I’m a teacher.
I like my job.
Amongst several things that would get me (rightly) fired:
It is in my contract that I must live within 6 miles of the School, since we have boarding pupils and they need staff to teach them even when it snows.
So I could be fired for selling my house. :eek:
My boss said to me just the other week that I would have to ‘kill someone’ to be fired. So my creative options are all pretty bloodthirsty…
I work at a newspaper (20k circulation or so, IIRC). I arrange the words, photos and graphics on the pages, and I’m frequently the last person who sees the paper before it’s sent to the press. So anything from changing someone’s byline to “Jenny 'I like ‘em big’ Wilson” to decapitating someone in a photo to changing all instances of “he said” to “the fucker said” in any or all stories. The opportunities are pretty much endless. And by the time it gets sent to the press, I would likely be the only person in the building who would know how to fix anything as well (aside from the press guys just masking out stuff or calling the editor who would have to call another designer, assuming they even caught it).
Of course, you never actually DO any of that crap, even though it can be amusing to look at on the screen or even print out – the one time you change a big pullout quote over a photo to “I like my nugs green and stinky” when the guy actually said “The city council is on the right track by working with the bars rather than against them” just to laugh at the absurdity is the one time you’ll forget to change it back and 20,000 copies show up around town the next day. True story, though paraphrased and before my time at this particular paper.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), none of the above would get me fired. Some of those might hurt my career a bit, but none would get me fired.
I got fired from an urgent care clinic for spending too much time talking to the patients. (I dared to take a good history, examine the patient, discuss their treatment options, and explain their medications)
I would collect all the monthly rents and keep them. I would delete all our real estate listings from the Internet all my documents from my computer,and all the recent acitivity in all the checkbooks. I would replace it all with gogglety gook.
I would then pick up the receipt book and leave. I would never come back. If they sued me for the money, I’d claim I gave it to them and without the receipt book they would have no proof that I didn’t.
Not that I’ve ever thought about his…
I could start to refer to people with disabilities in very derogatory terms during the trainings I give to other organizations. I’m in a union, though, and from what I hear about select past employees, I could probably get away with a lot before they could actually terminate me.
I work in a school district with two high schools. Once, a teacher vanished out of the blue one day, just never came back.
I joked to the principal, “what? someone catch him in the jacuzzi with a cheerleader or something?”
Well, it was funny until I found out it was true.
I own my own business so I can’t really get fired…but I could probably lose my clout with my business partner and never be able to collect a paycheck from the company again if I went to jail…
I have access to a lot of Web sites and domain names. I could auction off domain names to competitors and deface a lot of Web sites. Not sure if I could go to jail for defacing the Web sites but I’m pretty sure auctioning off the domain names would be trademark violations of some sort.
Unfortunately, this would put a lot of stress on my partner and my employee (my brother) so I wouldn’t so much go down in history as someone who went out in a blaze of glory - more like someone who ruined the lives of others and is a complete bitch.
I knew a guy who was working at some telemarketing company. He was a crazy guy with a great sense of humor but he also happened to be a hardened thug and really didn’t care what people thought about him. One day he decided he didn’t want to work anymore so he went to work in a bright yellow tuxedo(with a matching top hat), sat at his work station and started to cry. He would mumble things like “I can’t take it anymore”, and his coworkers would try and try to comfort him. He let this act go on for hours and finally when he got bored he yelled out “F*** this world!!” and stormed out, tuxedo and all.
Sounds made up right? Not only do I have eyewitness accounts but if you knew this guy it isn’t hard to believe at all. And not in a scary way, it was 100% comedy gold.
Rule #1 in my job is to design processes that don’t blow up the plant.
I could, theoretically, edit a batch sheet to pour many liters of water into a non-compatible
reaction mixture. I’m not certain anyone would question it until the massive exotherm and hydrogen release started, at which point it would be too late.
I like my job.
At which point it became hilarious! 
If you know where he is, next time you write him tell him that jacuzzi + cheerleader makes him my hero. 
While technically it would be a sexual harrassment violation, how many people can get fired for pinching a nun on the ass.
Or… The intercom system can be accessed from any phone in the facility.
Or… I could push the big red button in the data center.
Wonder if I can make the trifecta?