Crash!

So you’re bopping along on the computer, you’ve been sitting there so long you’re starting to grow mushrooms on your butt. You’ve got about thirty windows open and running at the same time. You’re writing ten different stories, masterpieces in your opinion. You’re doodling with Sound Forge, creating some really great stuff. You’ve got about thirteen songs that are almost done, and all of them are completely original. These ones might actually make you some money. You’ve got your financial records for the last month, all ready to be sent off to the IRS (it took you hours to pad it properly). Your “The Civilization Strikes Back” campaign is about to coming to fruition. And you’ve finally gotten Global Thermo-Nuclear War to DefCon 2. When suddenly, you realize, you haven’t saved anything in… you don’t know how long. No question about it though, it’s been far too long. Your finger twitches. Your eyes glance to the menu bar. But it’s too late. The message glares across your screen like the words of God. Ha, God, yeah right. If only you were so lucky.

ERROR READING FILE: HFNZ.EXE

“Oh… sweet… jesus… no!” you mutter to yourself. You’ve seen this error message before. You have no idea what it means, but it’s never good. The sky is falling, and you’re about to see how mean a fluffy white cloud can get. “Maybe there’s time to save all this and reboot before… before… IT!!!” you plead to yourself, but that’s laughable. Still you feel, for some misguided reason, that there may be hope. And you race against the avalanche. You’re saving files like a mad. Your hand has never moved so quickly. You’re hitting Alt+Tab and Ctrl+S as fast as your fingers can move. But the error messages are popping up even quicker, with that red “X” like a portal into the gaping maws of hell, or the eye of Lucifer on a bad day. You done screwed up now Billy Bob. But still you persevere. You feel like Indiana Jones running from the boulder. Except that Harrison Ford never screamed like a little girl, and his pants stayed pretty much clean, or at least the insides did. There’s a light up ahead. But your computer is only getting annoyed by your futile resistence. And then you see it.

**A FATAL SYSTEM ERROR HAS OCCURED IN FILE STZK.EXE

       TERMINATE?**

“What the hell is STZK.EXE?” you scream. But it’s useless. Rabid gremlin-buzzards are already feasting on your hard drive’s rotted entrails. Your only option now is to click “OK”, as your shining sliver of hope is seared away by the Blue Screen of Death. Oh well, you needed to get some sleep anyway.

I have no idea what that is, but last week a co worker sent me an email at my home addy and sent a lovely virus along with it that screwed up all my files. I had to totally clean out and start over which sucked because I am typical and hadn’t backed up in a while.

Nah, there ain’t no virus involved in this one. At least I don’t think so. My computer is just basically evil by nature.

Unless of course that “Makeyourcomputerevil.zip” was a virus.

Been there, done that.

Well good Luci, I’m glad somebody has. Any more trouble, and I’m gonna see if this computer can fly.

Or you could just take it to a used computer store. Pass the buck to someone else.

I’m currently 3307kB through a 7804kB download. It’s taken me half an hour to get this far. Now it’s hanging. Just…sitting there. Thank you, Uncle Bill.

I think we should file a class action suit against Evil Bill for millions of hours the public has wasted waiting on his crappy software to reboot.

No, I don’t think Bill is to blame for this one. I think this is obviously the work of Satan. Unless Bill is Satan, which might explain a few things.

Okay, just saw the news. Bill is definitely Satan.