Curse you, damn DMV!

[smiling_bandit]

Yes, friends, it’s a Department of Motor Vehicles rant. Except this state calls it something else, but it’s same goddamn DMV it always is.

I finally got a driver’s license, and I’d like to say

FUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!111oneone!1

That should not have taken three trips. It should not have taken the silly amounts of documentation. I should not have had to travel out of state to get documentation. I should not have required items mailed to me. It should not have required four weeks, then another three to receive a plasic card. just. Yes, you should have accepted my legitimate alternate documention and the copied forms which clearly identified me well beyond your desire, interest, or intent to verify.

Let me fill you in on something you dumbass bureaucratic slaves (and my scorn covers the entire pencil-necked rubber-stamping motherucking bureaucracy, not just their idiot frontliners): you woudn’t know fake from real. I could walk with a cheap fake I whipped up in thirty minutes and crumpled a bit, and you wouldn’t know the difference. For 15 bucks and three hours I could have made an indistinguishable fake with two items adn a sheet of paper I could purchase from Staples. Which is a mile down the road.

Let me also fill you in something else, morons. A passport, just because it’s expired, does not somehow fail to identify me. I’m not leaving the fucking country, and you’re not Customs. What do you give a shit if it’s out of date? It clearly identifies me, includes a recognizable photo, and has my information!

And, naturally, my old ID, despite being far better vetted than your cheap asses would bother with, was not good enough. And on top fo that, your goddamn despartment sucks so bad you can’t print out the plastic licenses on the spot, despite that requiring nothing more than easily-obtainable machines and being standard in several states.

In short, your entire bureaucracy could be easily replaced by a thirteen-year old with a few thousand bucks worth of equipment (specifically, one camera, one computer, some cheap software, and a specialty printer). It would vet things to exactly the same damn degree, and require a hell of a lot less hassle. You have managed to combine utter uselessness with a pointed lack of convenience and complete absense of security. Your existence manages to lower this states’ collective IQ by about 20 points, and that’s being overly generous on my part. You manage to make AT&T’s level of service look polished, professional, and efficient.

[drewtwo99]

You must be talking about Texas!!!

[velvetjones]

Oh hell yes. When I moved to NY from FL and went to change my drivers license they wanted 7 (I think it was 7) “points” of identification. I was missing 1 pt. and they said they’d take my insurance card. My insurance plan at the time was a high deductible health plan with a health spending account so my insurance card was also my HSA debit card and that card, in addition to having all of my insurance information, had a visa logo. They DMV didn’t want to take it because of the visa logo. No amount of showing them the name of the insurance company, the insurance ID information, etc would convince them that it was an insurance card and not a credit card.

In the end we had to wait for the supervisor to come out and make a decision on whether or not that would be acceptable.

And yes, ma’am, just because you’ve never seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

[Happy_Fun_Ball]

And this is why voter ID laws are bad in execution, if good in intention.

[Tatterdemalion]

@L. G. Butts

And this is why voter ID laws are bad in execution, if good in intention.

They’re not good in intention either.

[Dr.Drake]

@smiling_bandit

Let me also fill you in something else, morons. A passport, just because it’s expired, does not somehow fail to identify me. I’m not leaving the fucking country, and you’re not Customs. What do you give a shit if it’s out of date? It clearly identifies me, includes a recognizable photo, and has my information!

I’ve never understood the logic of rejecting expired IDs as ID. “I’m sorry, but you don’t look enough like the person in the photograph for me to accept this [because the photo is 15 years old]” — well, that would make sense, at least as a possibility. But if the photo is recognizably the bearer of the expired passport or DL, why on earth wouldn’t it identify you? I mean, sure, it doesn’t entitle you to pass through ports / drive, but why isn’t it good as ID?

[Chipacabra]

Because in the period of time between the ID expiring and you trying to get your license, you may have become a Mexican. Prove you didn’t.

[Nametag]

Because your brother moved to California and got a license there, and let you keep this one it after it expired. He didn’t exactly give you his expired passport, but he wasn’t using it, right?

[The_Vorlon]

@smiling_bandit

In short, your entire bureaucracy could be easily replaced by a thirteen-year old with a few thousand bucks worth of equipment (specifically, one camera, one computer, some cheap software, and a specialty printer). It would vet things to exactly the same damn degree, and require a hell of a lot less hassle. You have managed to combine utter uselessness with a pointed lack of convenience and complete absense of security. Your existence manages to lower this states’ collective IQ by about 20 points, and that’s being overly generous on my part. You manage to make AT&T’s level of service look polished, professional, and efficient.

Yes, but that would meen that there would be scads of unemployed, and unenployable inlaws off the state payroll. We can’t have that.

[Dr.Drake]

@Chipacabra

Because in the period of time between the ID expiring and you trying to get your license, you may have become a Mexican. Prove you didn’t.

I’m guessing you’re not serious, but just in case: even if you become a Mexican, you don’t cease to be an American.

