That fat yellow bastard on the fucking goat blowing Simpsons. “Oh, I’m so fat and so dumb, I need another beer.” Doesn’t it ever fucking get old. I wish he’d drunk drive into that ugly bitch of a wife in the opening credits and kill them both in a bloody screeching finale to that hampster cum excuse for a show, and do it in the opening credits and spare me another colorblind 30 minutes of my life. Talk about pandering to the trailer trash of the fucking world, fucking springer rip off. D’oh, your bloated festering circumsized prick and shave for once to fat lazy clown puncher.
Little tense, are we, Om? Just change the channel, or better yet, turn the idiot box off.
I’d like to throttle Prince Valiant, and the whole lame-oid cast with him. Are they still drawing Annie? She can die too. Feed her lizards til she chokes. And I wanna make a fur coat out of Slylock Fox.
Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?
Huey and Riley from the Boondocks.
That darned preacher from Kudzu. Get rid of him, and maybe Doug Marlette will be forced to think of a new joke for once.
And, although he’s not a comic-strip character…Elmo from Sesame Street. And Zoe, and all of those new little creeps who’ve walked in and taken over the whole show! I knew the Sesame Street gang, and Elmo & Co., you’re not the Sesame Street gang.
Chaim Mattis Keller
cmkeller@compuserve.com
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
Spiderman, Tarzan, Zorro, Mandrake the Magician, and all the other superhuman-type soap-opera strip heroes. Strips where nothing ever happens, just like the regular soap opera strips.
Just toss 'em all in a big deep pit and let them draw blood.
Uke
Garfield was already mentioned and I heartily agree. Don’t forget his nearly identical twin, Marvin…oh, yuck…
I am slightly nauseated just from typing the names!
Fred Basset. That fucking British mutt hasn’t yet approached entertainment from any direction.
Doonesbury. If I want to laugh at a radical leftwing cartoon, I’ll watch Geraldo.
Kill off Gallant from Goofus and Gallant. Talk about an obnoxious suck up of a child. Most of the Sunday strips can go. But I want to see Gallant die horribly.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter
Kill off Gallant from Goofus and Gallant. Talk about an obnoxious suck up of a child. Most of the Sunday strips can go. But I want to see Gallant die horribly.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter
Quincy, the little iguana in the Fox Trot series. Otherwise, Fox Trot rules!
Ziggy - What was today’s strip? Yet another life-affirming, positive message á la Oprah.
And, of course, Mark Trail.
Quincy, the little iguana in the Fox Trot series.
Both female characters on Fox Trot. Mom is funny, but if she were MY mom I’d have to commit matricide. As for Paige: she’s 14, she likes to shop at the mall, and she likes to look at boys. We get it. har har
(The male characters on Fox Trot, OTOH, add real depth and character to the strip. Roger: the hapless Everyman. Peter: What a noble lad, dating that blind girl! And Jason: The preternatural math geek. What a riot!)
Ziggy - What was today’s strip? Yet another life-affirming, positive message á la Oprah.
And, of course, Mark Trail.
Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!
<font size=4>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=5>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=6>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=7>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=4> All Straight Dopers! Come! Join us in our sacred cause! Join the ANTI-SCRAPPY DOO JIHAAD! KILL! </font.
We’re also tax deductable. 
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!
<font size=4>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=5>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=6>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=7>Scrappy Doo Must DIE!!</font>
<font size=4> All Straight Dopers! Come! Join us in our sacred cause! Join the ANTI-SCRAPPY DOO JIHAAD! KILL! </font>
We’re also tax deductable.
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
Sorry about that. MB problems. Also–too much caffene. <font size=1>Scrappy Doo Must Die!</font>
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
Omniscient, your rant almost inspired me to start a whole new thread on this, but I’ll just address it here.
I agree that some of the running gags on The Simpsons are stupid and/or silly. However, I’ve seen the show off and on for years and I notice that the humor runs the gamut from slapstick to puns to gentle parody to biting sarcasm to brilliant satire.
A little something for everyone; no wonder it is so successful.
I think it’s a pretty sharp cartoon. Sometimes there are 3 or 4 jokes on different levels going on at the same time, and they keep coming at a swift pace. Rather clever, in my humble opinion.
April Patterson in For Better or For Worse. She milked the baby talk and finger sucking schtick beyond all reasonable bounds. Elizabeth once went off on the dad, saying, “Why are you always against me and for her? I always KNEW she was your favorite!” She got sent to her room, and the subject was dropped, but it’s true; April gets away with bloody murder, and the dad definitely favors her over Elizabeth.
To be fair, I know where my bias lies. I was a late baby, just like April was, but I was definitely one of the lowest priorities in that house. I was born just when my family started to fall apart, so it burns my ass to see anyone, even a fictional character, reap the benefits of being born just when one’s family is mellowing out. But I still think April gets too much special treatment, from anyone’s perspective.
Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green
daniel: I cant believe I forgot to mention that - that - condyloma on the body of cartoondom. You are indeed a prophet, and I wish to give my body and soul to this holy war. Next Tuesday good for you?
Il vaut mieux gâcher sa jeunesse que de n’en rien faire du tout. – Georges Courteline
I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates Prince Valiant.
I annoint thee, Scarlett! Take up thy sword; go forth and slay that #%^@!^& mutt !
<font size=5>Huzzah!</font>
Save The Endangered Jackalope! Send Cash Now! If You Do This, I Will Use The Cash To Save Any Jackalope That I Happen To Find! Send Cash Now! Before It’s Too Late! My Bills, I Mean The Jackalope’s Bills Are Due The 15th Of The Month!
This has been a message from the Illuminated Committee To Save The Jackalope. Fnord.
If there is anything I can do to put an end to the unfunny essay-as-a-comic-strip “Cathy”, just let me know. Have her kill her guilt-trip mother and spend time in a prison for women, where someone is sure to slip her a shiv while she’s in the shower!
It’s also time to put “Marmaduke” to sleep!
Some cartoonists should take the better-late-
than-never high road like Charles Shultz (By that I mean they should retire their strips, not that they should all get cancer.)
Beetle FREAKIN’ Bailey!How many times are we supposed to laugh at him being pounded by Sarge?
Rich “G7SUBS”