The only thing close to original for me is, “Never trust an adult man that doesn’t drink beer.”.
True. But the third worm gets the first mouse. It’s only fair.
“Pass the Spinach” means to ignore anything odd or unusual around you.
I invented it at a party about 15 years ago. There was a lot of drinking, and music blasting so loud that it was very difficult to impossible to carry on a conversation. One of the apartment holders said something to me which I didn’t hear, then went into his freezer and pulled out a 2lb bag of frozen spinach and handed it to me.
I wasn’t sure if he was giving it to me, or wanted me to cook it, or what. So I passed it to the person next to me, who was engaged in a drunk conversation with the person next to her. She barely glanced at the spinach, then passed it to her drunk conversationalist, who passed it to the person next to him…,
And the spinach went around the room, with most people not looking at it but just passing it on to anyone who would take it. Not one person asked why they were handed a bag of frozen spinach. Eventually the spinach got back to the apartment owner, and he just put it back in the freezer without saying anything.
I never saw this guy again, and never could figure out why the hell he handed me a bag of frozen spinach during a drunken party. But since then I have used the phrase “pass the spinach” in reference to this perplexing party moment. I am hoping one day it will spread all over the country (the phrase, not the actual spinach). Tell your kids to use it!
Arguing with morons is moronic.
The only thing we have to fear is… pain itself, a whole lot of it.
Stolen from The Tick:
Good things come in small packages. But big things don’t.
If carrot blankets were like coasters, you would want to put drinks on them.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll never get to second base.
This is actually the title of an album from my favorite group, Atmosphere, but:
When life give you lemons, you paint that shit gold.
Another one I’ve always liked (not sure where I heard it but I’m pretty sure I didn’t come up with it): Life’s a bitch and days are child support.
Choose both, and pity those who didn’t use XOR.
It could have been Tim Brooke-Taylor, Willie Rushton or Barry Cryer…
I should have acknowledged I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. :o
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but can lead to bird shit on your hand.
The smart man buys his partner flowers after he errs as atonement; the wise man buys flowers before he errs, as insurance.
Baker’s Maxim
If I can’t take it with me, it’s not worth having in the first place.
Success is 1% perspiration, and 99% getting to the patent office before Tesla.