Come to the Christmas Party, or No Bonus...Huh?

The BBQ Pit
1

My girlfriend is a clerical worker for a major regional sleep institute. Every night I hear stories about the temperamental and bitchy head doctor. But get this:
The only way to get your Christmas bonus is to attend the woman’s Christmas party. It’s more or less a black tie affair. Dress to the nines. Essentially, it’s an excuse for this doctor and her daughter to show off their mansion, their horses, the insane amounts of jewelry they own and the ridiculous dresses they bought specifically for that party. It helps to kiss some ass.

Everyone in the office is invited, but no one is required to come. However, no bonus for those in absentia. What the fuck? I know for a fact that one woman has plans to be out of town during Dr. Hunchface’s soiree, plans she has had for months and can’t (nor does she want to) break.

No bonus.

Isn’t a bonus a work incentive? Isn’t it a reward that reflects all the hard work you’ve put in over the course of the previous 364 days? I understand that Xmas bonuses are arbitrary. Some years you get one, some you don’t. I’ve never gotten one because I’ve never worked anywhere that could afford to do so.

But I find this offensive. Give one to everyone if you’re going to place a pointless caveat on it. That’s like telling everyone, “If you wear red on Friday, you get your bonus.” Someone gets sick, someone forgets? Too bad. You get nothing; you lose. Good day to you.

Fuck you, Dr. Hunchface, for being an attention whore and an outright fuck-knuckle. You can keep that fucking money, and if I get dragged to that party because Lady Mung has to go, I’m going to be pissed. I hope you slip in the bathtub.

Oh, and before I forget, Dr. Hunchface, you and your partner Dr. Donkeynose need to get a clue about the meaning of Christmas. The season of giving, right? For those more fortunate to share what they have? Oh, no.

No, in the time-honored office tradition of gluing one’s lips to the ass of their supervisor(s), you two Hippocratic Heroes are getting gifts from your staff. I don’t know what it is you want, Hunchface, but I suppose you’ll register for something nice. But YOU, Donkeynose, you should know better. I expected more from you.

An XBox 360? You make a six-digit salary and have the unmitigated gall to ask your staff to buy you an XBox? Fuck you both. Between the two of you, you could make an excellent charitable donation instead of asking for more for yourselves. Y’know, maybe someone could have something to eat or something warm to sleep under.

Nah, what the fuck? Ask your staffers for $200-$300 gift. You could easily afford a dozen.

In the spirit of Christmas I say: Fuck both of you, you Scrooge-ish bints. And a happy fucking New Year.

2

The crassness of the wealthy never ceases to amaze me. As a teen I worked as a busboy in a ritzy restaurant. We never got ANY Christmas bonus but had to cough up 20 bucks every year for a gift for the owner.

3

I feel sorry for them. They have to bribe people to come to their party.

I suggest the missus brush up her resume.

4

She’s transferring to another department in just a few weeks. This pleases us both greatly.

5

Sounds like a great Christmas gift!

6

Damn straight it is.

7

:eek: Y’all should have chipped in a few cents each and bought the owner one of those high-bouncy balls out of a vending machine.

8

So, this confuses me. If she’s switching to another department, that implies that the head doctor is only in charge of one department? If so, has anyone talked to head management about this bonus thing? Because it sounds insane.

9

No, because the woman isn’t going anywhere. She’s in charge of the “Sleep Study” department, and it’s apparently the biggest revenue-producing section of the hospital. As big of a bitch as she is, she brings in lots and lots and LOTS of cash. Thus, she wields an inordinate amount of power.

Also, she has her entire staff cowed. They don’t dare raise their voices.

10

They’re probably just compensating for those unfortunate last names. They msut have had very difficult childhoods. You know how cruel schoolchildren can be.

Seriously, though I thought I worked in a place where the boss considered the operation to be a personal petty fiefdom. At least they have an excuse, since their grandfathers founded it and all. But these doctors are completely beyond the pale. It’s too bad that they ahve the staff so cowed. They deserve a good measure of public humiliation.

11

I sincerely hope “Dr. Hunchface” is on her best behaviour at these parties. Not leaning in too close to the employees, not making comments about how those employees “clean up nicely”, that kind of thing. Because otherwise she may be putting herself at risk for a sexual harassment lawsuit. There ain’t much breathing room between “go out to dinner with me or I’ll give you a bad evaluation” and “come to my party or you won’t get your Christmas bonus”, and one inappropriate flirtation will bridge that gap pretty damn quick.

Hell, if one of her employees made an inappropriate pass at another employee during this party she might be exposing herself to legal liability, for creating a hostile environment.

12

What’s a Christmas Bonus? :confused:

okay, I do know what one is. I just thought they were extinct.

13

Well your next move seems obvious to me:

(1) Go to the Christmas Party.
(2) Get Bonus.
(3) Shit in the Coat Closet.

Merry Christmas and to all a Good Night!

14

I like this idea. Wipe on the bedspreads, just to make a statement. I’ve never heard of such. Fuck that bitch. Attending Christmas Party does not = bonus.

Piss on the curtains while you’re at it.

15

One fat lawsuit settlement will have an effect on that valuableness. Or even a number of fat lawsuit settlements.

16

Hmm…your ideas intrigue. Do you have a newsletter?

I will add that Dr. Donkeynose ain’t a bad guy. I like him and I had a lot more respect for him before. He doesn’t treat people around the office like crap when they make errors. The Hunchface has no idea how to treat employees. Still, fuck him for asking for an expensive gift from people who make not even a tenth of his salary.

17

Maybe he got the idea from the bosswoman? Maybe she told him that’s how it is there? He might not be grasping, merely clueless.

18

It’s definitely the latter. He’s clueless. Smart guy, but clueless.

19

I’m curious; how do these doctors ask for gifts from their employees? That’s wrong on so many levels; you don’t ask for gifts, you don’t ask your employees for gifts, etc.

20

I just want to say that this thread makes me understand why 9/11 happened.

The hunchfaces = America.
Everyone else = the world.

Right?