There’s this scene in Men In Black where Will Smith’s character, Agent J, is arguing with Tommy Lee Jones’ character, Agent K, about how ridiculous it is to believe aiens are, and have been, amongst us for decades. “But people are smarter than that!” Will objects (or words to that effect).
To which K responds, “No. A person is smart. People are stupid.”
And it’s the bloody truth, innit? Why, oh why, is it that every time a crowd of humans forms, the intelligence of the group as a whole must sink, not to the lowest common denominator of the group, but of the bleedin’ race? It’s as if the sheer proximity of others reduces the capacity for thought. One can almost see the transmogrification take place, the jutting of the brow, the slackening of the jaw, the parting of the lips to form the mouthbreather incarnate.
Picture this: Rush hour. Crowded subway train opens doors to disgorge passengers. People waiting on platform decide to enter train whilst people on train are trying to disembark. Idjits!
Okay, so you’re off the train (finally) and proceed to try to get to work. But now you’re stuck in the middle of a crowd apparently auditioning as extras for the next Romero flick. Hey people, I’ve got no problem if you’re not in a rush, but you can at least have some consideration and get the hell out of the way! Or at least move as if you’ve got blood pumping through your veins.
Oh no - escalators. It never ceases to amaze me how some people can’t grasp the concept. They’re steps . . . and they move! Yeah, yeah, step on already! I don’t even care if you plan to climb or stand, but what the hell are you waiting for, a step with your name on it?
All right, you make it through the day (I’m not even going to mention the freaks who don’t know how to use revolving doors and elevators). Let’s say you and a couple of your buddies stop at a bar for a couple of beers. Blow off a little steam, right? Bar’s a little crowded, is it? Well, no problem - until you’re on your way to the bathroom and some yahoo has decided to set up camp outside the bathroom door. Excuse me? Get the hell out of the way, ya moron! And don’t give me dirty looks because I interrupted your rap with a woman you’re not going home with anyway. Oh, I promise you, she thought you were really cool, the way you were leaning up against the sign that said “Men” (as if trying to reassure yourself).
It really is enough sometimes to make you lose faith in the human race. But then, you think, hey, what the hell, maybe Romero is casting. If you’re quiet, you can almost hear them: “Uhhhhhhhhh”