I go to a lot of workshops and stay in a lot of hotels and motels. I am so sick of the brochures and advertisments saying "Continental Breakfast Included! Well whup de friggin do!A fucking cold hard roll or doughnut and a cup of luke warm coffee ain’t breakfast from where I come from. Continental or otherwise.
Now, a syrup drenched pancake shortstack with bacon, a side order of eggs over easy with blueberry muffins and a piping hot cup of coffee AND a giant glass of cold milk, topped off by a huge chilled glass of orange juice followed by a cinnamon toothpick while reading the sports page and letting a 4 second fart into the seat cushion is my idea of a breakfast.
So take your little continental breakfast and fold it four ways then stick it up your ass while rotating it counter clockwise.
One of the hotels we stayed in during our trip had three choices of juice, teeny tiny bite size dry muffins, hard toast, and choice of three cereals (corn flakes, raisin bran, and Cherios).
I used to work at a Holiday Inn. Our General Manager came up with the idea of giving people a coupon to go across the street to Denny’s for a free breakfast bar.
My town was a little nothing burg in the middle of nowhere. The local yokels, having little else to do, would rent a hotel room. One person would rent one of our jaccuzzi rooms invite ten friends to stay over, and as soon as they heard about the free breakfast, they would call practically everyone they knew. The people would then come to the hotel, go to the front desk, and claim they were in room 221 and that they had lost their coupon. When the phones are ringing off the hook, and people are waiting at the counter to check in, the clerks didn’t question it very much. At the end of the month, my manager was always scrathing her head over the staggering ammount of coupons that had gone out compared to the number of guests that had been registered.
We went back to the cold donuts and lukewarm coffee.
Well, Rockefeller, you don’t suppose that’s your problem, do you?
It’s easy to see how you can confuse “Dan’s Route 1 Budget Motor Lodge” with the freakin’ Plaza. After all, I’m sure a tuxedoed bellboy comes out to valet park your '81 El Camino before escorting you and your lovely wife Darla across the spakling, opulent formica and plastic fern-filled lobby, and up to your charming Honeymoon Suite ($65 with coupon from the AAA book), conveniently located right across the hall from the ice and candy machines.
You want eggs and pancakes for breakfast? Call room service and they’ll be happy to bring you up whatever you want. Oh, your fine establishment doesn’t have room service? It doesn’t even have a kitchen? Then you probably shouldn’t be too surprised when they don’t serve very good food!
Here’s a tip, Moneybags: you get what you pay for. Expect the free “continental breakfast” to be worth every cent you shell out for it.
Remember, “Continental” in this case refers to Europe, and that sounds like every breakfast I’ve ever had in Europe (except Italy), minus the Russian apricot jam which is the consistency of toothpaste.
So unless you happen to come from Eastern Europe, then it certainly isn’t breakfast where you come from. Duh.
Ahhh, I remember the marvelously squishy cheese that they used to have in baskets next to the bread at my hotel in Paris. it was so delicious, and I really wish I could find it here. That with fresh bread, little tiny jars of jelly, grapes, apples and hot tea. Now, * that [\i] was a continental breakfast!
You need a hotel room in Bali, it’s just that simple. They all include breakfast, homemade, with a thermos of hot tea, fresh fruit, hard boiled eggs and toast, delivered by a beautiful smiling island dreamgirl, onto your bungalow porch moments after you choose to make your first appearance on that porch. Did I mention she’d be smiling?
The Continental Breakfast. Ah yes. Allegedly modeled after the Western European-style “breakfast”. From my many European trips, this means tooth-shatteringly-hard plain rolls, very bad coffee, and strange jams and jellies that you don’t dare use. Although, you can sometimes get yogurt and chocolate in France.
If in Lisbon, stay at the Hotel Altis downtown - the only place there that has a full, American-style breakfast buffet AND Euro-breakfast should you want it as well.
And what about those “breakfasts” served on British Air and Air France? Raw salmon and watercress for breakfast? Holy crap! I swear, on my last flight I couldn’t even identify what meat I was eating; the description escapes me now.
Nope, put me in a Bob Evan’s restaurant, and give me the Classic Sausage Skillet (2 types of sausage, eggs, fried potatoes, bacon, all for just 88 grams of fat, yes!).
I have stayed at some places with spectacularly shitty continental breakfasts. (I’m from Kentucky, dammit–if it doesn’t have gravy on it, it ain’t breakfast.)
What I hate even more, though, are the places that have a halfway decent breakfast, but serve it at obscene hours. I stayed at a place in Key West that had plenty of donuts, muffins, fruit, coffee, and the like, but they hauled it all in at 9:30 AM. This is Key West, for god’s sake–we were out drinking all night! No way in hell were we about to drag ass downstairs any earlier than 11:00, if then. We tried to get the staff to save some for us, to no avail.
Ahhhhhh, elbows, thanks for bringing back some great memories. Went to Bali and Lombok about 2 years ago and one of the best parts of the trip was breakfast. Fresh bananas, papaya, and pineapple, eggs, and the best part -Balinese coffee. Gotta love that coffee, sludge and all.
Think I’ll just sit back and dream of the tropics.
Only 2 posts and you use your second one to attack my best friend. What did you do with the first one? Cause you certainly didn’t impress anyone with the second one. Get the hell out of the Pit if you don’t agree with the topic.
