So I have an email address I don’t use much in the form of initiallastname at isp dot com that gets a fair bit of misaddressed email. Usually it’s for my apparently long lost cousins in BC, but this time it’s for someone in Calgary, a veterinary clinic sending an “it’s time for your pet’s annual checkup” message. At the end of the message, there is a confidentiality disclaimer that requires that I that I not read it. Do they think I can travel back in time or something?
“This message contains information which may be confidential and/or privileged. Unless you are the intended recipient (or authorized to receive for the intended recipient), you may not read, use, copy or disclose to anyone the message or any information contained in the message.”
There’s no HIPAA for pets. My vet likes to do annual poop checks for parasites on all the animals in her care, even indoor cats. So last week one of our cats got a post card:
LILY:
It’s time for your annual stool check!
~[vet clinic]
Post card, keep in mind. And yes, there really was an exclamation point.
Oh I know there aren’t any legal issues here. It’s just that they sent me a written message that says that I’m not supposed to read it. Has me tickled, it does.
Maybe I’m a dick, but I anytime I get an email with one of those disclaimers I forward it to a long list of people including the sender with all the email addresses displayed.
I get people’s medical records or parts thereof faxed to me all the time. Well nowadays, not so much, but when I first got my phone number, 20 years ago, it happened ALL the time. And it did have the disclaimer on it. One outfit in particular kept sending me lab results for various people, which included their social security numbers!
They had the confidentiality statement you mention, along with a whole list of stuff I was supposed to do if I got it “in error.” The first couple of times I called them. One time they told me to put the fax in an envelope and mail it back to them! (I did. I enclosed an invoice of $1 a page for the fax–which was 55 (!) pages long, which is a lot of fax ink, then I hounded them until they paid me–and even that didn’t stop them.)
I can’t read a medical record and have no interest in it. The SSNs, though…
“I screwed up. Therefore, be informed that you aren’t allowed to do what you have to have done to be so informed.”
Mmmm, no, that sounds too stuffy…
“I’m being a doofus with the trust of my patients, but they don’t know yet. If I’m jerkish to you, that means you’ll help me keep my secret from them, right? Yes, I promise on your behalf that you’ll do that.”
Actually, what might work best is to start sending the results on to the patients, but including a note explaining that you are sending the results because you aren’t supposed to be allowed to see them. The note should be worded to indicate you don’t really quite understand what you are doing, and written in crayon. Any medical information that indicates they have some embarrassing condition merits an additional note expressing concern and well wishes, in a slightly creepy overenthusiastic way.
I’d say you should cc the doctor’s office, but to do so would suggest you’re a bit more responsible and adult than we really want to portray.
One year, and only that year, I got both a (cheap) present and card and a stand-alone card.
For my birthday.
It wasn’t my birthday, or even close, and I had never heard of either sender.
My name is not common, but was in the SF phone book with full first name.
I knew of 2 others in the area with same first/last - neither lived in SF.
How do you know someone well enough to send a card, let alone a gift, without knowing where they live?
I also get VM (OK, messages on an answering machine) telling me that, if I am not this person to hang up, because they are going to divulge personal info.
Yeah, don’t listen - that will cover your ass, I’m certain.
The previous sentence has as much legal force as that disclaimer, i.e., none at all. You have not agreed to my terms and are not bound by them. No one can unilaterally impose contract terms on you unless you agree.
Back in the day I repeatedly recieved faxes from a local highschool that contained medical information about students. I called and told the school about it repeatedly but it kept happening. One day I called a woman and told her I knew her SSN and information about her daughter’s birth control. I explained how/why I knew. She was livid. Never happened again.
I’ve gotten phone calls, I assume from bill collectors, that begin with “This call is for Jane Smith. If you are not Jane Smith, please hang up now.” There’s no option to say “There is no Jane Smith here - you’ve got the wrong number.”
It hasn’t happened in a while, so maybe Jane Smith paid up.
It’s even better when the person sending the email has the whole confidentiality spiel automatically attached to any email, important or not. So them you get sent something like “LOL, check out these hedgehog videos! So cute! BTW, Lucy says Tuesday works for her.” followed by a solid paragraph of lawyerese.
The bolded bit makes a more sense with a little ellipsis:
“Unless you are the intended recipient (or authorized to receive for the intended recipient), you may not read… to anyone the message or any information contained in the message.”
It means, in addition to using, copying or disclosing the contents to anyone else, you may not read it to anyone else.
That’s not how it’s structured grammatically. The ‘to anyone…’ clause either modifies ‘disclose’ only, or it modifies the entire list of verbs. It can’t modify ‘use’ or ‘copy’ without being nonsensical, therefore it doesn’t modify ‘read’ either.