…and it would be harder to think of a better word to dehumanize personnel.
About a decade ago there was a (mercifully brief) period when the word Bandwidth was in vogue, as in:
No, sorry, I don’t have the bandwidth to do that right now.
We heard that from West Coast clients. I still remember the sense of appalled shock when I heard it for the first time.
j
Another addition. When Wendys asks me if this is to go or for the “dining room.” Hehe. It is fucking Wendys… Nobody “dines” there. There are no piano players or someone coming to my table playing a violin. I “eat” at Wendys. Nobody “dines” there.
I hate when corporate big-shots want to be on a first-name basis.
Mister Surname, you sign my paychecks. You have the power to promote me, demote me, or fire me on a whim.
Pretending that we are equals is either vanity and delusion on my part, or deception and manipulation on your part.
I agree. But I think it is more of a societal battle that we are losing. I get emails from companies that say “Dear [Firstname]” I didn’t sign up for that. I didn’t tell them that it was okay that we are now first name pals. But it seems that this is just commonplace in society at large. I don’t like it, but it it seems the rule. Especially when my daughter’s boyfriend calls me by my first name. If I strangle him, I could go to jail. That is terrible. 
“Reach out”. No, you’re not “reaching out” to me, you’re about to email me because you’ve made a colossal blunder and you expect me to fix it for you.
I find it appalling that the EU has a “Better Regulation Agenda” that is about (quote): “evidence-based policy-making, designing and evaluating EU policies and laws transparently, taking into account the views of and impact on those who will be affected, and focusing on delivering where it matters the most” every time I compare it to reality as I see it.
It would be a good idea, btw, but stating the obvious is a sure sign that they are not doing it.
Wow! Every word in that statement is complete and utter corporate bullshit. Every word.
People who come up with these terms are generally useless. As in, no marketable skills. Their mindless terminology is their way of trying to make it look like they’re doing/accomplishing something. Government employees/politicians easily fit the category. And corporate lackeys. It’s a cover up for the fact that most are no-nothing morons who likely spent a couple years in University learning nothing of worldly value. But the real dumb f–ks are the ones that go along with the facade.
All a rather sad, pathetic group trying to save their job. These are the ones that decree Christmas must start the day past Thanksgiving.
It makes me think of what we called ‘the salesman’s walk’. It’s hilarious. When a salesman (or woman) walk through the workplace they do so at top speed. Walking so fast you think they’ll tip forward onto their face. It’s to make it look like they’re really busy and important (self important maybe). We’d laugh & shake our heads. It’s the only way to deal with these types. Feel sorry for them.
They use the word “and” four times, the only word there that is not complete and utter corporate bullshit when taken out of context, but somehow they manage to make even that sound like bullshit. Aren’t they great?
PS: And I like and am in favour of the EU. Mostly. All things considered. Just imagine what the detractors might do with that kind of statements…
Two cringe worthy openers:
In order to reduce costs and improve efficiency we will …
It is not the policy of the company to … however…
Even by your definition, many of the people in a hotel are guests, not customers. Many aren’t paying at all. Either their employer has paid their way, or they’re traveling as someone else’s guest, or they’re just there for a convention or party or something.
I’m no spring chicken, and I can never remember even one time that I’ve heard a hotel refer to its guests as “customers”. It just sounds weird to my ear.
A few years ago, there was an incredibly irritating CEO fad about obsessing over verbs. Proposals should be centered around verbs. Products should be specified using mostly verbs. Employee performance appraisals should be verb-centric. We don’t deliver solutions. We solution ideas.
Which makes me entirely confused as to why we also have to put up with the exact opposite of this phenomenon: nouning of verbs. We don’t ask how much do we spend, we ask how big is the spend? Actually, we don’t even ask questions anymore… now we service the ask.
The last two sentences of that are nauseating.
Are you experiencing the ill?
:flees:
However, when the term guest is used in hospitals…
I would love to see that!
Oh yeah, “solutions,” I hate that one. I don’t want to buy a solution, I want to buy a product. I always read “solution” as “upsell.”
Then they always go and use it wrong, too. “What solution are you looking for?” That is not the question, the question is “What problem are you trying to solve?” And that is only a question if I’m coming to you with a problem that I think your products might be able to solve, rather than already knowing you have a product I simply want to buy.
“How much for the server that will hold 12 3.5” drives?"
“Hmm, what solution are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for a solution to how much that server costs.”
“Have you considered one of our expandable RAID solutions?”
“No, because that doesn’t tell me how much the server costs.”
I agree. And it particularly irks me when I’m dealing with doctors (physicians, I guess I should clarify, given that there’s been a bit of a kerfluffle lately over who gets to use “doctor”).
Every time I’ve been hospitalized, or even in the ER, some doctor I’ve never seen before has walked into the room, picked up my chart, and said something like “so, [firstname], how’s the [broken limb or whatever] feeling?”
If I look at the ID badge on his belt or shirt and say “well, Bob, it feels like crap, now that you mention it,” said doctor invariably gets bent out of shape.
As to daughters and boyfriends, that’s kind of age and circumstance dependent, wouldn’t you say? When I first met my now-wife’s father, I was forty-eight years old. Really, that relationship was never going to be anything other than on a first-name basis.
Under very specific circumstances, “customer” bothers me. I work at a large public university. Along with the academic departments we also have service departments. Some time ago the service departments started to refer to everybody else as “customers.” We are not your “customers,” we are your colleagues. We have the same employer, our paychecks are signed by the same person, and I’m not even paying you with an internal transfer in most cases.
Don’t tell me that it’s your department’s creed that “the customer should always leave satisfied.” I’m asking you to repair something that the university pays for as a public good to all departments, that just happens to be broken over here. You’ll fix it because it’s your job to maintain that system.
The reason it bothers me is that I associate “customer” with “let’s try to extract as much money as we can.”