Cranky's List of Hosebags and Fucking Idiots (You can have one too!)

The BBQ Pit
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A list, that is. Here is the thread for it.

My list:

(1) Those fuckers at LendingTree.com. Long story short: when we applied for a loan, they had some cool offer for a free gift certificate. I recently asked why we hadn’t recieved it yet even though we closed on our mortgage some time ago. They replied with a list of requirements that stopped just short of sending in a DNA sample and the severed hoof of a silver unicorn.

(2) The goddamn gougers at the Direct Marketing Association. Get this: if you want to get your phone number added to their “Do Not Call” list, you can inform them by web or by mail. BUT–the web form costs $5 for processing! Right! It’s $5 more work for them to download your info off the web instead of having someone tear open the envelope and transcribe it.

Only here’s what’s even funnier. EVEN if you’re going to mail it, they have you fill out a web form and then print it. They assign you a tracking number, which is included in the address as a “Dept #”. Thus, I strongly suspect all they do is pull up your web entry via the tracking number–they don’t even have to open the envelope. Then they have all the information, the same information they had all along, the information they tried to get you to pay $5 to have it read right away.

Clearly this is meant to (a) discourage people from taking the trouble to eliminate their name at all and (b) make a little money off people who do. It has nothing to do with processing costs. Ratfuckers.

(3) Legislators, newspaper editors, parents, and high school students who think they have the right, the knowledge, the qualifications to determine who deserves a place in our freshman class and what exactly it means to be qualified and who is to blame when someone doesn’t get admitted. Fuck off the lot of you. A good lot of it is thinly-veiled racism. If you were so fucking worried about places in the freshman class, you’d squawk harder about all the non-residents we let in, or bitch about, say, the fact that the music school takes up some places. Or for fucks’ sake how about ATHLETES. Or you’d write your goddamn legislators to give the place more money so they could expand the class so precious little Johnny or Susie could get in. If one more neurotic little shit blames a black kid for his rejection letter, I’m going to shriek. This is just a random annoyance; there hasn’t been anything lately to trigger this.
God do I feel better. I’m going to go have a cookie.

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Note to self: Check hosebag inventory, see if I need any new ones.

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To the Fucknuggets in charge off ATT Cable

I understand scheduling can be a bitch sometimes. So I can relate to a four hour window for repairs. Really I can. Now that we have that established, don’t you think you could maybe oh SHOW THE FUCK UP! What you think I have nothing better to do that wait for your symphlitic monkey boy to finish scrathing his ass so the I can watch something other than the putrid shit they call network TV. No offense to timely installers.

Albertsons

I do most of my shopping at the indepent market across the street from my house. Know why? No really guess. It’s called service you ass nuggets. I go to Albertsons, there are about nine employees outside collecting buggies. Go inside there are two, yes two cashiers. Who the fuck manages this store, Carrot Top? Is the fact that the the line is rapidly approching the meat section not getting through the fog you call a brain? Maybe just maybe I don’t want to spend the rest of my day watching the guy in front of me head explode because he rapidly trying not to lose it.

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Just this past Tuesday, we got one of those recorded “confirming your appointment for service” messages on our voicemail, regarding a visit from the technician scheduled for Wednesday.

We had scheduled no such appointment.

See, we’d been having problems with our digital cable boxes. When they were installed eight months ago, we were told by the technician that we were in the upgrade area, and we wouldn’t have to have the boxes connected to a phone line; the regular coax cable would do the job. Fine, several months of (mostly) uninterrupted service.

Then they went out unexpectedly. Not the bill, not a service outage; just off. We call in for assistance, and are told that because our boxes are “nonresponsive,” they’ve been deactivated. We ask why. Well, they say, apparently the maintenance people tried to send some sort of code over the line, and didn’t get a response; are your boxes hooked up to the phone line? No, we say, we were told it wasn’t necessary. Oh, that’s wrong, says the tech. I call back the next day, because the after-hours tech doesn’t sound too well informed, and am told the same information. Okay, goddammit, I’m taking a half day off work to wait for the guy. In the meantime, can you please turn our goddamn boxes back on? Hem, haw, okay.

So on the day the tech shows up (mostly on time, even, thank Cecil), he putters around, looks at stuff, seems to know what he’s doing. I tell him about the phone-line thing, and that the original tech said we didn’t need it. “He was right,” says the new tech. WTF? So why did the customer-service people…? “Dunno,” says this tech, “but you don’t need a phone line. In fact, it seems like the problem is actually with the wiring between the house and the street, so it’s our problem.” Really! sez I; that’s good news. “Yep, we can come back and fix it without needing you here.”

Two weeks passes. Cue the “appointment reminder” message.

We call in and patiently explain the whole goddamn story to the customer-service person. After many minutes, we convince this new individual (1) to log our call, so when the tech guy shows up the next day he won’t be surprised when we aren’t there; and (2) that we won’t be charged a “service fee for absence” if it turns out they have to come into the house after all.

Goddamn monopoly.

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And while we’re on AT&T…

When I signed up for cable modem service a while back, I was informed by the rep that if I purchased my own modem, my monthly charge would be about $8 a month cheaper. I much prefer one-time payments to getting a monthly screwing over, so I went out and bought one (for about half the price she said it would cost). So, last week I was on the website for an unrelated issue, and see a notice that the monthly service price is going up by $7…only for those customers with their own modems!! Bastards.

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I’m just checking in to make sure I’m not on Cranky’s list.

Love ya, babe. :smiley:

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UUUGH

NO NONONONONONON

The price of service is going up by the SAME AMOUNT for everybody;

but the price of MODEM RENTAL is going DOWN.

Which is really quite fair, since after 3 years at $10 a month. . . heh.

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Cranky said:

[emphasis mine]

A-fucking-men!!! I get so tired of that particular bullshit, I don’t know what to do. Cranky, you rock. :smiley: [sub]I’m also glad I’m not on your shit list. [giggle][/sub]

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Gah! This season just ended for me, and now the season of “But my child deserves a private room, with bath, in the most desirable residence hall” has begun. We have a very, very tiny number of single rooms, and they are reserved for students who happen to have disabilities that profoundly effect their living requirements, such as having a guide dog. I had one parent who told me it wasn’t FAIR that we gave such a room to a student who needed very special bathroom modifications, when her precious son didn’t like his roommate, and thus needed a private room. I could go on and on about this – I highly doubt the first student’s parent thinks it is FAIR that her daughter has been confined to a wheelchair since she was five.

Ms. Prissy Parent went on to say that it was awful that I was putting her in a situation where she has to lie to create a disability for her son so that he could get a private room. Let’s review that statement – I am putting her in a situation where she has to LIE about a disability that her son in fact does not have? Newsflash: college dorms are not hotels. If your son needs a luxury private suite, I will give you the number of The Plaza, and I’m sure they will be happy to tell you their rates.

PS: Have fun lying. Do not think for a second that I did not make note of your comment so that every single other person you might talk to, from his RA to the Dean of Students, will see it.