Crazy Sh!t You Wish You HAD Done!

Years ago when I owned a pick up, I had this idea to really unhinge the drivers in Nashville. One of my friend’s at the time was a 6’ 4", 350 lbs, blond haired, blue eyed flaming queen of an opera singer who went by the name of “Bingo.” I wanted to put spikes in his hair, have him naked from the waist up, covered in gold paint, strap him in the back of the pick up (standing up), put floodlights on him, then drive down the interstate (after dark, of course) with the soundtrack to What’s Opera, Doc? blaring out of the speakers at full volume, while Bingo acted it out.:eek: Never could quite get the money up to get the gear needed to do that, though.

Many years ago I thought a great practical joke would be to get my friend’s big white van, some biohazard suits, and a 55-gallon drum of green jello and drive into a public area. There we would find a nice visible spot, ‘accidently’ dump the jello out onto the highway, and stare at it for a few minutes arguing before driving away, leaving it behind.

Stupid and dangerous at the best of times, today it would be a good way to guarantee you never see sunlight again.

I had a plan to hold a drinking party, drive the one who passed out into the woods, wrap them in blankets so they wouldn’t freeze, and camp in the trees with camcorders until they woke. Obviously the idea was to scare the person by placing them into an unfamiliar environment and tape their reaction.

Originally the plan included wiping mayonnaise and ketchup on their ass. I decided against this, and thought it’d be best to place heaps of cooked and uncooked frankfurters on the ground.

I plan to do this someday, and am waiting for a digital camcorder to come my way so I can distribute it on KaZaA. I would enjoy if someone copied this idea and shared it with me.

There’s a big, steep hill a few miles from where I live, where I would have like to have taken my old water heater. How fun it would have been to watch it tumble 500 feet or so down a 60-degree slope, where it would have landed down in a deep ravine (and yes, I would have wanted to get the event on video for posterity).

When I was a senior in HS I lived in OKC. (Oklahoma City) I was going to spend the night at a friends house and we went out driving around in my car. We spotted some hitch-hikers on the HYW and we gave them a ride. (One was cleary a girl) Turned to be a boy/girl couple who were hitch-hiking from Michigan to Dallas to go to a big party that was going on that weekend. Now it was Friday night and my friend lived with his grandparents who were already in bed. We could have left them a message that we were staying at my house and we wouldn’t be missed for about 24 hours. I looked my friend in the face and I knew he was thinking what I was thinking. ‘Should we just drive to Dallas and go to this party?’
But we didn’t.

Up until I was twelve or thirteen, there was an undeveloped plot of land about half a mile from my house. One side of it bordered the street, which was about fifteen feet above the ground level. This left a fairly steep dirt hill leading into a vast expanse of fairly soft looking dirt/sand. I always wanted to ride a bicycle down it, but by the time I was competent enough of a rider (or stupid enough) they had built something there, and it wasn’t worth crashing into bouganvilla plants on a fence.

And then there’s my friend’s desire to roll his truck, but that’s another story

I saw a program on lightning, with lightingologists using rockets trailing thin wires to trigger strikes. “Yay!” I thought, “That looks superbly dangerous and impressive, I shall conjure thunderbolts from the very air, I shall be as Zeus himself!”

So me and a friend start building and practicing with rockets - good fun in itself, trying to lay out wire so it would run freely, and finding a non-conductive triggering method so we could be as far away as possible from the launch.
Then a rather obvious flaw emerged - we couldn’t work out how to be under the path of a thunder-cloud in time to set up the gear. In the prog I had seen the weather-boffins were on top of a mountain in the US which had electrical storms passing over it all the time, they just had to wait for the lightning to come to them.

There doesn’t seem to be anything like that in the UK (and we sure as shit weren’t about to get on a plane or ferry or euro-tunnelly thing loaded down with rockets and wire and remote trigger mechanisms to visit whichever Alp had the right weather patterns)

Then my friend got married, and started having kids - so the idea basically got dropped.

But, Damn – the idea of controlling something as awesome as lightning, how many people have experienced that! (and how many stayed alive?)
(Well I’ve still got a 1.7Km spool of Army surplus guided-missile control wire sat on a shelf…. someday…. someday….)

Mine is something that happened when I was staying in halls of residence in my first year at University, and when I head I really really wish I had thought of, and done, it.

The scenario is there is a chap who goes out and gets totally leathered every night and stumbles back into hall, finds his room on the ground floor and falls into bed. Friends who come around to pick him up arrange to unlock his window without him noticing before leaving together. Other friends in on the gag, enter his room unlock the door from the inside and remove all his belongings from his room, rearranging them in mirror image right outside his bedroom window, rugs down on the grass, book case and desk the lot, with the standard lamp on the end of an extension lead illuminating the whole show.

Drunk guys gets home, totally plastered, mates tip off the audience. Drunk guys enters room, turns light on, looks confused, sees open window with his room, climbs out of window, takes random clothes off and goes to bed.

Apparently he only realised something was not right when he awoke a few hours later needing to pee…

A fantastic, non harmful prank I thought. Genius.

I had a red Taurus wagon on it’s last legs just about the same time the state was rebuilding the Interstate highway through my town. The highway had these really narrow single lanes walled in on each side with Jersey barriers, so it was like a five-mile bobsled track.

I really, really wanted to buckle my seatbelt, keep my hands in my lap, and just hit the gas down that concrete tube - never touching the steering wheel, just letting the sides of the car shower sparks as it bumped it’s way down the barriers. Damn, that would have been a helluva ride. Unfortunately, the transmission in the Taurus crapped out before I had the chance.

I was at a charity event two weeks ago attended by a few hundred people. There was a draw for prizes afterwards, I put mine and my girlfriends names in it. They draw names and read them out, you have to be present to win.

I was thinking, I should have used the names “Mike Hunt” and “Ben Dover”. But I didn’t…

Another gag I was going to do (and still may) is to post an add in AutoTrader or Buy & Sell (a couple of local puplications where you post pictures and descriptions of things for sale). I was going to take a picture of a smoking car, and put a ridiculously low price tag on it, and put my buddies phone number on it. So he would have to field a few hundred phone calls on this dummy add!

One day…