[UltraVires]

@Dr.Drake

I’ve never understood the logic of rejecting expired IDs as ID. “I’m sorry, but you don’t look enough like the person in the photograph for me to accept this [because the photo is 15 years old]” — well, that would make sense, at least as a possibility. But if the photo is recognizably the bearer of the expired passport or DL, why on earth wouldn’t it identify you? I mean, sure, it doesn’t entitle you to pass through ports / drive, but why isn’t it good as ID?

Because if you are 24, you give your expired ID to your 19 year old brother who looks a lot like you so he can buy beer, get into clubs, whore around, and promote death and destruction on the surrounding community.

I agree with the OP, though. Some of the documents that are requested (like utility bills) are so easily forged to be laughable. And some of the documents that “prove” residency (like a vehicle title) can be obtained without proving residency. So if I was playing a trick, I could title my vehicle in the state (residency not required), and then use that title as “proof” of my residency.

More security theater.

[anya_marie]

I pit the Indiana BMV for their shitty cameras. Not even a supermodel would get a good picture on one of those things, and since i am not a model i look awful.

[Gatopescado]

Nevada DMV absolutly rocks! I can’t say enough good about them. I have more vehicles registered than I own pairs of shoes (I am serious) and there is never a problem. I can do nearly everything online, and get renewals back in 2 business days usually.

In the old days, I once wrote one check for 3 different registration renewals on a monday. I got 2 back on Wed, and the 3rd on Thursday.

It took me 3 months to get a duplicate title from Tennessee once!

[Pitchmeister]

Here in socialist Germany, we have central registration of every citizen, so the whole sillyness of having to prove who you are to some government entity is made a whole lot easier due to state-issued IDs for everybody, not just people who drive ;). It also makes voter registration obsolete (a concept that has always baffled me), since six to eight weeks before an election, everybody just gets their invitation in the mail.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Nametag

Because your brother moved to California and got a license there, and let you keep this one it after it expired. He didn’t exactly give you his expired passport, but he wasn’t using it, right?

@jtgain

Because if you are 24, you give your expired ID to your 19 year old brother who looks a lot like you so he can buy beer, get into clubs, whore around, and promote death and destruction on the surrounding community.

This. I don’t know how many times I took an expired ID from someone when I was working at a convenience store…and I didn’t even work there that long. I usually got a lot of static, until I said “Well, Officer Smith usually stops by here around this time. Tell you what, let’s let HIM look at this ID, and if you still contend that I stole it from you, then I’ll go along peaceably.” Amazingly enough, NOBODY wanted to stick around for Officer Smith to show up and arrest me, or even to chastise me severely. Every single one of these people had some appointment they urgently needed to keep (at 10 PM).

Yes, occasionally IDs expire. But in my experience, someone who offers up an expired ID is much more likely to be using someone else’s old ID, whether the original owner knows about it or not.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Pitchmeister

Here in socialist Germany, we have central registration of every citizen, so the whole sillyness of having to prove who you are to some government entity is made a whole lot easier due to state-issued IDs for everybody, not just people who drive ;). It also makes voter registration obsolete (a concept that has always baffled me), since six to eight weeks before an election, everybody just gets their invitation in the mail.

Actually, in the US, the individual states offer state ID cards, which are just as valid as ID cards as driver’s licenses are. They just don’t certify the owner as being able to legally operate a motor vehicle. The same agency issues them. They’re for people who can’t or won’t drive, and don’t want a driver’s license.

[Pitchmeister]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Actually, in the US, the individual states offer state ID cards, which are just as valid as ID cards as driver’s licenses are. They just don’t certify the owner as being able to legally operate a motor vehicle. The same agency issues them. They’re for people who can’t or won’t drive, and don’t want a driver’s license.

Thank you, Lynn. I actually knew that. I just think it’s really funny that an ID card is issued by the DMV. I guess it makes sense when 95+% of people have a driver’s license, but to my German mind the whole “not being centrally registered” was always a bit, well, foreign to me.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

Eh, the DMV is set up to make a card which is good for ID purposes as well as driving, so why set up a duplicate agency to make just ID cards?

You also have to remember that in the US, some of our individual states are as large or larger than some of your Yurpean countries. And a couple of our states are not even connected with the main part of the US. Centralization might not be the best way for us to go about it.

I would like to see a national driver’s license or ID card, though.

[Cheesesteak]

@Pitchmeister

Here in socialist Germany, we have central registration of every citizen, so the whole sillyness of having to prove who you are to some government entity is made a whole lot easier due to state-issued IDs for everybody, not just people who drive ;). It also makes voter registration obsolete (a concept that has always baffled me), since six to eight weeks before an election, everybody just gets their invitation in the mail.

It’s sad that you don’t realize all of the freedoms that have been taken away from you because of your national, comprehensive, ID program. Or something like that. I mean, whenever someone suggests one for the US, we’re told it’s a terrible idea. Maybe it just would cost a lot more than having 50+ different ID designs, procedures and bureaucracies to handle it.

[kanicbird]

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