I’m sorry, malkavia. It’s a terrible thing when it goes wrong. You’re a relationship pioneer… falling in love online and then making a go of it in a distant city takes a lot of strength and there isn’t really a path to follow, and your friends and family often have trouble understanding something none of them have been through.
It looks like you’re in good company here, though.
I moved to another city so my online LDR could fully flower, and it was a very educational experience, among other things. I missed my home and friends something fierce, and I never for a second thought it would be a problem until I got there. The new climate also did a number on my psyche. You just can’t predict that stuff.
How would you feel about moving to his town? The question might send him into a panic if he hadn’t been forthcoming about his reasons for not returning, but if you’re serious about the relationship, it’s a fair proposition.
Sorry if I’m being presumptious making suggestions.
-fh
Malkavia:
Here’s an idea. You live in Phoenix, right? On this same MPSIMS board, strainger and Padeye are talking about heading to the Chandler Ostrich Festival not that far from Phoenix this very weekend.
I beleive it was Freud (or possible Jung) that said, “The best antidote for a tragic manipulation of the emotions is an ostrich festival” (I could be a little off on the exact quote).
Give those two dopers a call/e-mail and grab the kid and take in the festival. I mean, what better way to put life into perspective than by going to a celebration of a goofy looking eight to nine foot tall bird in a town with the same name as a “Friends” character?
You need some unserious time, try it.
TV
malkavia- I’m sorry; I’ve been in a similar position and it really does hurt.
Trip and lurk: Please! Enough frigging hockey metaphors.
I’m so sorry, Malkavia. It wasn’t anything you did, or didn’t do or could have done differently. He just plain wasn’t ready to accept what you gave. And TV is right; no matter what, he didn’t handle the parting well. You deserved better in the way of basic kindness and consideration.
Wishing you comfort,
Veb
Sorry you’ve been dealt this nasty blow, malkavia. You do have friends at this board. Like TV time suggested, why don’t you join Padeye, his GF, and me at the Chandler Ostrich Festival this weekend. I’ve opened a thread about it here. Hope you can join us!
(((malkavia)))
cant think of anything else either
Wow. You are all wonderfully supportive and I thank you all for your consideration.
Sometimes shit happens, eh?
Im dealing okay with it. I’m a good girlfriend and I have a great kid. We had 5 wonderful months… and he even admits that he misses me and cares about me. But its his home. And I understand missing home.
Of course, Im in that “my world is so over” mood right now… but I know that logically… in time, this too shall pass.
And Im totally up for a silly Ostrich Festival.
Thanks again, everyone.
“There are other worlds than these.” -Jack, Drawing of the Three
I’m so sorry, malkavia.
I wish I had some words of wisdom…I don’t, but I do admire how well you are handling this.
Scotti
I agree that this he did not handle this well. Maybe he wasn’t such a prince, but it still hurts. I hope you will have fun at that Ostrich Festival, and meet some nice people. Who says Internet friends aren’t real friends? SDMB, I love you!