A friend of mine jokingly suggested that I should consider some form of ultra secretive government agency since “You’re intelligent, you think fast, you lie with absolute ease when you need to, you’re good with a gun, you have no wife or significant other, no kids, no family you speak with… lose weight and get in shape and you’d be perfect”. She has a point, I suppose, but I think I’d miss my dogs too much to serve the country as an international man of mystery.
Do you think you could, assuming you were in physical condition to do so, work for the CIA or some other agency where nobody, not even your family or closest friends, could know what you really do for a living (and where even if they knew what your job was they couldn’t know even the slimmest details)? I recall reading that a wildly disproportionate number of higher level CIA employees are either
1- never married
2- divorced
3- married to another Company employee
all because it’s almost impossible to have a successful marriage with the unannointed. Do you think you could do it (i.e. spend your day planning how to take out the Prime Minister of Belarus with flesh-eating toothpaste and then pick the kids up from soccer practice and introducing yourself to the new neighbors as a Geico Claims Adjustor?). Would the secrecy thrill you or drive you absolutely nuts?
I think I’d love it. I don’t think I’m likely to be courted, but I think I’d love it. (I wonder if the CIA has a “don’t ask/don’t tell” policy? Or if Joe Wilson is an operative? I still hope that one day it’s revealed that Novak “slipping in his shower” deserves the quotation marks.)
Do you have anything in your past that could remotely be thought of as shady? Anything you wouldn’t want seen splashed across the front page of the NYT? Unless you are beyong blackmail, I don’t think it’ll work out.
No. I can’t keep a secret. If I lost my senses and had wild, crazy sex with a 22-year-old college cheerleader, I’d be so excited I’d rush home and tell my wife all about it. If Iworked for the CIA, our great nation would be a smoldering ruin within a week.
Yeah, sure, I could be a spy. I’d make a great spy. Why, I wouldn’t ever give…
(whipsnap)
Abby: Yes sir, what do want to know?
Unknown Assailant: Where does your mother live?
Abby: 222 Primrose Lane, knock twice
UA: And do you have siblings?
Abby: Oh yeah, Sis lives at 555 Mockingbird Lane, Bro lives at 222 Karen Valentine Lane
UA: Anything else you want to tell us?
Abby: Umm, you can have my first born child, okay?
The secrets would drive me up a wall. My boyfriend got initiated into the Masons last night and I just cannot stand that he can’t tell me anything about it! Half the time I watch a movie by myself, I’ll end up watching it again with somebody else just to force them to watch ti so I can discuss it.
I’m a tall, broad-shouldered man, so I’d stand out in a crowd. Spies have to be non-memorable. I look too good in a trenchcoat and a fedora to be non-memorable.
I’m non-violent. Punching and killing folks is just not my style. Getting punched and killed sucks, too.
Spies, like private detectives, spend a lot of time waiting for things to happen. Screw that.
Bedding the compliant Bond girls would be cool, but half of them conk him on the head. :eek:
