You both might want to reread post #106
-Sleeps (not a republican)
You both might want to reread post #106
-Sleeps (not a republican)
I don’t have any idea where I got that idea…
“reading for comprehension” is getting old, get a new schtick, please.
What is your nonsense about a secret stash of cash they’re hiding from their creditors? The whole point is they borrowed more than they could pay back, and yet, it’s somehow the bank’s fault.
Not.
Honest to Pete–ONE poster and somehow this is now about Dems blaming their character flaws on those awful GOPers. :rolleyes: I call paranoia or a guilty conscience, if consciences they have. (this is not directed at Sleeps, btw, I’m just responding to the claim. This is also a joke–for those who are humor challenged).
One more thing: I keep forgetting that for some people, usually unibrows like** Carol Stream** (such a lovely suburb–not really), criticizing or saying anything less than complimentary about one’s own country is tantamount to hating that country or wanting it to fail or be invaded and taken over or some such nonsense. This is silly, childish thinking, but we must make allowances.
Well, if certain people would do it, we wouldn’t have to keep pointing out when they don’t.
Make up your mind; you keep alternating between accusing the OP of borrowing more than they could pay back (which they didn’t do - at the time they borrowed the money they were in a position to pay it back) and of refusing to pay it back.
As has been pointed out earlier, the OP made every effort to live up to their contract. When their income was drastically reduced they spoke to the credit union as permitted in the contract they signed about making reduced payments.
One of those quotes is mis-attributed.
And as admitted by the OP she had more money in the bank than she owed on an interest only deal. So, she didn’t pay them–she chose to go to a salon and get a haircut. And just to be sure that you are reading for comprehension, you idiot, she had money that should have been paid to her creditors, but she chose to try to use it for other reasons,
Mea culpa. Fear Itself is the Republican bedshitter guy and LurkMeister is the reading comprehension guy.
Got it now!!
I was thinking this exact same thing while reading this thread. People love small business owners. They take massive personal risk so that the economy can grow and they can make money, which translates into us all making money. But when that risk doesn’t pay off, all of the sudden it’s “Why did you take all that risk?!?!? You’re sooooo irresponsible!!! Deadbeat!!”
If people didn’t take these risks, the economy would stand still. I mean, really, am I missing something here?
Or she was thinking long-term. If she gave away literally every dime towards her debts, how is she supposed to pay for all the things you have to pay for in order to be looked upon favorably by an employer? Once she’s looked on favorably in a tough job market and finds stable income, she can get back on her feet and everyone gets paid.
If you were to ever find yourself with not enough money to pay off all your debts, but enough money to invest in a job search, what would you do?
Since you didn’t address it, I’ll ask directly. Do you think that the amount of debt that she had was reasonable, or risky?
Also, you’re making some bold statements based on nothing. “America does not like losers.” This is just one of those generally known things, right? :dubious: Like how America was much more civilized before the sixties came along. Just something we all know and trust as fact. I just want to be clear what broad assumptions we’re working with before I get too involved.
Lastly, I’ll address sympathy. You’re sure they’re watching friends distance themselves? Those are called fairweather friends, and my momma always said that they weren’t real friends. If the amount of sympathy in this thread is exemplary of what they can expect, they’ll be fine. Threads been mostly sympathy. There’s a couple of jerks, but that happens. The rest has been sympathetic, but tough. That’s the “I feel bad for you, but the debt you carried was a risk.”
I’ll apologize if the post you were responding to came across as harsh. It was not meant to be. That said, you seem to be running with a scenario that you’ve got in your head that the rest of us aren’t up to date on. This thread has been mostly kind and if there are any references to friends bailing with regards to this, I’ve missed them.
I wasn’t clear–my remarks on sympathy were directed at those who want to blame her for her situation. Of course hindsight is 20/20 and if she’d managed to pull this thing off, she’d be lauded as being savvy and shrewd etc. IMO, she took on too much risk and depended upon the decency of “strangers” ie, her partner (boss?) in the new venture. But all that is easy for me to say here and now. Unless her haircut and skirt cost thousands of dollars, I don’t see how paying for them shorted the bank at all. It could be argued that she should have paid a utility bill with that money or X bill. There needs to be a certain amount of investment made to get a job; good grooming and appearance make a difference.
