Indigo[sup]tm[/sup] is tall with a deeply feminine figure, eyes that change from sepia brown to hazel to emerald green, and long brown hair[sub] *when she doesn’t impulsively hack half of it off[/sub]. She comes with a variety of outfits, from preppy chic in pastels to a spin on punk in jewel tones to goth in reds, violets and black. In specially marked packages you can also collect the Wench and Vampire outfits. Her special features are a seductive smile, biting wit, laser eyes and Kung-fu grip[sup]tm[/sup]. Watch out, this figure may be very appealing at first, but is a bit of a chicaner with a taste for mischief.
The racinchikki action figure would be 6" tall to match the little plastic Bill Elliott, Terry and Bobby Labonte, and Mark Martin action figures I have on my racinstuff shelf back at my parents’ house (only they’re solid plastic, rather poorly molded too, and I’d be like a very short Barbie, with more realistic proportions). Comes in a blue and white firesuit with neon-green trim, little Bandolero helmet with changable visors and a blue-flame design painted on it. Other outfits are available, including western shirts and cowboy boots/hat, wide-leg cargo jeans and t-shirts with a wise-ass sayings on them, and various articles of clothing that originally went with the Gunslinger action figure. A wide variety of cars can be purchased separately, from NASCAR and CART racers to Nash Metropolitans and Hudson Hornets.
Oh, and the racinchikki figure would have Magic Color-Change Hair. Dip the shoulder-length dark blonde rooted tresses into hot water, and they get blue streaks that refuse to fade.
Well, isn’t this a dream? The bouv action figure:
Of course, he’d have to wear a Hawaiian short with khaki cargo shorts, and Teva sandles. As for accessories, he’d never go anywhere without his precious little notebook and pen, most likely his wallet (unless he forgets it (as he has a tendancy to do,)) his key chain (with no more than three keys,) but most importantly his pocket-knife!
His arm wouldn’t have Kung-Fu grip, but instead, it would have “Beer-Pong Throwing Action!”
Oh yeah, if you got him drunk enough, his hair becomes bleached (don’t worry, in a couple of days it will get dyed back to something similar to his original color.)
Don’t worry, your action figure can be made of brightly colored, interlocking, non-toxic building blocks. And when you get tired of the Legomancer Action Figure, you can rearrange said blocks to form a racecar or spaceship or something.
And it’ll stand up fine with the big, flat feet that snap right into your display stand.
The screech-owl Action Figure[sup]TM[/sup] :
Complete with:
[li] Baggy jeans, polo shirts and sneakers[/li][li] Two dozen SCA outfits[/li][li] Action death-grip[sup]TM[/sup] for hair brush, calligraphy pen, and “Ask Dr. Science” coffee mug[/li][li] Fencing gear with extra blades[/li][li] Determination, fortitude and over-developed sense of volunteerism[/li]
And just a few of the action phrases[sup]TM[/sup] :
[li] Where the hell is my hair brush?![/li][li] Chiesu![/li][li] What the hell is wrong with this computer now?![/li][li] I am the grammar police.[/li][li] Let me tall you about this species… (long lecture)![/li][li] I wanna go to Canada.[/li][li] Where the hell is the remote?![/li]Purchased separately:
[li] The screech-mobile[sup]TM[/sup] - fully overloaded with SCA camping equipment, injured animal transport cage, 4 novels (half-read), old AAA Trip-tiks, empty Pepsi cans, emergency road kit, 3 hair brushes, unopened mail, fencing gear bag, tiny US and Canadian flags, and assorted print-outs of SDMB threads (most of which are missing pages).[/li][li] The screech-cubicle[sup]TM[/sup] - including desk with stuck drawer, computer covered in lots of sticky notes and cat hair, 2 hair brushes, squeaky Buddhist monk toy, empty Pepsi bottle, stuffed toy buffalos, one stuffed plush moose and assorted print-outs of SDMB threads (most of which are missing pages).[/li][li] Mega-Mud[sup]TM[/sup], feline sidekick to The screech-owl Action Figure[sup]TM[/sup] - complete with Super-speed Mega-pounce[sup]TM[/sup] (perfect for leaping out of dark corners), Creepy Reflecto-Eyes[sup]TM[/sup] (for freaking out The screech-owl Action Figure[sup]TM[/sup] in the dark) and Insta-cute Lack-of-Action[sup]TM[/sup] (for curling up at nap time). NOTE: Insta-shed Cat Fur[sup]TM[/sup] available at no Extra-charge[sup]TM[/sup].[/li]Caution: screech-owl [sup]TM[/sup] Action Figure does not actually fly.
The Dire Wolf Action Figure is a cuddly, bi-pedal wolf complete with shorts and t-shirt.
Pull his tail and listen to his comical rants!
Pull his paw and…well, maybe you better not pull his paw.
Rub the special Magic-Gro Spot and watch his prehensile tongue unfold from his mouth!
The flexible plastic construction allows you to place the Dire Wolf Action Figure on all fours, where he will revert to his natural state of being.
Watch with delight as he runs rampant through your house, leaving muddy paw prints everywhere! Laugh as he jumps on furniture, roots through garbage, and starts peeing on potted plants before finally curling up for a nap at the foot of your bed!
The Dire Wolf Action Figure, by Damnitol Inc.
[sub]Not suitable for small children. May stain some fabrics. Some parts may cause choking. Accessories not included. Batteries sold separately. All rights reserved. [/sub]
To make a Bumbazine action figure, first you need to get a Wilford Brimley action figure (it’s the right shape) and pull the head off. Then attach the head of a Sean Connery action figure, the old Connery with the grey hair and beard.
Now dress him in baggy sweat shorts and a holey old t-shirt with paint stains. (Some of those stains could be BBQ sauce, it’s all good.) In one hand he carries a Sawzall of Doom[sup]TM[/sup], and in the other, the Metamucil of Destiny[sup]TM[/sup].
This action figure comes complete with the Couch of Contemplation[sup]TM[/sup] and a supply of Vernor’s Super-Crimefighter Energy Fluid[sup]TM[/sup]
Please note: there have been some complaints that this action figure’s joints do not bend too well, and sometimes make popping and crackling noises when articulated. Please be advised that these attributes are true to the prototype and are not the result of faulty manufacturing. (Of the action figure, anyway.)
Oh, thank you so much for this little gem. It was good for what ails me! 
I just got a memo from Marketing, There’s a Jester figure in development.
Jester:Boy of a Good Dozen Faces! (Not quite up to a Thousand Faces, but he’s young yet.)
He comes with a couple of accessories:
[ul]
[li]A bottle of baby powder, for “Old Man Hair”[/li][li]A pillow for “Fat Man”[/li][li]A smaller pillow for “Fat Man’s Fat Butt”[/li][li]A rolled up gym sock (I don’t know what that’s for. I don’t want to know.)[/li][li]A Whiffle Bat and bag of Sun Chips[/li][li]Stick-on Mustache and Beard[/li][/ul]
There’s also the JesterMobile in the works. The back bumper is scratched up a little, but it’s still a bitchin’ ride.
-Rue.