Crisis of Conscience ...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I’ve been keeping my dismal personal issues off the board (and I’m sure you’re all relieved - [praise LJ]), but now I feel I need some advice, and there’s no other group of people I trust more. I’ll try no to be too melodramatic here, and I won’t go into hyper-detail (unless clarification is requested for sufficient advice to be given).
My long-windedness is a separate problem to be dealt with at another time

My situation, the short version:
Separated from wife - still in contact with her - still caring and loving involved - still don’t know if we’re getting back together any time soon (if at all).
In the meantime, I share an apartment in Oakland with one other guy and my dog, Daisy. I’m going through some serious introspection as of late, and I feel a change coming on.

Now - here’s the immediate problem … It has dawned on my that in order to get my shit together, I need to simplify my life, and I am taking steps to that end – BUT, I feel my dog is really getting the short end of the stick.

Where we live right now isn’t anywhere near a spot I can walk her to so that she can run around. I don’t have a car so transporting her anywhere is next to impossible. I’m not able to spend as much time as I should with her. I walk her three times a day, I bathe her, I feed her, I pet her, I love her, but I think she deserves better than to be locked up in a cage all day, only for the little attention I can pay her in the evenings.
The weekends are a little better – I usually bring her out with me wherever I go, so she gets a good tuckering out just from the long walks. But still – with all the changes I’ve gone through, and all the changes I’m contemplating, I can’t help but be a little worried about her happiness.

Not to mention the fact that I’ll probably be initiating another move. Whether it’s across the city, up the coast or across the country, moving with Daisy makes things difficult to say the least.

I’ve been trying to talk myself out of a decision that might need to be made, because, obviously, she’s m’dawg and I love her. But she deserves better than I can give her right now. I even know someone (through my roommate) who as offered to take her if I need to let her go.
Yup – I’m a little lost. Any advice or comments would be welcome, although I reserve the right to ignore it all and keep her with me even if I end up selling pencils on the street.

I shall now attempt to go back to my regular regimen of inanity. Thank you for your kind attention.

2

You have my sympathy on the changes in your life.

Dealing only with the practical issue of you and your dog, you don’t say how big and active she is, but we have a 40-lb poddle who LOVES his crate – even goes in there in the evening sometimes just to relax.

If your dog is getting sufficent exercise (and unless she’s huge and hyper, it sounds like you’re doing right by her) then my vote is to keep her. She’s happier seeing you in the evenings than she would be with someone else.

3

Given that your situation may not technically be the best for your dog…

Have you considered that giving the dog up just now may be worse for him? He’s already lost one of his people, if you give him up he’ll be without both of his people.

4

I’d have to agree with Zyada on this one.

My little beagle Joy stays home all day, and I make sure to give her the attention in the evening.

As for crating a dog - I have a crate, but just to act as a small bed, and an area that she can call hers. The door is never shut. When I’m away, I put up a pressure gate to keep her confined to the kitchen area (tile floor - much easier to clean if I have to work late).

I’d heavily recommend a pressure gate, so the poor pooch isn’t stuck in a cage all day.

5

Jack:

Anyone that can place the well being of their dog above their own angst deserves a gold star in my book. By virtue of caring so much about Daisy’s best interests you have proved yourself worthy of being-owned-by-a-dog.

I applaud you for thinking of what’s best for her. It sounds to me that she would be well off with you, no matter where you go.

She loves you, and is happy to see you whenever you come home, no? Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke…

6

Jesus Christ, you’re going to make me cry …

Thunder - what you suggested won’t quite work as our apartment is a huge warehouse loft. There ain’t but one door in the whole place – into the bathroom. The four “walls” to my “room” are - a wall - the back of the kitchen cabinets - some benches and canvas hanging from the ceiling - a corrugated tin divider thingie that I found in the trash. But she is very well crate trained. I don’t have to force in, she likes it in there. She’s got her rugs and her bones and her squeakies. Hell I wouldn’t mind spending some time in there every once in a while.

By the by - Daisy is a terrier mutt, weighing somewhere around 35 pounds. Salt-n-pepper shaggy fur. Semi-active. She can chill with the best of them, but she’s a running fool in a field.

All this advice is really heartening. I really appreciate it. I obviously don’t want to give her up, but I’m still mulling over what’s best. I must say, so far this thread is tipping the scales.

7

<B>Jack</b> - Daisy’s world revolves around you. It might be possible to get some sort of collapsable portable kennels for indoors, just to let her stretch her legs. If you could put it up so she could look out the window it would be even better. But mostly she cares about you.

StG

8

Jack,

Let’s look at how bad this dog has it. You are walking her THREE times a day, you give her gobs of attention at night and weekends. I think Daisy has a great life. She and you are buds, you can lean on her and she on you in the good times and bad. My suggestion would be to keep her.

