Critique my personal ad

Well I’m single again after a short relationship. The person I was seeing had different views on what a relationship entails. I have no hard feelings about it, we just didn’t see eye to eye.

To get on I’m jumping back into the online personals with both feet. I’d like an honest review of my personal that’s coming soon to a personal site
Initial Ad
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Hi. Are you a jealous woman who doesn’t like the man she is dating to talk to his female friends? If so please read another ad.

  I strongly believe in friends and friendship. I believe that for a relationship to last there has to be that base. I also believe that there has to be trust in a relationship. When I meet someone I trust them 100%, not projecting past experiences onto them and I would expect the same from them.

I can be sarcastic at time, but never meaning it in a hurtful way. I enjoy going to concerts and television show tapings as well as making a fool out of myself at karaoke, because if you can’t laugh at yourself you have no sense of humor.

I work for the State Of New Jersey and enjoy my job and coworkers.

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about my job

I work for The New Jersey Department of Labor. I work in a call center for now answering questions about Unemployment and filing claims. I get along with most of my coworkers and like them.

I enjoy the ability to help people going through rough times and feeling that I’m making a difference in their life. I don’t like telling people they don’t qualify for unemployent or when the callers yell at me.

I work in a very relaxing environment and feel fortunate to have the job I do.
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idea of ideal first date

I don’t have an image of a great date carved in stone.

Something along the lines of us meeting somewhere semi quiet where we could talk to get to know each other, or people watch and comment on the people walking by so we can see how each other thinks and interprets everything.

I would say the movies would not be a great date nor going into New York City or Philadelphia but miniature golfing, playing skeeball in an arcade or even bowling after meeting for coffee or sandwiches would be a great first date. Then we end it with a hug

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person I’d like to meet

I’d like to meet someone who is my compliment in life. I am searching for someone who is honest and truthful. Someone that is not afraid to be themselves. Someone that enjoys the simple things in life, like a walk in the park or a day trip to a nice city just as much as a week long vacation on the beach. Someone who I can see as having in my life for the rest of my life. Someone who is comfortable with themselves and can trust their partner. A woman who likes comedy clubs and is comfortable at parties with people she doesn’t know.

That first line sounds shyte, MannyL. Why are you kicking things off with an agressive statement like that? It doesn’t match the mellow tone of the rest of the ad. I appreciate that you want to grab people’s attention from the start, but something more positive is needed, I think.

Any suggestions to make it more positive?

Lose it altogether and bring it up in the course of normal conversation.

That’s my suggestion. I don’t get jealous if my guy talks to female friends, but I’d skip right past your ad with that line. You can’t weed out all the bad qualities in potential dates with your personal ad. Unfortunately, that’s what dating is for - and guaranteed, of the people who do respond, many of them are going to be exactly the jealous type you’re trying to avoid.

Advise taken and heeded.

Honest is good enough. Sounds redundant. Another trait instead of truthful maybe?

Open. Honest and open flows right into not afraid to be themself.

Yeah, the first line is way too aggressive. You need to use your first line to grab attention, not scare off readers. I’d really work on making the opening really sum things up. Right now it kind of pluds along.

I’d reverse things- mention somewhere in the center of the ad that you respect friendships and aren’t a jealous person.

Don’t mention that you don’t think movies are a great first date. Too negative. Just mention the stuff you like. Personally, I think the idea of making comments on passing strangers to be a bit creepy, but just plain people watching would be great.

I still don’t see a lot about you in here. I know your job, and a few rather generic things you like to do, but besides that there is just a list of things you’d like in a woman. What do you have to offer? It seems like you are looking for commitment, which is probably pretty attractive to a lot of women. Perhaps you should sell your willingness to commit to them instead of just listing all the commitment you expect in a woman. People who read this ad arn’t asking “Would this guy like to go out with me?”, they are asking “Why would I want to go out with this guy.”

Other than that, I would re-arrange stuff a bit so that things (what you like to do, what you are looking for in a woman, what kind of activities you’d like to share) are put together a bit more logically. Like, when you mention comedy clubs, it just comes out of nowhere. It would make much better sense placed along with the part where you enjoy laughing at yourself.

No real advice on the content, but the word you’re looking for here is complement.

This is only what I’m getting from reading your ad, and not something I’m basing on any other knowledge of you, so take that for what it’s worth. Let me word what I see you saying, in terms other than “trust”.

“When I meet a woman I give her 100% of my money (because I shouldn’t judge her against past experiences) and I expect the same from her.”

“When I meet a woman I do 100% of everything sexually that I am willing to do for and with her, and I expect the same from her.”

See what I’m seeing wrong with this statement of yours? It gives too much, too fast.

Yes, and “selling” means not giving it away for free.

If I were your hypothetical girlfriend, I would rather you brought me a daisy because you knew I liked daisies, than roses because you always brought all your girlfriends roses. Same way about trust, I would rather you trust me because I was thoughtful and empathetic and kind, not because trusting is “what you do with your girlfriend.”

Something I notice that you haven’t really included-- possibly because of space concerns–is what you (and maybe your girlfriend) do when not on dates. You talk about all these things like going to parties, but then say you want a girl who can enjoy simple things, so it seems kind of bait-and-switchy. Do you like folding laundry together? Picnics under the sheets on the clothesline? Bowls of stew and crusty bread in front of a fire on a cold autumn night? Doing the crossword together? Playing word-games that only you two know?

Good luck to you, and may you be as fortunate as I’ve been.