Lets say you’re of average build, and you’re buried alive in a standard coffin 6 feet under. Would you be able to dig yourself out, without kung fu training (a la Kill Bill 2) and are’nt a Vampire (a la Cassidy in Preacher)?
Would you run out of air beforehand, or would the soil be too heavy to shift?
These are the kind of things that go round my head when i’m trying to sleep at night…
Since the last time this question came up (a few months back), I inadvertently spoiled some of Kill Bill 2, I’ll just provide a link to the relevant thread.
But basically, dirt can be heavier than you think, and 4 cubic meters (about the amount over a standard 6-feet-under grave) is a lot of dirt.
Plain dirt can weigh more than a ton per cubic yard, and unlike digging a hole, where you lift a shovelful at a time and throw it aside, you would have to push through it all and push it behind you like swimming through water. Good luck.
I was just reading a week or so ago (I forget where) that in some parts of the US, graves are required to be no deeper than 18 inches from the surface (IIRC, California was one state with this lax standard). If the prospect of clawing your way out of a coffin and grave factors into your life decisions, you may want to move to California.
I think that here in Michigan vaults are required. If a vault is what I’m thinking it is (big concrete box?), then you have bigger problems than a little bit of dirt.
It’s not going to work, whichever way you slice it.
First off, the embalming process, now rather common in many parts of the world, will kill you, but lets say they forget that bit, or you somehow miraculously survive it…
Next problem: the coffin lid is screwed down - even an ordinary timber coffin is going to be very hard to break out of - if you had some room to take a run or swing at it, you might be able to kick the lid off, but you don’t have much room at all and even if you did, you can’t kick the lid off because there’s a ton of dirt stacked on it. Oh, the lid is probably padded a bit too, which doesn’t help. Or maybe the coffin is actually made of stainless steel or lined with lead, in which case you’re screwed.
No matter; suppose you somehow manage to break a hole in the lid; your next trouble is actually a couple of simultaneous problems, namely:
-You need to move from a cramped, horizontal space into a vertical tunnel, through a hole in the coffin lid that is large enough to let you turn the corner, but small enough that the soil above doesn’t just trickle in and fill the coffin around you.
-You need to dig the tunnel up to the surface and you need somewhere to put the spoil you’re digging out.
If the soil is loosely compacted and dry, digging will be easier, except that it will tend to just crumble in on you and smother you
If the soil is damp clay, it’s less likely to collapse in on you, but it will be much harder to dig and to transport back to the foot of the coffin (the only place you’ve got to put it).
Never mind though, let’s suppose you manage to get started tunnelling upward, somehow. Now you’ve only got to worry about six teeny tiny problems:
[ul][li]You won’t be able to pack the spoil below you as tightly as it was when you dug it out, so your tunnel can only get smaller as you move upwards[/li][li]If the fill is at all loose, it will settle about you and trap you anyway[/li][li]Your oxygen supply is limited.[/li][li]A few short hours ago, you were mistaken for a dead person, so you’re not exactly on top physical form[/li][li]It’s completely and utterly dark; come to think of it, that is a problem for every other stage in the process[/li]Even if you do somehow manage to claw your way to the surface, you’re going to look a real mess; filthy, bruised, bleeding, gaunt, clammy with sweat, wearing tattered clothes and probably unable to speak much more than moans and croaks; the moment you get your head and maybe one grasping arm clear of the surface, some bystander (preconditioned by movies such as Dawn of the Dead etc) is quite likely to freak out and beat the fuck out of you with a shovel.[/ul]
Oh Mangetout, your post just gave me the biggest laugh of the day! Thank you. 
Kudos to Mangetout, irrefutable logic and damn funny too!
rainy
Additional helpful hints:
Am I the only one that get seeeriously creeped out by the thought of being buried alive?
Reading Mangetout’s post made my stomach turn over.
Actually, if anything I’d say this charming discussion of being buried alive is causing me to give cremation more consideration. At least that gets it over quickly (I would think).
Although the best bet seems to be donating your body to medicine. You’d probably end up as a sample cadaver for some med students to disect. I only hope they’ll have done their homework and will know how to tell a live body from a dead one.
Speaking of which, [hijack]does anyone know if it’s possible to get a tatoo after you’re dead? (I guess it would depend on how fresh the corpse is – and how much your next-of-kin would be willing to pay the tatoo artist.) I’m thinking maybe I’ll go with something like “I’M NOT DEAD YET, YOU IDIOT” in big block letters across my chest. And then I’ll donate the body to medicine.
Of course, I don’t suppose I have to wait until I’m dead to get the tatoo. Might raise a few eyebrows, though. :dubious:[/hijack]
I wonder if a cell phone would be of use?
From Snopes http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/buried.htm :
The Discovery Channel series Mythbusters touched on this, though they were investigating how long a person buried alive could stay that way. Their test coffin (containing one of the show’s hosts) collapsed under the weight of four feet of dirt, so if you were buried alive and your coffin cracked open and you weren’t suffocated on the spot, maybe you could claw your way to the surface.
If this is true it’s not the case in all of California. My grandfather’s funeral was a few years ago and part of the tradition is that the family helps to fill in the grave, so I can say for sure that the top of the coffin was several feet deep, not 18 inches.
So what are your chances if, rather than attempting to batter the lid off a coffin, you attemted to break through the vertical boards at the head or foot, and then tunnel up at an angle? Any better?
Probably not, as you’d still encounter many of the other problems I mentioned above, plus a new one; you’re tunnelling through packed soil instead of recently-dug infill.
And you might disturb the neighbors. Some of those neighbors may have been residing there for a while… :eek:
No.