9

Is there any doggie daycare in your town? We send our basset hound to one at least once a week. He LOVES it. We live in a condo so we can never just let him run free (although he does have a sweet life–my husband is home all day with him). This daycare we take him to has 4 fenced acres. He plays all day with the other dogs, and usually passes out in the back seat before we’re more than 1/4 mile on our way home.

It has gone a long, long way to making us feel good about our dog’s quality of life. He loves it, and so do the other dogs there (some of whom are there every single day!) Maybe taking him there, even just once a week, would alleviate some of your worst concerns.

10

Keep the dog, man. The fact that you’re even worrying about it proves (to me, at least) that you’re the best owner for her.

11

Yup, what the rest of them said.

One more addition - you’re in a larger city, yes? Perhaps you could hire a dogwalker once a week or something? The doggy day-care sounds like FUN :slight_smile:

12

I wonder if there are some elderly or retired people nearby who’d like to babysit her : cheaper than sending her to a grroming parlour for a few hours respite or hiring a dog walker and the companionship would benefit them as much as Daisy.

Honestly, don’t worry too much about crating her - I used to show my Newfoundland and show dogs remain crated for much longer periods than you’re talking about. If your dog was getting stressed by it, you’d know about it by now.

You don’t say how big the crate is - perhaps you might be able to use toddler containment equipment other than a pressure gate (maybe a playpen) to give her a little more space, but really, it sounds like she’s fine.

I’d get to know which area is the favourite walking area of the local doggy people - they’ll not only know what paid resources are available, it’s also somewhere for Daisy to meet potential playmates she can enjoy romping with on weekends.

13

Well – as for Daisy’s crate - I consider it the deluxe model. I put a lot of thought into it. It’s not the enclosed plastic model. It’s the wire-frame, anti-claustrophobic model. It’s big enough for her to choose which end to lie down in, but it’s not like she can run circles in there.

I do have some neighbors who have these little yip-yip dogs that Daisy like to play with. It’s possible that they might be able to take her out occasionally during the day.

As far as the dog-walker-sitter deal – I really don’t have the funds free for that. I used to have a dog-walker when we lived in the city, but It was a bit of a hardship, a bit of luxury considering my financial situation.

I guess my biggest concern is that my grasp on reality as it exists in this time and place is very tenuous. There is every possibility that I may wake up one morning and decide to move to Tahiti (more realistically Oregon), and I don’t want to leave Daisy in the dust. So there is a little selfishness here – I don’t want to set myself up as Jack - Patron Saint of Dogs.

14

Jack,

If you move you don’t need to leave Daisy behind. When we relocated last year, we had to live in an apartment until we sold our old house and bought a new one. I found a nice apartment that would take both of our large dogs. You should be able to find one in Oregon (or wherever you go) for one smaller dog. Here’s the source I used to search for apartments that take pets:

http://www.virtualrelocation.com/Find_a_Place/Department/Find_an_Apartment/

Just make sure as you go through the various screens that ask for information to click the Pet Friendly box in the Community Features section. Some places you will be shown will actually have their pet policy right on the web site - you may need to call others to find out the specifics.

As for Daisy being alone during the day - well, probably most dogs in this country spend time alone every day. Mostly they just sleep. The most important thing is that you give her attention, love and exercise when you are there, and it’s obvious that you do that.

15

Damn, Jack, you are a good dog person. Keep her, and just keep loving her a lot. Keep giving her allt hat great attention, as much as you can.

And on top of everything else, look at this: she prevents you from getting too self-involved, which wouldn’t be healthy for you.

16

Keep in mind that adult dogs sleep some 12-18 hrs per day. I highly doubt she’s bored or unhappy when you’re not home. If she is, there are a few things you can do to amuse her when she’s alone. Put something yummy in an empty TP roll, and fold the ends together. That might keep her busy a little while. If that doesn’t work (ie, if she’s too damn good at it) there are feeding balls where you can put dry dog food in and she’ll then have to roll the ball around to get the kibble out. Time consuming, and good brain exercise for dogs.

And think about it, if you were to give her up when (if) you move, she’d still have to move right? She’d have to move in with people she doesn’t even know, and I’m willing to bet she’d be happier moving to Tahiti with you, than across the street without you. Besides, dogs are like living, breathing anti-depressants. I have a feeling you need her as much as she needs you.

If all else fails, pack her up and send her to Sweden. Sigge would love to have a new mommy. :slight_smile:

17

"Jack:

I live in Oregon. I love dogs, cats, and all manner and sorts of God’s creatures. I am also a landlord, amongst other things.

The State of Oregon (home of the current Miss America, What’s-Her-Name) would be graced by your presence, accompanied by Daisy.

Email me, should you and Daisy decide to migrate northward.

You do realize it’s pronounced ORYGUN, don’t you? And that we have Bigfoot sightings? And communes? But it’s balanced nicely against our local wine vintages. “Yup Jed, them’s some mighty fine wine squeezins’; but I thought I detected an impertinent Tannin in that-thar vat of Pinot Noir.”

Come join us. And I promise a homemade Lamb&Rice bone for Daisy!:slight_smile: