I apologize for the delay in replying. By the time I had composed the following, we had a net outage at work that prevented me from posting it, and I wasn’t able to get back to it til tonight.
First off, mazel tov to your friend on deciding to explore Judaism. I encourage everyone who asks me to consider it an opportunity to learn a lot about a wonderful five-thousand-year-old attempt to live well. Whether it proves to be the right way for her to live or not, she’ll have learned a great deal about both Judaism and herself in the process.
My own road to conversion started with a commitment to learn about Judaism on an intellectual level. I was seriously dating/informally engaged to the Jewish woman who is now my wife and mother of my kids, and it was (and is) very important to her that her kids be raised Jewish. While I at the time was a decidedly non-religious former Christian, I had begun to appreciate the value and benefit that religious faith and practice could have, and I supported this intention fully, committing to learn as much as possible about Judaism myself in order to further it. At about the same time, the local rabbinic association began sponsoring an Introduction to Judaism collective course, designed to provide a basic grounding in Jewish thought, belief, practice, and tradition for prospective converts, spouses of Jews by birth, and those born Jewish who’d had no real exposure to Judaism. The course was also intended at least partially to be a first step along the path to conversion for those interested in doing so, it being more efficient for proselytes to get the basics in a group setting than for all of the various parties to work individually with the rabbi of their choice. Most of the rabbis in town agreed to support this effort. My fiancee and I enrolled; the classes ran for 2 hours one night each week for twelve weeks. We studied the history of Judaism, Jewish belief, Jewish religious practice, and the Hebrew alphabet.
The more I learned about Judaism, the more congenial I found it. I especially appreciate the emphasis Judaism places on practice over belief; with a couple of exceptions, it’s nearly irrelevant what you believe as a Jew. What matters is your behavior as a Jew; whether or not you adhere to the mitzvot. I found the Jewish acceptance and encouragement of inquiry, questioning, and skepticism congruent with my own approach, and I considered the Jewish attitude toward other religions and peoples an especially healthy one. The emphasis on direct unmediated personal responsibility for oneself appealed to me as well; one of my main theological objections to Christianity (apart from the notion that faith alone is sufficient for salvation) was the idea that someone else necessarily had to intervene with God to “save” you.
By the end of the course, I had pretty much made up my mind to convert. Once it ended, I began meeting with a Conservative rabbi once a week for additional study and discussion. This continued for over a year (with occasional breaks for as much as a month at a time), and while that may sound onerous, I greatly enjoyed it. It provided a venue for me to learn a lot about my own beliefs in addition to learning about Judaism. In due course, subjected myself to a hatafat dam brit (I was already circumcised, thank God) and a mikvah, went before a bet din, and officially became a Jew. I’ve never regretted it for a second.
For many people, especially those who convert in the context of a marriage or prospective marriage, this can be a source of significant conflict with their own family. Many times, the decision to convert entails the modification or destruction of their most cherished hopes and dreams about what their child’s wedding, marriage, and family life will be like, and every holiday (of either religion) becomes a potential battlefield. I am extremely fortunate in having parents and family who, while very much a product of their rural Arkansas environment and upbrining, are nevertheless extremely tolerant and openminded. I have never been subjected to the disapproval and disappointment that so many Jews by choice experience from their families. I’m sure that they have felt (and still feel) some disappointment that I chose a different path from theirs (they’re all quite active in their churches – Methodist, for the most part), but they’ve never said so and never tried to bring about a confrontation on matters of belief of practice. It helps a lot that they’ve all been very fond of my wife since they first met her, both for her own considerable merits and for the positive impact she’s had on me. I really think that for my parents, having me convert to Judaism was a small price to pay for me to have straightened out my life and married someone they love so much as a daughter-in-law and mother of their grandchildren. My parents and sister in particular have gone out of their way on many occasions to learn about certain aspects of Judaism and to respect our beliefs and practices when there were potential conflicts.
Another problem that can occur for a convert is that the convert becomes more committed to their chosen religion than those who were born to it. This is particularly a problem when it happens (as it seems to in a majority of cases) in the context of a romantic relationship; if the party born to the religion were extremely deeply committed to it, they likely would not be dating someone not of the faith in the first place. This can lead to the party born in the faith feeling threatened by their partner’s newfound zeal and (in many cases) greater knowledge of the religion. There’s no magic bullet solution to this problem, any more that there are to the many other problems that beset couples; communication, understanding, and commitment to a set of common goals are as essential in this as in other areas of a relationship. Even in relations with other members of the religion who were born to it, the convert’s often greater degree of commitment can be source of irritation or resentment.
If you’re interested in recommendations of books, mailing lists, etc., related to conversion to Judaism, I’ll be happy to share my opinions. One comment on Aglarond’s post: while most Jews will welcome converts, some won’t, and any rabbi will consider it an obligation to discourage the proselyte. There are sound religious reasons for this, as well as numerous historical ones. If your friend is sincere about converting, she’ll need to be persistent.