Coolest/funniest album liner notes

What’s the neatest thing you’ve ever read in album liner notes?

From Ben Folds Five’s Whatever And Ever Amen

"This recording was made with the utmost care and professionalism. Microphones were chosen and placed in the general vicinity of each instrument in order to capture the sonic characteristics of the music performed. Each instrument was tuned before and often during the recording sessions and arrangements were rehearsed or at least discussed.

The lyrics or text were created to detract from the repetition inhernent in modern instrumental pop music. Iambic pentameter was not always an option, however, when possible, the last syllable of a line was manipulated in order to rhyme with the last syllable of the preceding line. Where this technique has served to distort the meaning of the original text, the fuzz tone of the electric bass guitar or a virtuosic drum fill has been inserted to distract the listener temporarily from the actual song.

Finally, the best takes were chosen and the others were culled and thrown away or erased, otherwise this record could have easily been hundreds of hours long; much longer than the generally accepted running time of a modern commercial recording. Every measure was taken to keep this record mistake free. The mixing engineer, Andy Wallace, who has mixed many top notch famous recording stars, often took the initiative and muted or “ducked” missed notes and unsavory textures.

The band and producer are confident that your money was well spent on an album reletively (sic) free of major sonic and music mistakes(crossed out) problems."

Also the “thank yous” say "and to the neighbors for not calling the cops on us during this was recorded (it was recorded at Ben’s house in Chapel Hill, IIRC).

And The Rutles eponymous CD. The back-story of the band is awesome and the album covers would make a FARK photoshopper proud.

I have a metal CD by a band called Inner Thought, which consists of two guitarists and a drum machine (very odd lineup for a metal band.) The liner notes read in part, “Special thanks to technology for creating a drummer that can’t talk back!”

Methinks there’s a story there…

Without saying a word, Durutti Column’s The Return of the Durutti Column sandpaper sleeve that destroyed anything shelved next to it, was pretty funny. Despite the title it was their debut album.

Boston’s self-titled first album had a long essay on the technical details of making the record. Interspersed throughout this diatribe was the simple admonition: “Just listen to the record!”

I like Peter Buck’s comments on R.E.M.'s Dead Letter Office

Can’t Buy a Thrill Steely Dan

From Nirvana’s Incesticide:

At this point I have a request for our fans. If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us - leave us the fuck alone! Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

Last year, a girl was raped by two wastes of sperm and eggs while they sang the lyrics to our song “Polly.” I have a hard time carrying on knowing there are plankton like that in our audience. Sorry to be so anally P.C. but that’s the way I feel.

Kurdt (the blond one)


It perfectly captures the mix of self-conscious dorkiness, and complete sincerity that was Kurt. Even the pretentious spelling of his name is, well, pretentiously sweet. And what’s that about “I have a hard time carrying on…”?

Aaargh, preview, preview, preview! Mods, could you fix it if you get a chance?

Years ago, when King Crimson’s greatest hits album came out (under the title "A Young Person’s Guide to King Crimson), Robert Fripp included clips of just about EVERY review Crimson ever received. Didn’t matter whether it was in Melody Maker, the New York Times, or an underground high school newspaper… if ANY publication reviewed a King Crimson album or concert from 1969-74, a clip from that review was included in the liner notes.

And a LOT of those reviews were hilarious! Robert Fripp included all the fawning rave reviews, but ALSO all the nasty negative reviews. Lots of “Fripp is a genius, and this is the most brilliant band in the history of man” raves, but just as many, “Fripp is a dweeb,and this whole album is a load of pompous, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual art-rock drivel” pans.

All in all, it made for a fun read!