I meant what I said about American culture not liking losers. Having been there when my husband’s attempt to go into business for himself failed spectacularly, I know from where I speak. Fairweather friends, perhaps, but it still is painful to be no longer on the list of couples included in social events. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not all that important and better friends are, I was just illustrating another aspect of “America” not liking “losers”. Maybe it didn’t happen to her–which is a good thing.
First I would open a new bank account and direct there the unemployment check. Then I’d call in a chit, or two, say get my portfolio printed for free from the school I graduated from, and help with job search services. Look for assets to sell barter or trade, barring addictive behavior I think I would have something to sell…
eleanorigby, thanks for the perspective from your husband’s position. It’s possible that there was a phone call or letter that just didn’t make it to us somehow. That’s a good point.
You’re right about the success=you’re the coolest person ever and failure=you’re a loser and I hate you. We’ve lost a few “friends” over this, but most of them have stuck with us and been extremely supportive. In fact, when we go to Minneapolis for my interview this week, we’ll be staying with some of them.
As far as whose fault all this is, I don’t see why it needs to be argued. Of course it was the Republicans. My former business partner and I are both staunch Democrats, so Rush Limbaugh, W, and Karl Rove all came to town, trashed the business, stole our money and raped our pets. It was horrible, but it shouldn’t have been a surprise, I suppose.
I borrowed that money a couple of years ago (don’t remember the exact timing). It had been spent long ago, on things like rent and supplies and other costs of operating a business.
OK, so I have a question for Carol Stream and others who, like her, think I’m a total deadbeat. Actually, I have three. And they’re serious questions, not snarky ones. I’d love to hear her (and others’) answers to them.
Do you really believe that when my husband and I lost our jobs we should have stopped buying food, cut off our utilities, cut off our health insurance (and health care), given up buying gas for our car and funneled every penny we had into paying our debt?
In our position, would you have done those things? (And answering “I wouldn’t have allowed myself to get into that position.” counts as a “no” answer as far as I’m concerned.)
If you were a hiring manager at any company and someone came in dirty, smelly, pretty much looking like a homeless person, would you hire them? Because the person who does what’s described in question 1 would look like that.
And, just one more thing: A few people are harping on the haircut I got. It was my first one in about six months. And I had a 50% off coupon. No, it wasn’t at Cost Cutters, but it also wasn’t a $200 spa treatment with color, highlights and a mani-pedi-facial combo. It was a trim to get rid of my shaggy ends and make me look presentable.
I agree and likely would’ve done the same were I in her place (except for the skirt of course. My legs are far too hairy.), but on this one I must concede that it is debatable as both sides have points.
I still don’t see it as enough to grab a country wide brush. It’s just jerks being jerks. I’m sure other countries have the nearly the same proportion of assholes in the population.
There are jerks all over, but what they are jerkish about (and to what degree) is often a cultural thing. This is our thing. That’s what she’s trying to say.
I was really going to let this go as a YMMV kinda thing, but if we’re going to keep going here I’d like somebody to back this up with something instead of just insisting that this is true. Is the United States really more of an ass regarding failure than other countries? Are our fairweather friends different from those in other countries?
I have never held the opinion that you’re a deadbeat, so I’m reluctant to play this game by answering but I’ll try.
You’re using extreme language (every penny!) to exaggerate the situation for what reason I can’t imagine, but no… I doubt anyone expects you to pay every penny of what money you do get on your debt.
