[QUOTE=Shayna]
Once she legally adopted him, she stopped getting state money for his care, which means all his food, clothing, medicine, school supplies, etc., were coming out of her pocket. She understood and accepted that burden. Why should she now have to stop paying child support just because “the bitch (state) lied”? She still has a child that she took on legal responsibility for and I contend that she should live up to that obligation, even if she can’t continue to raise him in her own home.
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I’ve been following this thread with great interest because a similar situation happened with my college roommate and her husband. It was an out-of-state private adoption where private adoption is legal. It was private for a number of factors, the biggest factor being the extreme emotional and psychological issues surrounding the child which was withheld from my roommate and her husband until it was certain they’d sign the papers. They are people of very modest means. Had they signed the papers, they would’ve gone bankrupt very quickly paying for his care out-of-pocket. The state in which they reside would have nothing to do with the child’s care because the child was considered a legal resident of his home state. The only recourse in the child’s home state was to institutionalize him.
My college roommate and her husband ran the gamut of every emotion possible, from guilt to despair to remorse that they couldn’t do anything to help the child while he wreaked havoc on everyone and everything in his path. If there’d been any way to help him, financial or otherwise, they would’ve done so.
It’s been awhile since I’ve talked with them, so I don’t know if they’ve maintained the contact they had started once they stopped proceedings. The child was institutionalized, btw.
[QUOTE=col_10022]
There are ways to control some of the risks, I’d hate to say this but if your adopted child is a source of headaches, the knowledge that this isn’t your child makes a difference for a lot of people. I see some adoptive parents love their problem children unconditionally and I see others who wish they could turn back the clock. I am at the age where a lot of my friends and acquantances have adopted children. A lot of them use adoption “consultants” to help them with the adoption process. Most of them end up adopting girls from China because the “one child” policy has flooded orphanages with the unwanted female children of otherwise perfectly normal healthy parents who want a son. On the whole these kids are all fairly healthy and do as well as their peers in school, they don’t look quite like their adoptive parents but there are so many adopted Chinese girls at these private schools that it doesn’t really become an issue. One friend wanted to adopt a white child to make things easier on themselves and they tried to find some pregnant teenager from the midwest that wanted to give up her child but they couldn’t locate one, so they adopted from Eastern Europe. It turns out that the boy’s mother drank a lot of alcohol during pregnancy and has severe disciplinary problems (he has been kicked out of school because he routinely beats up other kids at school (sometimes pretty severely) and never pays attention in class). When we get together, you can tell, these parents wish they could make their adoption decision over again and go for the Chinese girl.
Its sad that some kids are just broken, but they are. When they are your flesh and blood, you go to the ends of the earth and ruin yourself financially and emotionally pursuing the slim hope that you can fix them. When they are not your flesh and blood, its harder to forsake all else for this one child.
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People shouldn’t adopt if they’re not prepared to go to the ends of the earth. Adopting a human being is not the same thing as adopting a pet. Sure, they look really cute when you go to pick them up, but every child will develop some problems later on in life, especially during teenage years. Be they behavioral, physical, or otherwise. Is there such thing as a perfectly smooth childhood? It doesn’t matter how broken they are when you get them, even perfect kids can go downhill fast.
Some things were hidden from this woman, and now she realizes her adopted kid is an emotional freak. Well, shit happens. He could have been a perfect angel that got hit by a bus and became paralyzed, and she’d still have to care for him. She took the risks when she signed the papers. Life is a bitch sometimes. You can’t always run.
[QUOTE=Shayna]
I stand corrected in my assumption – thank you. And if it is the case in Virginia, and Mrs. Briggs continues to receive financial assistance for this boy’s care even after his adoption, that brings up the question as to whether she’d still be receiving it even though he’s no longer in her physical custody, and while she’s being charged $427 a month by the state for his support.
Either way, I still hold the same position; she accepted full parental responsibility for this child, knowing at least to some degree that he came with a set of serious emotional, psychological and physical problems. Now that the worst has played out, even though she must institutionalize him because of his problems, she is not absolved of her parental responsibilities.
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I don’t blame her for doing what she is doing. Either way, it is painful decision. I’d be curious as to whether Virginia pays financial assistance for the child once he is adopted, but I tend to doubt it considering every thing else I know about the Commonwealth.
Here, the Commonwealth of Virginia had a duty to inform the woman as to what she was getting into. If the state knew that this child was dangerous and a potential menace to other children then they needed to tell the woman.
[QUOTE=Caffeine.addict]
Here, the Commonwealth of Virginia had a duty to inform the woman as to what she was getting into. If the state knew that this child was dangerous and a potential menace to other children then they needed to tell the woman.
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Exactlly. That was crux of my roommate/husband’s case I discussed in my last post. They won.
[QUOTE=Carnick]
People shouldn’t adopt if they’re not prepared to go to the ends of the earth. Adopting a human being is not the same thing as adopting a pet. Sure, they look really cute when you go to pick them up, but every child will develop some problems later on in life, especially during teenage years. Be they behavioral, physical, or otherwise. Is there such thing as a perfectly smooth childhood? It doesn’t matter how broken they are when you get them, even perfect kids can go downhill fast.
Some things were hidden from this woman, and now she realizes her adopted kid is an emotional freak. Well, shit happens. He could have been a perfect angel that got hit by a bus and became paralyzed, and she’d still have to care for him. She took the risks when she signed the papers. Life is a bitch sometimes. You can’t always run.
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People shouldn’t have KIDS unless they are prepared to go to the ends of the Earth. However, in this case, I’m not sure that what she is doing is wrong. Supporting this kid means not going to the ends of the earth for the other children in her life.
If your biological 13 year old was a habitual sex offender of children and you had grandchildren and another small child in your care, what would you do?