This past Saturday night, “The Net” with Sandra Bullock was on TV. Besides simply being dated, it was funny to watch how many errors were made regarding computers and the internet. Here’s one quote from Mr. Cranky:
Hackers had absolutely horrible computer/internet inaccuracies. I’m talking, insanely terrible. “Check out
this laptop, it has a twenty-eight point eight bee-pee-ess modem!” <- paraphrase. Nothing necesarily wrong with a 28.8
in a laptop, but no “hacker” would ever mutter that phrase.
What sad is that it had a good soundtrack, and Angelina Jolie. Two good things going for it, and they royally messed
it up. sigh.
These are not movies, but they did may many references to the Internet:
The Pretender
Both Jarod and the people at the Centre used the net all the time to communicate, research, and make nusenses. E-mails were pretty realistic, but the fonts were way to big. Also, the ability to download info seemed unlimited. There were no speed issues. Jarod could hack into the Centre’s database and get all the info he wanted immediately. No lag time. Sorry, but that just doesn’t cut it.
The Visitor (Now off the air)
Probably the most realistic use of the net I’ve seen. He used it to hack into government servers and download lists of names. Nothing terribly fancy or unrealistic.
That ridiculous scene from Copycat in which Helen Hudson (Sigourney Weaver) sends an e-mail to … where? She doesn’t have a return address because the e-mail “Peter Kurten” sent her contained a virus that caused it to eat itself. And yet, he gets it.
Uh-huh. Damn good movie other than that, but it is such a critical part of the plot that it staggers me every time.
For question B, in Mission Impossible, Tom Cruise does a search on the net for something really common like “jobs” and gets 0 hits. That was the worse. A close second is Jeff Goldblume sending aliens a computer virus with his Macintosh Laptop.
“Good news, everyone. Several years ago I tried to log onto AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We’re online.” - The Professor from Futurama. It’s funny 'cause it’s true.
Sure, Mr. Icantgetadecentcomputersciencejobandhavetolistentoharveysraspyvoiceallday is gonna hack through the Alien O/S[sub]tm[/sub] to wipe-out the NiftyGreenSheild[sub]tm[/sub] in just a few hours. Yeah, right.
No, silly – we Mac users are trying to enlighten your species with computers that let you be more productive and have far fewer hassles! Yet your small-minded species keep going back to that obviously substandard “Windows” instead… :rolleyes:
And as a professional computer geek with over 12 years of experience, I’m resigned to the fact that every portrayal of computing in movies will be fsck’d up beyond all recognition of reality. I personally vote for the scene in Jurassic Park where the ten-year-old girl sits at the computer keyboard and exclaims, “Oh, this is Unix! I know this!” – as if it’s as trivial as playing a videotape…
I didn’t have a problem with that because I saw that movie as a two-hour-long homage to all the great (and not-so-great) sci-fi movies of history, so I sort of looked on that part as a little in-joke.
'Fraid so. It was a formulaic action flick, with lots of whistles and bells, and one or two brief flirts with adequacy. The only good work in it was Will Smith, and he was playing aginst a crap script. It wasn’t smart enough to be an homage. Now 'Evolution": That’s a proper homage to crap SF! I busted a gut laughing. Even though they forgot to make the computers look really stupid, they nailed every other stereotype and cliche cleanly.
A) Perfect Blue had not just reasonably accurate computer hardware and software (A mac Preforma 600, I think, though I’m not an expert on macs) but also a major subplot relating to a web site without screwing anything up that I noticed. They even had the “This is how you make the mouse move” conversation I’ve had about 8 million times with new users.
Actually, computer stuff is often done pretty accurately in anime, like Nene’s BAT keyboard in BGC, or Sergei’s brute force hacking in Key the Metal Idol (Though why the secret superweapon data and the buildings power are run by the same network is anyone’s guess) presumably because the people who make it are geeks . . .
b) Enemy of the State. All of it, pretty much, starting where they rotate a videotape image in 3d, and leading up to the whole “Acres of computers listening to every phone conversation since 1955” or something like that. (Evil government guys have had perfect voice recognition for decades, it seems . . . maybe the Black UN Helecopters are voice-controlled)
I hate it when movies do that, take an issue that’s scary all on it’s own, in this case information tracking and user profiling, and exagerate it to such an extent that it makes the real problem look trivial.
The Peacemaker had a doozy, which was really just very heavy-handed product placement. Clooney and Kidman had raided the computer of a Russian mobster, but the printouts they took burned up in a car crash. They’re back in their hotel room (somewhere in Eastern Europe, I don’t remember where), trying to decide what to do next.
Suddenly, Nicole’s laptop chimes in, “You’ve got mail!” She says to Clooney, “I e-mailed the files to my AOL account.”
I’m sure that AOL is the preferred communication method for all government agents on top secret missions in Eastern Europe.:rolleyes:
The Movie Laws of Computers and Electronics
[ul]
[li]Word processors never display a cursor.[/li][li]You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.[/li][li]All monitors display inch-high letters.[/li][li]High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.[/li]Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing “ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES” on any keyboard.
[li]Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing “UPLOAD VIRUS” (see “Fortress”)[/li][li]All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain’s desktop computer, even if it’s turned off.[/li][li]Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn’t go faster than you can read. The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.[/li][li]All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.[/li][li]People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.[/li][li]A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.[/li][li]Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see “Demolition Man” and countless others).[/li][li]Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.[/li][li]When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.[/li][li]If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.[/li][li]No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labelled.[/li][li]Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.[/li][li]Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.[/li][li]Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see “Alien”, “2001”, “Hackers” for a few).[/li][/ul]
There was one episode of The Adventures of Lois and Clark in which the villain was going to cripple the nation (the Internet is US-only, apparently) with a computer virus.
This virus was able to spread unnoticed throughout the country because it only contained about 20MB worth of sound and high-quality graphics (this was back when we were swapping files mainly with 1.4Mb floppies and a 28.8 modem would have made you the undisputed alpha-geek of the dormitory).
The “antidote” is protected by a password so painfully obvious that the characters guess it in only 3 tries.
Saving the world involves Superman flying a floppy with the virus “cure” to St. Louis (Internet headquarters, I presume?). As the cure spreads through America’s computers (shown in real-time on an electronic wall map), one of the computer experts exclaims “It’s debugging!”
–sublight.
Should we tell him it’s actually an Etch-a-Sketch?