As far as you’re concerned that may be a “no” answer, but not as far as I can see. You did have a choice about taking on so much debt and you chose to do it. Someone else may have chosen not to take on that debt. When the housing boom happened five years ago the “worth” of my home increased by 75%. SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT. The same woman who sold me my house (I worked two jobs for a year to be sure I could put down far more than 5%) tried to get me to sell my house and turn the profit into a bigger and more expensive house and keep my mortgage payment about the same. I declined because, in my opinion, only an idiot would really believe that the housing market could change so drastically in the 14 months since I bought the house and STAY that way. Thank goodness I declined.
Now, to play it your way I’ll pretend I allowed myself to take out TWO mortgages on one house and a line of credit. I have no husband but I guess I’m supposed to pretend I do? I’m assuming I wouldn’t have the six months of expenses you’re supposed to have, especially before starting a business?
Once it became clear to me that I had way more debt that I could pay I would see an attorney about selling my home (even if I had to take less than what I owe because I can’t afford the mortgage anyway) and see an attorney regarding bankruptcy. Action is always better than inaction. Looking for jobs as you’ve done is important, but so is taking other action. Two months ago you said you were on the brink of bankruptcy, why have you not filed? Yes, I realize some people will brand you with the “DEADBEAT!” sign for bankruptcy, but I don’t live my life for other people’s opinion of me and I sincerely hope you don’t either. Bankruptcy is available for a reason. If you are truly at that point, it will release you from having your money confiscated by judgments and credit unions.
This is so incredibly ridiculous I’m not even sure what to say. I realize you’re just going to come back with your “HYPERBOLE!” nonsense, but this is just plain silly. So, our only choices are buying a new skirt in case you MIGHT get a stain on it before or during your interview (will you be wearing the skirt 24/7 or something?) and looking like a homeless person? Question #1’s answer does not mean you’re now a smelly and unkempt homeless person, so please don’t pretend that it does.
You made the choices you felt were right at the time. Those choices didn’t get you the desired effect. Okay. At this point it’s about moving forward, is it not? From what you’re describing, it doesn’t sound like a new job for you and your husband is going to be enough to get you out of this. Of course I understand the reason for your OP was frustration. Naturally you are frustrated, but all I can go by on your life is what you’ve said here and that’s not a drop in the bucket as far as information needed to pretend I could make the choices you’ve laid out here.
I sincerely hope you seek out help from someone other than the financial adviser who told you to take this path. I know she’s part of the Oprah dyanasty-of-evil, but Suze Orman has several books (and a website) with good BASIC information about finances for “normal” people. Not people with incredible means and opportunity… normal people. She especially speaks to women. Reading her information gave me a good enough foundation to be able to understand what a financial planner was outlining for me. It sucks that we have to trust so much to “experts” who can give us bad advice, but arming yourself with information and acting on it will make you feel like you’re doing something instead of that horrible feeling that you’re just floating there waiting for things to happen to you.
:: best vibes going out for good jobs and better times ::
Thanks for answering Harborwolf. The questions really were geared toward those like Carol Stream who are taking the extreme stance–that there’s No Excuse for not making payments. Yeah, the questions are extreme, but that’s why I was asking them. I’m wanting to find out if it’s just a lot of chest-thumping, or if it’s sincere.
Question 3 was to follow Question 1, which was “do you really expect me to shut off my utilities, stop buying food, toiletries, etc so I can direct all that money toward my debt?” Because that’s what it would take to keep up with the debt payments. If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to do things like shower, wash my clothes, and all that good stuff. Yeah, I wouldn’t be homeless because I’d be paying my mortgage like a good girl, but I’d be living in a cold, dark house with no food or water. What are my chances of being able to improve my situation?
And to answer your question about why we haven’t filed for bankruptcy yet: we’ve consulted a lawyer, he’s looked over our information, and he’s going to let us know when he thinks is the best time for us to file. He’s the expert here, so we’re waiting for his cue before we do anything.
Thanks for the tip on the Suze Orman. I know about her primarily from the SNL spoof of her, but I’ll definitely check her out. And thanks for the good wishes too.
While I’ll greedily take any praise offered, I should point out it was noted prevert “Sleeps with Butterflies” that answered your question. I only provided a partial answer to elanorigby in order to clarify my stance.