Compounded stupidity: I am clearly too dumb to live.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My initial impulse was to put this in the Pit, the better to make use of strong to profanity curse myself out, but self-pittings are a bit déclassé, and I don’t really want to run myself down too much, so here we are.

Let me sing you a song of woe:

Woe unto me, for I miscalculated my expenses this month, requiring me to go out in the freezing rain to deposit some cash in my chequing account. Stupid Mudd.

Woe unto me, for the freezing rain numbed my fingers, requiring me to count out 20 $20 bills no less than three times before being satisfied that I had it right. Stupid Mudd.

Woe unto me, for the freezing rain numbed my mind, so that it didn’t occur to me until after the machine swallowed my envelope that 20 X 20 is actually 400, and not 300, as I had keyed in. Stupid Mudd.

Woe unto me, for I felt a right dingus as the rain puddled around me as I stood in the teller’s queue, so that I might rectify my error. Stupid Mudd.

Woe unto me, for when the teller smilingly asked to see my bank card and receipt, I had them not, as I had been so distracted by my arithmetical pratfall that I bolted from the ATM without completing my session and retrieving my card. Stupid Mudd.

Woe unto me, for the security guard assured me that the machine maketh an attention-getting beep if a card is left in it for too long without someone using it. Stupid Mudd.

:smack:

I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt this idiotic. The look on the teller’s face as I franticly emptied my pockets and wallet onto the counter made me feel about three inches high. She already knew she was dealing with an idiot that can’t count. But an idiot that can’t count and opens their bank account to the general public – well, that’s a rare and beautiful thing.

Argh. Everything’s coming apart for me right now – this really doesn’t help.

2

Larry, I’m very sorry that things are coming apart for you right now. And I want to thank you for the selflessness you’ve exhibited in telling this story, as those of us who fuck up routinely can look back and say, “Geez, at least I didn’t pull a Larry.”

Seriously, great story. Very visual. I’ve done the frantic empty-the-pockets thing so many times. Usually keys are involved.

3

Ha! You want visual? My stop before the bank was the hardware store, so in addition to the usual keys, lighter, half-dozen expired bus tickets, etc., I produced, from the voluminous pockets of my dripping oilcoat… …a toilet flapper valve.

Plunk.

Go Larry!

4

Heh. Well you did make me laugh today, so you’ve done a good deed.
At least your bank didn’t just STEAL the extra $100, as they stole my $20 when I made a deposit last week and accidentally put in an extra twenty. :frowning:

5

It could be worse. You could have gotton a flat tire.

6

That remains to be seen. The teller said that it would “automatically” be adjusted when they do their regular thing with the machine, so she didn’t do anything about that business at all. About the card, they cancelled it and will mail me a new one.

$400 dollars (my withdrawal limit) was withdrawn from my account while I stood dripping in line. If whoever maintains the machines is honest and the deposit amount is adjusted, my rent will clear – just.

As for the $400, “There will be an investigation.”

I have no idea if I’m going to be on the hook for it or not. I have a feeling that I will be. I mean, who’s fault is the whole mess? I stuck my card in the machine, put my PIN number in, and left my pants down for the next person to walk up to the machine.

I have been too pissed at myself to inquire further about what happens next, but my guess is I get my money back if the authorities manage to recover it. Sure, the whole ridiculous thing is on video. Will they be able to figure out who the person is? Are they a regular customer at the bank? If he is, he’s nearly as dumb as me.

I don’t have high hopes.

7

Larry Mudd, I made my wife, who used to work in a bank (teller on up), read your post. Neither of us knows what will happen, of course, but she said the chances of you losing anything by this fiasco are very small. Good luck, and let us know what happens.

8

You want stupid?

About 4 years or so ago I was coming home from visiting my son. Along the way, on a back road through the mountain foothills I had to take a leak so I pulled off the road in a wide spot. My hand brake cable had recently broken so I couldn’t set it so I left the car running because “it was on a level spot.”

Well, as I finished the car slowly started to roll. I’m not all that agile and it took me a while to get to the driver’s side door by which time the thing was going too fast for me to get in. I lost my balance still hanging on to the steering wheel and the car dragged me about 10’ by which time I gave it up as a lost cause. I gave the wheel a jerk to the right to take the car off the road, I hoped, and dropped off; pants torn, legs scraped etc., etc., etc. The car ran up onto an embankment, back into the road and upset on its side.

Another vehicle soon came and the driver stopped where I was standing by the side of the road. He called 911 and my son. The CHP showed up, fire trucks and an ambulance came from Hesperia and gave me the once over. I was able to tell the medics what day it was and the time of day so they didn’t insist that I go to the emergency room.

In fact, the tow truck righted my car and I drove it home which was about 100 miles. After I got home I did go over to the local urgent care center where they did that which was necessary; x-rays, general physical exam, etc.

About a year later I stopped in the same place and took a leak just to prove that I could do it without wrecking my can and winding up in the emergency room.

9

You want dumb?
gotta covered.
I live in LA. Last year I had to do a week at the East Bay (SF) office. I flew up on Sunday night, and caught a cab from Oakland Airport to the office. When it came time to pay, I reached into my wallet for my company credit card. Guess what was not there? Paid for the cab cash and started thinking. Called the wife, and no my card was not at home. I came to realize that I had left my CC in the center console of my car parked at LAX. Great. So I grabbed one of the training cars, and at 9:30PM started driving. Straight through to LAX, got my card, and headed back.
Made it back by 9AM. Thank OG I wasn’t scheduled to work in New York that week.
What a :wally I was.

10

Those last three posts made me feel a lot better in a variety of ways. Heh heh.

Thanks.

11

Not up to other’s levels of stupidity (I’ve posted those exploits elsewhere), but I have not been to the movies once in the last 8 years where I didn’t manage to lose my ticket between the ticket counter and the turnstiles. Thirty feet is all it takes folks. It’s usually in there somewhere, but damned if it doesn’t take me three minutes to find it.