fuck Payments my own way. If I want your service, I’ll fucking well call you.
Them: Rinse, repeat…
A similar conversation occurs almost every day. No matter how politely I ask or how many “managers” I talk to, they keep calling.
They keep calling me too. Except I never have a conversation with them. Also- my loans are already consolidated and once that’s done, you can’t do it again. But they keep calling. One day I’ll tell them to please put me on their do not call list.
Tell them to put you on their do not call list. If they persist, make a log of their calls. It’s illegal for them to keep calling once you tell them to stop.
They drive me freakin’ bonkers too. Near daily calls for weeks on end. One day, in a fit of weakness, I agreed to let them send me their informational packet with application - big mistake.
Jerk-off’s re-doubled their efforts. Did you receive it? Have you completed it? When will you send the application back? I finally lost my patience, and civility, and informed them that as of this phone call, they have moved down the list of consolidators I am considering giving my business too. I not so delicately told them that should they call me again, they will fall off the list into a never ending hole of oblivion where they shall never, EVER receive my business. Oh, and there were lots of “fucks”, “fucking”, and “fucker” tossed in at appropriate moments as I eloquently made my position clear.
Mrs. MeanJoe couldn’t believe it as I am almost always the definition of polite when refusing telemarketers calls.
On the plus side, they haven’t called since… I’m still stunned.
You know, of all of the venture capital endeavours in the late 90s, I cannot believe that this was not put forward. Collegiate Fucking Services. My god, it’s a license to print money.
They’re bugging us too. I wonder … is there anyone from CFS out there? If there is:
Listen, buttmunches - I don’t WANT to extend the term of my student loans so that I am paying them until 2028! I will ALREADY be paying them until 2013! Go play in traffic or something, sheesh!
I’m a little worried about my CFS telemarketers. They haven’t called me at all this week, after nearly a month straight (I haven’t answered for them in ages, but that never seemed to stop them before). Don’t they love me anymore?
If you don’t want to have them call you anymore, start asking them questions, and don’t let them take control of the conversation. They really hate that. Ask them about their favorite TV show, what color their socks are, what they are wearing, etc. Also, get Enigma, it’s shareware software, and it drives telemarketers nuts, by listing all of the questions that they are legally required to answer, the law that requires them to, and it logs every call you get, so if they call back after you’ve asked them not to, you have evidence, and you can call the appropriate authorities and… Sic The Man on them.
I drove a TM nuts this way, and started asking him what he was wearing (the bastard kept calling back after I was put on the “Don’t call me or else” list). Since I’m a man, he got rather uncomfortable, and when I asked him what his shirt was made of, whether it was woven, knit, cotton, cotton/poly blend, etc- he got rather upset, and started to demand to know whether I wanted his lawn maintenance servece. I told him that I wanted to know about his shirt. We went back and forth until he really started getting unglued, and eventually, I just told him I didn’t want his damn service, because if I did get it, I’d have to mow the lawn at my rented apartment more often. And I don’t like to do it.
Even more amusing, my mother got some piece of mail about doing something to her student loans. You can tell they pulled it off some list, as it was addressed “To the Parents of [my mother, with her married name]” What’s funny is that she’s been out of school for about 30 years and as far as I know never took student loans, getting the government to pay for her schooling in exchange for her serving a stint with the Nursing Corps in the Army Reserves.
Parent Plus Loans. shudder The loans many parents had a hard time understanding the concept of.
I can’t tell you the number of times I had this little conversation:
“I’m sorry ma’am, but you took the loan out. You signed the promissory note. You are obligated to pay it back, not little Timmy. Yes, I understand he told you he would pay it off. Yes, I’m very sorry Timmy ran off to Europe and you don’t know where he is. But you still are responsible for making payments.”
I worked for a Student Loan Co. (NOT CollegiateServices!!!)some Parents have taken out $1mil+ for their babies. In their name. That THEY are obligated to pay back. I don’t know about you, but I’d tell my kid “you’re going to the JuCO, and stop your whining.”
Oh, and as for the OP…just tell CS the borrower died.
